should I try save my marriage?

[chai]

Hello, my husband of 5 years told me over the weekend he doesn't love me anymore, I thought we were fine. He had a religious upbringing but he was thrown out before he met me. His family have not had anything to do with us. With all the things in the news being doom and gloom he thinks the end of the world is nigh and has went back to his church. I do not agree with his church and their views and although we don't have any kids I have always said when they do come along I didn't want them to have any part of the church. He now says he wants his kids raised in church and I should come along too.
This was the original reason we fell out but since them, it has emerged that he has been unhappy for a while and feels we are two separate people with different goals, we have drifted apart. I now think he is using the church to ge through this rather than it being the cause.
I agree we have drifted apart but I would like to work at it and rebuild our relationship but am I just prolonging the agony because it hurts too much?

[Maypole]

Chai, Im very sorry to hear things are so glum. I dont think you should give up yet.

It is possible he has found a way back to his religion and now considers you a distraction from that (sorry to put it so bluntly) but it would be interesting to know what kind of religion countenances the breaking of marriage vows.

However, given the end-is-nigh concerns, its quite possible he has an anxiety problem and is turning to the church as a way through that. That might be perfectly valid but it would be a shame to use that as a reason to break up your marriage when it doesnt need to be broken.

If you think he is using the church as a way of evading responsibility then ask him who is saying a choice has to made. Ask him what his spiritual leaders think of breaking up a marriage. Ask him why his newfound commitment to the church is worth more than his previous commitment to you. Tell him you are willing to work at it and you believe there is a possibility you still have a lot of goals in common and would like some time to work it out together.

Good luck

[yogasun]

Sorry to read this. I would be interested to know what religion as Maypole said---is it Jehovah's Witnesses ?
I am aware that any 'outsider' who doesn't embrace their ideas totally is unwelcome and this can divide families.

[homedeeth]

get shot of him. he's told you that he doesn't love you anymore! that must be really hurtful!

[jenniprice]

Everyone goes through bad times in they're life and relationships have there ups and downs.
it sounds like he is just depressed and worried about life, but I think you should speak to him and work through it together.

he must've loved you when he married you as presumably he didn't care about all this church stuff, and just because you have different views doesn't mean you should be apart.
And if you do decide to have children then you can show them both your feelings about religion, and as they get older they can choose what they want to do, but just dont presurise them.

I think you're marriage is worth saving, have long chats, rekindle some romance and then if this doesn't work then maybe it's best to walk away, but you dont want to regret it in the future that you didn't atleast try.

[chai]

Thank you all for your answers, they pretty much sum up how I am feeling and yes, his religion is Jehovah's Witness. We are going out to the cinema tonight so we'll see how it goes.
C

[Maypole]

Best of luck Chai, hope you make some inroads xx

[beso]

He had a religious upbringing and was thrown out of home. Says a lot about the attitudes of his religion. JWs are intolerant extremists. Abandonning those who will not adopt their faith is not unusual.

You will always clash over his faith and the church will teach that he is to continually try to convert you. They also teach that the woman must obey the man and he should not tolerate your insubordination.

There is no point working on this relationship. Get out now or one day you will wake up and realise your life has passed you by. Just get your stuff and leave.

There is a way better life for you without this religious fanatic.

[tufty7]

Oh dear Chai, As much as you really may want this to work out only you can make the call if you want to finish and move on ,

I do have a friend in the same situation and they split up after JV came between them, I am afraid birds of a feather flock together and if that is the path he wants to take then he is walking away from you into the arms of the church and "mental" illness in my opinion,

I do not feel going to church in whatever guise makes you either a good person or a bad person but things need to be kept in moderation a we all have to live in the real world,

Just make sure you walk away with what is rightly yours, if you can do it amicably and fairly then please do so , if you choose to stay I hope that you find happiness and love re ignites itself , only you can make that choice , best of luck , Live life to the full .....

[Whoever]

Religion has a lot to answer for, doesn't it? Having had a close relative in exactly the same situation as yours, I suspect you will find that his church has a very deep pull on him now that he's returned to it. I think it's time for you to think very deeply about how his church is going to influence YOUR life is you stay together. Will you always be dragged into affairs to which you don't feel committed, and if you have children who are brought up in his religion, will they become alienated from you? From what you have told us, i suspect this is probably crunch time in your relationship if you have drifted apart after only five years. Perhaps it would be more honest to ask yourselves what common ties you now have to hold you together. It does rather sound as if you are going in opposite directions with some very important fundamental differences in your marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a joyful relationship. When it no longer is, and there are no children to consider, perhaps it's time to call it a day. However, if this is what you both decide, please try and do it amicably and recognise that you both tried to make it work. The way a marriage breaks up can have a huge impact on the way people are able to pick up the threads and rebuild their lives again afterwards.