will i ever forget her ?

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

Over 20 years ago I met and lived with a girl who was I think the love of my life.
We had the most amazing life together and we lived as if we were the same person. Every aspect of the relationship was fantastic and the lovemaking was out of this world.
Sadly geography pulled us apart.
Since then I have met other women, dated, lived with and married some of them but nobody has ever lived up to my ex. It has really screwed up these relationships. I am now witha great person who I love to bits, and I know that she feels the same. But I can never seem to capture the same passion and excitement I had with that girl years ago.
I really don't want to lose my current lover but just don't know how to keep my ex out of my mind. Is there really just one true love for everyone ?

[RevFunk]

If she was the love of your life why did you let geography pull you apart?

[sense4all]

Omg just looking at the name you aren't a pilot are you cos I used to have explicit biblical knowledge of one who moved to Canada ... I am still not running away WITH YOU. lol

[lil123]

No, I think you can get it again.
I was with my first love for nearly 20 years but he was very violent to me but I put up with it as I loved him so much.
I do have days when I still think about him but you have to move on and then its easier.
I have met someone else who I feel I really love now but it is very different to the other one.
I feel its important to love yourself too and to learn to make your self happy on your own as I have as I was single for 18mths in between and I am on own now as my boyfriend lives 60 miles away.

[unhappychick]

Maybe you cannot capture the passion and excitement because your not letting go.....The woman you were in love with all that time ago has probably grown into a completely different person and your clinging on to someone who doesnt excist anymore, Im not saying that is the case, but its a possibility.....have you ever tried contacting your ex, via friends reunited, myspace etc? you never know she may be feeling exactly the same way as you!

[Ice.Maiden]

Now...my grandma fell in love with someone before she married my grandfather. She was forever thinking about her first love (who died suddenly), and it's only now that she's in her 80's, that she looks back and says what a waste of her emotions it was. She thinks she was living on the dream of what might've been, as it was her first serious boyfriend. When you're young and your hormones are rampant, it's no wonder that you never forget that first special person - but if you were to get back with the girel who was the love of your life, I think you'd find that your illusions'd be shattered. Put it down to experience, and then try and give your all to someone who deserves it.

[Velvetee]

You are living a dream that was the past. Who is to say if you were still with this other woman, that you'd still be happy today. If you were both truely soulmates then geography would not have been an issue.

You need to put your past life aside and enjoy what is in your present. You say you and your current partner love each other, but as we get older, we usually become more rational and down to earth, so that same heady passion you had 20 years ago, just feels different, but is probably just as intense before.

Life is too short to keep wondering what might have been. You are wasting your time with fantasy. Appreciate what you have now and what is real and just move on and be happy.

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

Strangely, I dreamt about her again last night. It is one of those dreams you don't wan to wake up from.

Thank you all so much for your answers. They have all helped and , yes, it is time to move on and live for the day.

[tinkerbell99]

my fiance is in the army and is based on the other end of the country and we make it work fine what i advise to you if you feel that strong about this girl is get in touch with her and rekindle your relationship with her long distance can work you just both have to compromise x

[Velvetee]

If I was your girlfriend Nightflight, I'd well and truely dump you. You obviously enjoy living this fantasy and you should stop wasting your current girlfriend's time, so she can meet someone who really respects and wants her.

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

No, I don't enjoy it, it has been a real problem for me to come to terms with.

[taichiperson]

It's rare for relationships to maintain the kind of intensity you describe. How long were you together? How are you to know that it wouldn't have turned sour? You were very lucky to have had such a relationship - many never find anything close. The relationship will always be a cherished memory - let it remain so and move on.

[DrFilth]

andy hughes always gives good advice
(You have to make a decision, because living in the past is making you, and other, unhappy. Enjoy your memories, but keep in mind, that is what they are - memories. )
thats why i am living in the past and probably keeping me on dosulepin tablets. i will never find a lady like the one i was with. my friend has offered to take me free of charge to thailand for a holiday and he can not understand why i am not interested. think i will live with my memories,they are happy ones

[Seafarer1966]

It's called 'nostalgia'.

We think back to when we were kids and the summers were longer and hotter, food tasted better, evrything was better.

Everyone has a soft spot for a first love. I know I do after 30 years....but I love the young woman from back then.....not the size 22 whale she is today.

It's a natural thang.

[Velvetee]

Do you keep in contact with the ex of 20 years ago? Would she want to get back with you? Is she already in a relationship?

I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but you need to be given a good shaking and told to pull yourself together. Maybe you need to get counselling, because this just isn't right or normal.

[charleychew]

Dear Nightflight,

I know it's been a while since you posted the question but I just wanted to say that you are not alone when you mention the fact that you are still in love with your ex. Iam too, even though it has been over 12 years since we split up. Iam now married with two kids. All I can say is what you had with your ex was special,but unfortunately it is in the past. Maybe the reason you still love your ex so much is because you simply haven't met your solemate yet. I firmly believe that this is the case for me,based on the pretence that if I was with the right person then I wouldn't be thinking about anyone else.