Quizzes & Puzzles3 mins ago
Hate feeling useless...
12 Answers
Hey!
Just to first say, thank you all for your advise on work the other evening, I worried myself silly, and was never even called in to speak to 'her!'.
Now dont you just hate feeling completely useless?
At my mums on thursday evening, found out my stepdad was suspended from his job 2 weeks ago, my mum found out the day of my 21st birthday and really struggled to keep it together but they were both amazing and I didnt have a clue on the day. Now my mum is terrified that if he losses his job, they will lose their house (which they ahve just paid �15000 to have an extension and new kitchen and so on).
Then we went to my sisters in Mansfield yesterday, and they had a call this morning from my sister in laws dad to saw my sister in laws mum wasnt well and complaining of stomach pains (she also has alzheimers and had a fall 2 weeks ago). She saw a dr and they said everything was ok, only today they called an emergency dr because of stomach pains, and after a couple of chase up calls, the dr turns up, and she was sent to hospital and has a broken hip.
Being the youngest, and little sister, I want to help so much, but dont know how :(
Just to first say, thank you all for your advise on work the other evening, I worried myself silly, and was never even called in to speak to 'her!'.
Now dont you just hate feeling completely useless?
At my mums on thursday evening, found out my stepdad was suspended from his job 2 weeks ago, my mum found out the day of my 21st birthday and really struggled to keep it together but they were both amazing and I didnt have a clue on the day. Now my mum is terrified that if he losses his job, they will lose their house (which they ahve just paid �15000 to have an extension and new kitchen and so on).
Then we went to my sisters in Mansfield yesterday, and they had a call this morning from my sister in laws dad to saw my sister in laws mum wasnt well and complaining of stomach pains (she also has alzheimers and had a fall 2 weeks ago). She saw a dr and they said everything was ok, only today they called an emergency dr because of stomach pains, and after a couple of chase up calls, the dr turns up, and she was sent to hospital and has a broken hip.
Being the youngest, and little sister, I want to help so much, but dont know how :(
Answers
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Hi wiggal
Poor you - it's horrible feeling that there is nothing you can do isn't it? In practical terms there probably isn't much - your sister-in-law's mum is now being looked after and your step dad will presumably be under investigation for something in his job. For the time being I imagine the best you can do is keep in touch and be there for them if they need to talk and also help out with any little things which come up. Have a hug
(((((hug)))))
Poor you - it's horrible feeling that there is nothing you can do isn't it? In practical terms there probably isn't much - your sister-in-law's mum is now being looked after and your step dad will presumably be under investigation for something in his job. For the time being I imagine the best you can do is keep in touch and be there for them if they need to talk and also help out with any little things which come up. Have a hug
(((((hug)))))
(((((hugs))) wiggal, I am sure that your family dont want to worry you, but know that you will be there to give them support. Talk to them, tell them how you feel, they probably want to protect you, as you are the youngest. But you can let them know that you are able to cope with the worry, and as they say "a problem shared is a problem halved".
Good luck
Hxx
Good luck
Hxx
Hey Bensmum,
With my stepdad, it was over a stupid thing, he replied to a 'call' saying something to call despatch, but it was read by the wrong people.
I'm just so worried for them, my mum is in bits and so is he.
Although some good has come from it, he has always been interested in plumbing and gas works and stuff, so is now going to be taking a course in his spare time to become a corgi registered gas engineer which he has wanted to do for a long time, but has now got the push he needed. He is 60 next year.
As for my sister in laws mum, i just feel so terrible, my sister in laws brother died in november from a heart attack, she is caring for her mum who has alzheimers along with working and looking after 3 kids who, to be fair, are making things so so hard!
With my stepdad, it was over a stupid thing, he replied to a 'call' saying something to call despatch, but it was read by the wrong people.
I'm just so worried for them, my mum is in bits and so is he.
Although some good has come from it, he has always been interested in plumbing and gas works and stuff, so is now going to be taking a course in his spare time to become a corgi registered gas engineer which he has wanted to do for a long time, but has now got the push he needed. He is 60 next year.
As for my sister in laws mum, i just feel so terrible, my sister in laws brother died in november from a heart attack, she is caring for her mum who has alzheimers along with working and looking after 3 kids who, to be fair, are making things so so hard!
I want to in some way be able to help my mum financially. She is so stressed and on thursday she even asked me if I loved her. When I said of course I do and why was she asking such a stupid question, she said she was feeling so insecure about everything, with my stepdads job and what was going on.
My partner earns a good wage as an IT contractor and we he has said we will help them if we can, but I dont want them to feel we feel we need to help them. But they have always been there for me (my stepdad has been with my mum 17 years & im 21 so as far as im concerned he is like my dad).
My partner earns a good wage as an IT contractor and we he has said we will help them if we can, but I dont want them to feel we feel we need to help them. But they have always been there for me (my stepdad has been with my mum 17 years & im 21 so as far as im concerned he is like my dad).
Hi, your mum and stepdad are obviously trying to protect you by not telling you the full facts about their situation. Does your stepdad have full sick pay or statutory sick pay?
I would imagine that your brother in laws family have enough support from their own close relatives without the need to put even more pressure on yourself - sometimes it is very hard to take a step back and let others cope - i know this through my own experiences.
From your post I would assume you have enough to deal with with your own parent(s) situation of which i doubt your sister in mansfield can devote her time to with her mother in laws current predicament.
I would wait and see how much support is asked of you and, if you need to, offer that support - often the offer of support means more than actually being there.
At the end of the day you need to ensure that you are able to cope with the situations around you before you over commit yourself to support others.
I wish you all the best and hope the pressure on you reduces as soon as possible.
