War Graves at Passendale

[Dudley]

I have just come back from a trip to Belgium which included a visit to the Commonwealth War Graves Cemetery between Passendale and Ypres. It was very moving. One thing that puzzled us is that on several of the memorial stones (but only those marked with The Star of David) someone had neatly placed some pebbles on the top of the stone. Is there any significance to this or is it merely coincidence?

[Octavius]

It is a jewish tradition, apparently as a calling card to show the deceased that you had visited their grave.  The following is provided by a Rabbi:

Ritual is a way of expressing our emotions and spiritual needs. We need physical acts to express these things for us, to make them concrete.

Placing a stone on a grave does just that. It works in several ways:

1) It is a sign to others who come to the grave when I am not there that they and I are not the only ones who remember. The stones I see on the grave when I come are a reminder to me that others have come to visit the grave. My loved one is remembered by many others and his/her life continues to have an impact on others, even if I do not see them.

2) When I pick up the stone it sends a message to me. I can still feel my loved one. I can still touch and be touched by him/her. I can still feel the impact that has been made on my life. Their life, love, teachings, values, and morals still make an impression on me. When I put the stone down, it is a reminder to me that I can no longer take this person with me physically. I can only take him/her with me in my heart and my mind and the actions I do because he/she taught me to do them. Their values, morals, ideals live on and continue to impress me - just as the stone has made an impression on my hands - so too their life has made an impression on me that continues.

[Dudley]

Thank you Octavius. A brilliant and comprehensive answer.

[Octavius]

No problem Dudley.

There is some debate over of what the tradition actually relates to, although most scholars disagree on the true history, they all agree that it stems from acts contained within scripture.  For example:

An early Midrash Lekah Tov (also known as Pesikta Zutra) 35:20 relates that each of Jacob's sons took a stone and put it on Rachel's grave to make up Rachel's tomb. Here and elsewhere we learn that by placing stones on the grave one participates in building the tombstone.

Responsa YabiaOmer IV, Yoreh Deah 35:  In former days one did not mark a grave with marble or granite with a fancy inscription, but one made a cairn of stones over it. Each mourner coming and adding a stone was effectively taking part in the Mitzvah of matzevah ("setting a stone") as well as or instead of levayat ha-meyt ("accompany the dead"). Therefore one tends to stick a pebble on top of the tombstone as a relic of this ancient custom, and the more stones a grave has, the more the deceased is being visited and is therefore being honored. Each small pebble adds to the cairn.

 

[Clanad]

Rabbi David Wolpe also adds -  The practice of burying the dead with flowers is almost as old as humanity. Even in prehistoric caves, some burial grounds have been found with evidence that flowers were used in interment. But Jewish authorities have often objected to bringing flowers to the grave. There are scattered Talmudic mentions of spices and twigs used in burial (Berachot 43a, Betzah 6a). Yet the prevailing view was that bringing flowers smacks of a pagan custom. That is why, today, one rarely sees flowers on the graves in traditional Jewish cemeteries. Instead there are stones, small and large, piled without pattern on the grave, as though a community were being haphazardly built. Walking in the military cemetery of Jerusalem, for example, one can see heaps of stones on the graves of fallen soldiers, like small fortresses.

[Haggisdj]

Do you not remember the end of Schindler's List?

[Dudley]

Hard to believe I know but I haven't seen Schindlers List. I probably will now.