Accepting a new family member

[RW62]

My husband's 19 year old daughter has just traced him after 16 years. She seems to have taken over his and our lives. She is constantly texting all day and evening and I feel sidelined and like I'm on the outside looking in. I don't know how I feel about this girl but she's totally thrown me. Any thoughts anyone?

[lil75]

I imagine this is very hard for you, but you must remember they have 16 years to catch up on, and if they are getting on, its all exciting at the moment, just do what your doing and be there...im sure the initial excitement will calm down after a while x

[trt]

Hi RW62,

I think she is entitled to get in touch with her Father, but what is she saying in the text and, does she live far away?

[CAJ1]

I'm sure it is hard for you, but she probably feels like she has been sidelined her whole life! I'm sure this will only last while they get to know each other and then things will settle down. Does your husband also feel that his life has been taken over or is that just your opinion?

[smudge]

RW62 - You say your husband's daughter has 'just' traced him, so it's very early days yet.

I appreciate how hard it must be hard for you, 'specially feeling sidelined by your husband, but please allow him & her a little time to get to know each other. She obviously has so many questions she wants to ask him & to tell him about what's been happening in her life over the last 16 years.

I'm sure once this 'honeymoon' period is over, things will settle down & you may get to enjoy her company too.

Take care.

[pusskin]

hi rww62----
i am speaking from experience .!!!!
Please , please give them time to get over the experience of finding each other. It can take a little while, so please be patient. Its a truly heart wrenching thing their going through, and I completely understand how they feel.
Please bare with them for a while , and it will soon settle down , and they will find their comfort zone

[mobileman]

Sorry to sound pessimistic or to sound like i am building your hopes up my daughter and i reunited after 16 years due to a tragic event, my girlfriend at the time seen my daughter as some kind of threat i had to leave my x as it was causeing us problems as i tried to make sure everyone around me was happy (ie) my daughter and my girlfriend, as i have mentioned above due to tragic circumstances i felt my daughter needed me more therefore i had to move out of my girlfriends for a break only to find that with 6 weeks my daughter has never been in touch and my x partner well she found herself with a 26 year old within 2 months or less of me leaving and me well i am on my own. Choice is yours ?

[pastafreak]

My own ex was traced by a daughter he had with another woman...and she may have been about the same age as your husbands girl. Our own daughter -who was about 6 at the time-was thrilled to bits to discover she had a 'big' sister.....and they had a close relationship. My husband's relationship with her was a bit different...he had spent 15 years keeping it fron his mum, and he had never really bonded with her...so things were awkward to say the least. ......now,18 years down the line,my daughter is the only one to have steady contact with her half sister...sad really.
DO give them time to get to know each other-it may be the only chance they get. At least they are both willing....you will not be forgotten. Just be as welcoming to her as possible, and let your home be open to her.

[RW62]

My husband says their texts are just passing the time of day but 50-70 texts per day! She lives about 1/2 mile from us and has come to our house for dinner and evenings regularly since he met her 6 weeks ago.

[suzi-q]

I understand how you feel. I don't know if you have any children yourself? What you must try and remember is that your husband's daughter is not a threat to your relationship unless you make yourself a rival. She is a young girl, has just discovered her father and wants to make up for lost time. She is probably feeling quite besotted by her father at the moment and you of all people should understand how she feels, after all you fell in love with him yourself. Give them both the space and freedom to get to know each other. Be there for him and support him in this and he will appreciate that for always