Too much too young?

[tigwig]

Well I had a meeting at school yesterday with the teacher about my 4yr old. she never once said anything positive just that my daughter doesn't always listen (shocking I know). She showed me her workbook and I made the mistake of saying she has done better work at home. The teacher then told my daughter to come back to the table and said 'your mummy's very disappointed with you'! Stupidly I sat there and said nothing then went home and cried! I have since had a word again with the teacher and she did apologise and said it was me who gave her that impression. I just think they have to do so much now. She was only 4 in June and now she's Upper foundation she has gone from last year to playing then this year is expected to sit at a table and copy full sentences from the blackboard! She is still mornings only at school and is with children who attend all day and are older. Don't you think this is too much for a 4yr old?

[lozzylou]

hi tigwig, my son has just started state nursery he is 3. in his school the nursery class and the reception class which are al the 3 and 4 year olds do everything together and are seperated from the rest of the school. they share the same playground, the work from the same books etc. my sons class is there half a day and the reception class are there all day. they have an open class room for an hour a day where they all mix together and use each others toys.none of them are expected to sit at a table and write. they have one to one reading where theyhave a picture book that the child reads there own story to the teacher.
to get a 4 year old to sit and write is too much i think, i know that they have to learn to do it at some ge but maybe they could gradually work them in.

[onlyme26]

i think it totally depends on what the child has experienced before school

i had the opposite problem i think, my daughter started nusery when she was 2 and a half -3 days a week and by the time she was 3 i was working full time, she absolutly loved it, she could write her own name and full sentences at the age of 3, and when she started school at 4 (full days) she was alot more advanced then alot of the other kids, so i was worried she wasnt learning enough!!

all kids are different, we only had the option for half days for the first 2 weeks then it was full days,

i think being with older kids is going to be difficult for any child tho, are they much older?
surely cant do much for their confidence if they are with older kids as they will feel like they lack behind??

also that comment from the teacher was awful!!

as long as you praise your child at home and tell them how proud you are of them i doubt they will gove it a 2nd thought!

in time they will get used to it, i wouldnt worry
xxx

[wonkon-wonk]

Possibly a bad teacher. All kids are different ,in shape, size and even colour. When my 3rd child started school he was more timid than the first two .
And the teacher had the temerity to tell me that he was not as bright as the other two
I knew this was not the case because at home he had shown me he was equally as bright as the others, so i put it down to him being uncomfortable in his knew surroundings.
But what the teacher had said really p*ssed me off after all what she said was just a cop out.
so one day (lets call him little Johny) came home with with a picture of an ape, to be precise a chimpanzee
underneath the picture was the word Monkey written by an adult, Thank god the adult turned out to be the same teacher that stated little johny was not as bright as my other children.
I took him to school that day and educated the teacher a little on the subject of Anthropoids
and told her if she was was not sure on a particular topic in future, go and see one of my other children at the same school.
I told her to forget about the tail difference ,and that one of the greatest differences between a monkey and an ape is believed to be in intelligence levels ...........
just to see the look on her face , it was a picture.

jump up *** she was!

[andy-hughes]

As the husband of someone who has worked for thirty years in education, I used to go to my youngest's Open Nights and ask if she was happy, and bonding with her classmates, and enjoying school, because at that age, that is all I wanted for her, so i ignored the rest.

Education has never been left to settle, it is contantly altered and modified to impress parents and voters who know very little about it at all - again I put my hand up as one of them.

Try not to worry about your little one's progress - they all develop at different rates, but this is not the age to be concerned. Let her enjoy school at her own pace, ignore who much quicker or slower other children are, don;t worry, and enjoy her childhood.

You'll both be glad you did.

[zzxxee]

some teachers just have a way that makes it seem like its your falt kids sont listen or your fault your childs work is not up to scratch..... It is their job from nine until 3.30 to teach your child ... we can do so much at home but our children go to school to be educated.. you will always come across teachers during your childs time at school... dont worry if it becomes upseting for your child maybe she needs to go to another school....

[zzxxee]

what i ment to say was you will always come across bad teachers during your childs time at school but also some fantastic ones.. your child is still only 4 so dont expect to much from her shes still a baby really... some european countries kids dont start school until they are 6 or 7. i think we expect far to much from kids far to soon in the uk

[curiosity]

Hi I agree this teacher is well out of order. I had a similar experience when my first child (now 17) started the school nursery, the nursery assistant was so negative about her, first saying she was stubborn and only responded when she wanted to, then saying oh and she doesn't pronounce some of her words clearly, I half expected her to go on to tell me she found her ugly! It is the first experience we have of strangers commenting on our children in anything other than a positive light, and feels strange, but it still needs sensitivity and compassion! Just a note on the "does not listen" comment, my daughter moved up to reception after nursery where the teacher didn't hint at a problem until her end of term report, where she said she doesn't listen and finds it hard to stay focussed and is fidgety in group activity. I asked the teacher "Does she not listen or can she not hear?" The teacher was very apologetic as this had not occurred to her (which many other teachers say it should have been her first concern). My daughters hearing was down when tested and the specialist said with group/background noise it would have been like being in the swimming baths for her. She had gromits fitted and everything was great. But anyway, they are very young and they should be still playing! I'm sure your daughter will be fine and flourish (maybe with a better teacher) good luck.

[sun5hinez]

I believe that children are pushed very hard at school, and if they dont fall into that particular spectrum it can be difficult. Both my children are at primary school and they do struggle a little with the academic side, but they are so happy at the same time. I have always tried to encourage their social skills and compassion, I believe that the academic side of things comes at their own rate, and if they grow up with good social skills, kindness and to have those years as being children, by the time they really need to knuckle down, they will be ready. It is far to early to get concerned. But as for the teacher saying that you was disappointed with your child, I would have been fuming and made it very clear that I wasnt disappointed in the slightest. Dont worry, your child has many years ahead to develop her own academic skills in her own time. x

[Ethel]

Some countries don't start formal education until the child is 7 - they may attend kindergarten where they learn to socialise and play.

At 7 they have much better manual dexterity and learn to read and write very quickly and by the age of 8 or 9 have caught up with children who start proper lessons at 4 or 5.

Sweden is one such country and I think they have the right idea.

[Bbbananas]

the teacher sounds a right pr@t and no way should she have told your little girl that you were disappointed in her.

At 4 years old I think too much is expected of them these days. A 4 year old "doesn't always listen" - shock horror!

[sun5hinez]

Ethel, you have spoken exactly what is close to my heart. When my now 8 year old was struggling with the reading and maths I really did think he had so much pressure, and seeing that European countries have a much higher literacy rate by the time they leave school amazed me, as like you said, they don't start to read and write until the age of 7. This is the same with Steiner education, which again has great academic results!!! My 8 year old is now blossoming, he is ready! I never pushed him, I didnt want him to have any pressure or stress at school, I wanted him to be happy - which he is!

[tigwig]

thanks for the answers I agree with all of them especially about the age that children begin to read and write in other countries. If only it was the same here!
I have spoken to several other parents now and they have all said that the Foundation Unit is run by 'horrible' teachers and once she is in the big school its fine! Nice to know that isn't it?! You would have thought the teachers/ nursery nurses responsible for the youngest children in school would be the nicest.