Self harming depression

[lilacben]

I just dont know what to think or do I feel so helpless.! Today has been a nightmare. Without going into too much one of my daughters has just owned up to damaging her sisters car.She has owned up to her sister and is so sorry for what she has done.It appears she has been feeling very depressed and has been harming herself. for some time.Infact she has cut her leg with a razor blade today after she got home.She says it makes her feel better at the time. She hates herself and thinks she is a horrible person.I got her to tell her partner and we went to the doctors. She is already on antidepressents and the doctor said to keep taking them and he has made her an appoinment to see a councillor.I feel torn apart with this as I feel so sorry for her sister,who thinks her sister really hates her for doing that to her car.And sorry for the other one who has done it.

[Ice.Maiden]

I've always thought that self harming was a cry for help, but I think maybe the problems run a lot deeper. It must be awful for you to know that your daughter feels so bad about herself that she has to cut her legs in order to feel better. Sorry to hear about your other daughter's car as well, and can only think that with damaging other people's property, your girl needs to seek professional help, and to be given a lot of love and care by yourself - x

[Redbel]

I agree with Ice Maiden......lilacben, the appointment to see the councillor may take a while to come through and your daughter may feel by that time she's ok in herself. If she's not ready for councilling she won't go and don't force her, if she accepts the appointment then she wants to help herself. I know your other daughter must be really upset with what happened to her car, but just take your daughter to one side and explain that her sis needs a bit of help. Lilacben, your emotions are torn because you love both daughters the same....and it's understandable that you would be more worried about the daughter who is self harming.
Let us know how things go xx

[lilacben]

Thankyou Ice.maiden for your reply, My daughter has all mine,and her dads support.She seems to have suffered from depression since the birth of her third baby nearly a year ago, (we have just found out).She looks after the children really well and even her partner is shocked by what has happened.But her sister isnt so understanding and cannot understand about depression being an illness.She thinks it is just an excuse.This makes it even harder as I have suffered from depression for a few years myself through bereavment.

[Goodsoulette]

I'm a self harmer, I say am but haven't gone through an episode for a fair while now. I found other ways to hurt myself other than cutting though so look out for other signs of injuries too. Counseling may well help her and maybe her sister could go with her one time. At the end of the day you have one daughter who has a damaged car and one who deeply serious problems. I know it's going to seem like you are playing favourites but your attention needs to be on empathising with your depressed daughter.

What does your other daughter think it's an excuse for? Why else would her sister damage her car? She'll hopefully start understanding soon, give her some information on Post Natal Depression and how severe it is and maybe she will understand.

[lilacben]

Hi Goodsoulette, Havent spoken to you for a while how are things.? also thankyou for your answer it is so good to be able to speak to someone who has the same problem.Today both girls have slept on it and my eldest is still really upset as to what she has done, naturally. And the other one has been round to see her this morning. Together they have had a good cry and cuddle.The youngest one saying to forget it for now and leave it until after christmas.I am feeling a little better now knowing this and hope for christmas to be ok. My youngest and family are going away tomorrow until next week so it will give them all some space.Her husband is not,however,calm about it now and is still very annoyed.What I dont understand is why she did it.? Yes jealousy I really think comes into it but to go to the extremes of damage really worries me.A mother of three in her thirties. I just cannot get my head around it. As I have said I suffer from depression but still do not understand the need to hurt myself or damage anything. Can you explain why.? many thanks xx

[cymruambyth1]

I use to self harm when things just go too much but I haven't needed to for a while. I know people are always saying, oh it is just a cry for help, but if you notice people who self harm, rarely tell anyone, if they wanted attention then surely they would tell someone what they have been doing. It is a release, and if you feel you have problems that you cant talk to anyone about, or feel embarrassed, you just need to release the frustration.

I am sorry to hear you are having problems, and both daughters need support, depression is an illness and not an excuse, but also be careful that your youngest daughter, doesnt use depression to explain everything. I forced myself to get over the depression, but I understand that all depressions are different. But you have to want to feel better.

[lilminxlou]

depending on her condition (i.e how critical iyt is etc etc) u might want to ask for cognitive therapy for her, i have self harmed in the past and find cognitive therapy a great help i havent self harmed for ages and have gone from feeling like everything is my fault and stuff to knowing its not. you can ask ur gp about it and they can refer her. but u need to stay strong for her as well, as for your other daughter, you need to let her know that your also her mum and stick together as you will need to lean on each other a lot