Please Help With Helping An Old Person...
Technology1 min ago
Rubbish Family
15 Answers
Hi guys,
I guess this is more a rant than a question, but every year, me and my parents go over to see my brother and his family on Christmas night. Every year we have a miserable time there, they aren't very good hosts and tend to pay more attention to their little family unit than to us, their guests. So most of the time we just sit and talk amongst ourselves while they get on with it.
This year, my mum thought that rather than go over in the evening, we'd go over late morning so we still see them and swap presents, but mum can just sit and relax in the evening and both our dinners aren't interrupted. She asked if this was ok and my brother flat out said no. His reason? They'll all still be in their pyjamas. He said if we don't go over in the evening we might aswell drop the presents off xmas eve and forget a proper visit.
Am I right to be annoyed about this? On boxing day, the sister in laws entire extended family is going over there for the whole day, we haven't had an invite. I suppose what gets to me the most is that my parents are constantly doing favours for my bro, diy, lifts, shopping - but he does nothing in return. Why can't they spare a couple of hours in the morning for us?
I wanted to say something to him, but mum has asked me not to as it would cause upset. I can see her point, but at the same time, my brother needs to know what an idiot he's being, and how much he's upset my mum.
Sorry its so long and sorry if this should be in 'family', but what would you do in this situation?
I guess this is more a rant than a question, but every year, me and my parents go over to see my brother and his family on Christmas night. Every year we have a miserable time there, they aren't very good hosts and tend to pay more attention to their little family unit than to us, their guests. So most of the time we just sit and talk amongst ourselves while they get on with it.
This year, my mum thought that rather than go over in the evening, we'd go over late morning so we still see them and swap presents, but mum can just sit and relax in the evening and both our dinners aren't interrupted. She asked if this was ok and my brother flat out said no. His reason? They'll all still be in their pyjamas. He said if we don't go over in the evening we might aswell drop the presents off xmas eve and forget a proper visit.
Am I right to be annoyed about this? On boxing day, the sister in laws entire extended family is going over there for the whole day, we haven't had an invite. I suppose what gets to me the most is that my parents are constantly doing favours for my bro, diy, lifts, shopping - but he does nothing in return. Why can't they spare a couple of hours in the morning for us?
I wanted to say something to him, but mum has asked me not to as it would cause upset. I can see her point, but at the same time, my brother needs to know what an idiot he's being, and how much he's upset my mum.
Sorry its so long and sorry if this should be in 'family', but what would you do in this situation?
Answers
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Families can be very precious about xmas morning- being the time the kids get their presents etc, and not really qhen guests arrive. So I can see his point about that. They clearly would rather just have their own family around them and not be bothered by in-laws. I think most people would agree! It is easier to just deal with your nearest and dearest rather than extended family, which is always where the pressure and stress starts. I would say to him that it is his turn to visit YOU, and get him and the kids to come and visit you and their grandparents some time early afternoon for a couple of hours. Or, get them to come over on xmas eve tea time for cake and tea, and to have their pressies then. Get him to do some of the work for a change.
And if he doesn't, he won't see you, and the kids will be deprived of seeing their grandparents. He sounds as if he is being selfish, but it also sounds like you are running round him to keep him happy.
And if he doesn't, he won't see you, and the kids will be deprived of seeing their grandparents. He sounds as if he is being selfish, but it also sounds like you are running round him to keep him happy.
I know people are a bit precious about xmas morning, but we're talking about 11.30 here, nearly afternoon. As they have kids I'd imagine all present opening would be over by about 8am! Plus, the kids are all in their early teens, its not like they're toddlers.
Would you even say that sister, mum and dad are 'extended' family?
Honestly, sometimes I wish I'd been an only child, it would have saved my parents an awful lot of stress :o/
Would you even say that sister, mum and dad are 'extended' family?
Honestly, sometimes I wish I'd been an only child, it would have saved my parents an awful lot of stress :o/
well in honesty on xmas morning I dont rush to get dressed and the house ready for visitors, its very relaxed, its the one day where you can relax without having visitors banging on the door.
I think you should cut him some slack in that respect, 11:30 may seem early to some people and late to others
when people have kids then yes, sister,mum and dad do become more extended family as his wife and children become more immediate family, its the circle of life, my sister has a husband and 2 children, she is spending xmas day with them as they are her immediate family now, as I am with mine.
can you not arrange to visit at a different time, Im sure he would like to see you without the stress of getting the house sorted and getting dressed up?
