Query

[debbiemk]

Ok, I just found out recently after about a year of suspicion that my husband had in fact been sleeping around. He has in fact now admitted to at least three one night stands but I suspect it is a lot more. He said he would move out but has now changed his mind and is carrying on as if nothing has happened. Before recently going away (before I found out the great news) he tried to stop me leaving (along with my younger child of 14 years) and eventuallyt he police were called as I got hurt by him even though it was probably accident. Because the police were called to the marital home he now says that everything that has happened is my fault and that is should be me that leaves and not him as he says I would not be able to afford the mortgage etc,, by myself ( I can btw). He insists that I talk to him when he is there (which I don't really feel like doing) and this is making a bit of an atmosphere in the house. This is obviously not a very good situation to either of the girls (the elder being 16). I might add that although he has not physically abusive up till now his temper is such that I walk away from confrontation rather than see it through because, his temper terrifies me and I am convinced that one day soon he will lash out if he can not get what he wants.

[zzxxee]

get yourself a really good solicitor who can liase with the police also contact your doctor keep a diary of any events that happen dates times ect to refer to for future reference and please file for a DIVORCE as soon as possible

[debbiemk]

Would love nothing more than to change the locks but, property is in joint names so, can't do that!
Am seeing a solicitor next Thursday but wanted to see if I could get some advice before then as I only have half an hour with solicitor which is costing �70 plus just for that half hour! Want to get my thoughts straight before then with a small list of the most important points.

[zzxxee]

make an appointment with citizens advice advice all free also look for some free advice from an online solicitor

[debbiemk]

am trying to get an appt with CAB but its very nearly impossible! Wld love to cut his balls off and something else to! Don't fancy cleaning up after it though and no good saying he would do it because he wouldn't. Quite content to sit on his arse whilst me being the **** does it! Well NO more!

[zzxxee]

try cab online

[Slooow_Jo]

He has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, now he is trying to shift the blame from himself, next he will be telling you, that it was you who drove him to other women blah blah blah. Its worrying how you say you were hurt by him although it may have been an accident :o( your not the one in the wrong & he knows it, so hold your head up high & prepare yourself for all the crap he is probably gonna try & throw at you. I dont think it sounds like he is going to make things easy for you so be strong & good luck xx

[Ice.Maiden]

Some good ideas for you here, debbie - and a health check for yourself wouldn't go amiss.
Apart from that, you need some proper advice and quickly, because you surely couldn't contemplate staying with a man who's liable to explode, and it must be a terrible atmosphere for your children to be in. best of luck to you hun.

[Mr.NoseVIII]

typo...

[terambulan]

How do your daughters feel about him? If they side with you then the three of you can lay into him and easily beat him up and chase him out of the home.

There are women who see affairs with married men as a sport and delight in the 'forbidden fruit'. Some men weaken at the onslaught.

List the for's and against your marriage....whichever is the longest list, act on that.

A divorce is easily got with registration in your local Courts....costs �250ish and Magistrate divides assets....all very quick and civil.

[ceejn]

I think he uses his temper as a threat ,ie " If you don't do this,look what MAY happen" Living on eggshells is not a nice way to live.The constant worry of what MAY happen is often enough to keep you in line . This is bullying tactics and he knows it works,after all who wants to get hit.Good Luck with this,i have been there and its not easy,but if you've made up your mind to seperate see it through.

[debbiemk]

Tx to everyone for all the advice that has been posted on here.
Have an appointment with a solicitor next thurs (18th) so hopefully might get some help there.
Asked him last night to sleep downstairs and he hit the roof! (and yes he has still been sharing the bed up till now) explained that I was not sleeping properly but he said he would only do it for one night only bla, bla bla. Said that he wanted to talk NOW when I was going to bed. Upset the girls big time to. Elder one says that I need to talk to him and because I don't thats why he gets angry, problem is he does not listen! Its my fault that he has been sleeping around as I did not give him enough affection!!!
He also said last night that I should leave as I would not be able to pay mortgage. I told him I was going to get some advice so, now this morning he is all nice and wants to have a talk later as to what I want to do. Will tell him I want him to go and that its easier if he does because of the girls but doubt he will take any notice. My friend said to tell him that if he loves the girls he will go and that the rest can be sorted out later. I know that I can not stay with him because all I see is him sleeping with another woman that has no face. Sorry this is so long! Tx again for all the advice if anyone else has any suggestions I am open to them

[billbobaggin]

Hi, I would suggest you contact your local womens refuge who will support you emotionally and usually have free legal advisors/sessions. good luck ;-)

[what..the?]

The relevant section in the yellow pages might be good, alot of family solictors etc offer free advice, phone them up and get all the free advice you need.