I would imagine that your brother in laws family have enough support from their own close relatives without the need to put even more pressure on yourself - sometimes it is very hard to take a step back and let others cope - i know this through my own experiences.
From your post I would assume you have enough to deal with with your own parent(s) situation of which i doubt your sister in mansfield can devote her time to with her mother in laws current predicament.
I would wait and see how much support is asked of you and, if you need to, offer that support - often the offer of support means more than actually being there.
At the end of the day you need to ensure that you are able to cope with the situations around you before you over commit yourself to support others.
I wish you all the best and hope the pressure on you reduces as soon as possible.
Hi currob,
It is my sister & sister in law, and my sister in law is very much a sister to me rather then 'in law'. They do have a lot of family around them, but they are all still dealing with the death of my sister in laws brother.
We live 150 miles from them, so I know there is not much I can do to help them, apart from be there on the phone when they need.
As far as my mum and stepdad are concerned, I partly feel so s*** because moneywise we are lucky, my partner is currenty earning �300 a day, and we seem to spend it with no problems, we are skint at the end of the month, but we have nothing to show for it. Now knowing the problems my mum is having, I would much rather go without, and help them in some way.
It is my sister & sister in law, and my sister in law is very much a sister to me rather then 'in law'. They do have a lot of family around them, but they are all still dealing with the death of my sister in laws brother.
We live 150 miles from them, so I know there is not much I can do to help them, apart from be there on the phone when they need.
As far as my mum and stepdad are concerned, I partly feel so s*** because moneywise we are lucky, my partner is currenty earning �300 a day, and we seem to spend it with no problems, we are skint at the end of the month, but we have nothing to show for it. Now knowing the problems my mum is having, I would much rather go without, and help them in some way.
wiggal -please try your hardest to take a step back cos me being a mum -I would then have more worries to contend with.
Be there to support your immediate family -even by doing the shopping and things like that -but try to be on the helpful side of things -i can assure you that is a crucial role.
Be strong hun -we all have needed peeps like you -and I can bet ya you will be needed -just dont get into the guts of it.
Take care hun mega mwah xxx
Be there to support your immediate family -even by doing the shopping and things like that -but try to be on the helpful side of things -i can assure you that is a crucial role.
Be strong hun -we all have needed peeps like you -and I can bet ya you will be needed -just dont get into the guts of it.
Take care hun mega mwah xxx
Hey drisgirl.
Thank you for your reply.
If I still lived at home, I would have no problem doing the shopping, but as I dont, it would seem a bit weird!
I felt so poo (putting it very very nicely!) the last couple of days as I went to see my sisters with my mum and stepdad, and I was completely skint! I had �25 in my purse which is to last me til pay day (my fella has �60 to last til next friday). My mum and stepdad paid for a pub lunch for me yesterday, and lunch out today on the way home. If it was earlier in the month I would of had no problem and would of paid for it all, but this month we bought a new flatscreen tv and had to have my car fixed and MOT done.
And there my mum & stepdad paying for stuff for me!
Thank you for your reply.
If I still lived at home, I would have no problem doing the shopping, but as I dont, it would seem a bit weird!
I felt so poo (putting it very very nicely!) the last couple of days as I went to see my sisters with my mum and stepdad, and I was completely skint! I had �25 in my purse which is to last me til pay day (my fella has �60 to last til next friday). My mum and stepdad paid for a pub lunch for me yesterday, and lunch out today on the way home. If it was earlier in the month I would of had no problem and would of paid for it all, but this month we bought a new flatscreen tv and had to have my car fixed and MOT done.
And there my mum & stepdad paying for stuff for me!
Hi wiggal,
sorry, i posted my reply before i saw your next two replies.. i.e. when the thread was only 3 deep.
i just felt a lot of empathy with you as i have had lots of pressure from my extended family during extreme times.
my family always look to me for support and i learned the hard way that always being there and taking everything on my shoulders eventually ground me down. This may not be applicable to your situation however i felt the need to say it.
not being with your family at a time of need is very distressing and the distance between you will only make things worse.
I am sure that they appreciate that you are there for them in the same way that you would if you needed them. I don't think you can do any more than you are doing now.
Try to take comfort in knowing that they can rely on you when needed and make sure you look after yourself well so if needed you can be there.
As far as the money issue goes, if they will take it and you can free up the cash then the most important thing is family.
sorry, i posted my reply before i saw your next two replies.. i.e. when the thread was only 3 deep.
i just felt a lot of empathy with you as i have had lots of pressure from my extended family during extreme times.
my family always look to me for support and i learned the hard way that always being there and taking everything on my shoulders eventually ground me down. This may not be applicable to your situation however i felt the need to say it.
not being with your family at a time of need is very distressing and the distance between you will only make things worse.
I am sure that they appreciate that you are there for them in the same way that you would if you needed them. I don't think you can do any more than you are doing now.
Try to take comfort in knowing that they can rely on you when needed and make sure you look after yourself well so if needed you can be there.
As far as the money issue goes, if they will take it and you can free up the cash then the most important thing is family.
Think in a cack handed way i was saying that mountains can b made of molehills-I have been in every situ you have said but at the end of the day you cut your cloth acording to yer jib (sorry thats what I was told and it made sense ?????) -at the time -well anything would have.
I swear down that what you are going thro will sort itself out -naw I didnt believe it either -but its true -hang fire -it will sort itself out ! x
You are way too young to deal with this complex siti -take a wee step back but still be pro -active in the helping sense.trust me hun -you will be fine xx
I swear down that what you are going thro will sort itself out -naw I didnt believe it either -but its true -hang fire -it will sort itself out ! x
You are way too young to deal with this complex siti -take a wee step back but still be pro -active in the helping sense.trust me hun -you will be fine xx
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