I think you should cut him some slack in that respect, 11:30 may seem early to some people and late to others
when people have kids then yes, sister,mum and dad do become more extended family as his wife and children become more immediate family, its the circle of life, my sister has a husband and 2 children, she is spending xmas day with them as they are her immediate family now, as I am with mine.
can you not arrange to visit at a different time, Im sure he would like to see you without the stress of getting the house sorted and getting dressed up?
i can see this from both points of view
i love christmas where all the immediate family and extended family are popping in and out all day dropping presents off having a festive drink together as a family
However this year is the first christmas my 19 month old son will really know whats going on so i want to spend it with just him and my wife and then go to the mother in laws in the afternoon, but she wants to spend the whole day with us along with the brother and sister in law. so my wife is in the tricky situation of trying to keep me happy or her parents and sister
i would just call in unannounced, if he leaves you standing on the doorstep then atleast you know how he feels and they dont get their presents
i love christmas where all the immediate family and extended family are popping in and out all day dropping presents off having a festive drink together as a family
However this year is the first christmas my 19 month old son will really know whats going on so i want to spend it with just him and my wife and then go to the mother in laws in the afternoon, but she wants to spend the whole day with us along with the brother and sister in law. so my wife is in the tricky situation of trying to keep me happy or her parents and sister
i would just call in unannounced, if he leaves you standing on the doorstep then atleast you know how he feels and they dont get their presents
i totally sympathise with you indie - my brother for years now has not had his christmas dinner at my parents which is fine - he choses to have it with his inlaws but me my sister and her family and our parents always have our christmas dinner together. My brother is always invited so as not left out. He and his daughters normally pop in on my parents on christmas morning, I try to be there in time for that too and we have a bacon buttie or something. This year my dad was mentioning it and he said he had a lot of running around to do and did not know if he would see them. He has two grown up teenage daughters and lives about a 4 minute drive from my parents house. In one sense I want to contact him and say stuff it if you dont want to come then dont on the other I know how sad this makes my mum but dont want to be rocking the boat. It does sound like you could maybe say to your brother we want a lazy christmas night that could we come for a short visit on Christmas Eve but then is he going to make things awkward. My sisters inlaws all have problems around this time of year, fitting in all their extended family but set a date for proper get together for 27th December or something. Hope this helps - Merry Christmas to you all!
Families are delicate matters, well why don't your parents take more of a back seat and look after themselves. If you say something he will probly take it out on your mother.
Your parents will probly still do the favours just you will be in the dog house. If they want to go in the evening go, but don't stay long, make a quick early exit. I would go to keep the peace, someone put on some chest pains and make your escape that way. Or take some games down and entertain yourselves. You state he pays attention to his own little family. Do you all not fuss his children up, play with them, entertain them. Maybe he's noticed something that you wheren't aware of. Tell your parents to look after themselves more.
Your parents will probly still do the favours just you will be in the dog house. If they want to go in the evening go, but don't stay long, make a quick early exit. I would go to keep the peace, someone put on some chest pains and make your escape that way. Or take some games down and entertain yourselves. You state he pays attention to his own little family. Do you all not fuss his children up, play with them, entertain them. Maybe he's noticed something that you wheren't aware of. Tell your parents to look after themselves more.
when you get married and have kids your mum and dad will have more to fullfil them in there older age.
Take it from someone who seen it for years and years. These type of kids never change and always stay selfish right to the end. He obviously does not see you lot as immediate family and hes more closer to his wifes family. Its the in thing! Like you will be closer to your family than your spouses, daughters usually are. He should of treated all sets of grandparents equally. Personaly me I would not even go if there was a set time I was to come and go. No way. What shocks me is that your parents help him out diy and lifts, cheek or what.
Take it from someone who seen it for years and years. These type of kids never change and always stay selfish right to the end. He obviously does not see you lot as immediate family and hes more closer to his wifes family. Its the in thing! Like you will be closer to your family than your spouses, daughters usually are. He should of treated all sets of grandparents equally. Personaly me I would not even go if there was a set time I was to come and go. No way. What shocks me is that your parents help him out diy and lifts, cheek or what.
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