ChatterBank22 mins ago
Why do people cheat on their partners?
59 Answers
Why not just leave them?
How can you have such little respect your wife/husband - a person you once claimed to be in love with, that you would go out and do something so immoral, without even a second thought as to how it might make them feel?
(I would especially like to hear from anybody that is or has cheated on this one).
Thanks
How can you have such little respect your wife/husband - a person you once claimed to be in love with, that you would go out and do something so immoral, without even a second thought as to how it might make them feel?
(I would especially like to hear from anybody that is or has cheated on this one).
Thanks
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I don't believe that cheating is ever right and I can't justify it. I felt terrible while I was doing it and we both knew it was wrong. It was for only a couple of months as I'm now seperated. In my case which is all I can speak for it certainly wasn't setting out looking for excitement or sex. Ias just a chance encounter that really made me look at my life and my marriage and how me and my husband lived-friends at the very most but affectionless and emotionless. Were we prepared to live like that for the rest of our lives? Often an affair is the catalyst of what has become a marriage of habit and safety. Feeling things I hadn't felt in many many years-my husband either-made me realize that maybe I COULD feel like that again and I wasn't completely unattractive-that my life could be changed and also my husband could maybe find someone that he deserved too. Still not excusing an affair but in some circumstances I can understand them now.I just could not walk away and back into my life for another forty years. Knowing that we ended our marriage and I know I couldn't have carried on with an affair endlessly-the guilt would have eaten me up.
Very interesting and thought provoking thread. My view is that anyone who cheats on their partner is not happy in their relationship. It may be a simple view but I believe it holds true.
For those who may say that you "can't help who you fall in love with", I think that they could not have truly loved their partner if they can "fall" for someone else whilst already in a relationship.
However, human beings are complicated, especially when it comes to emotions and sex, and so it is not always straightforward is it? Sad really.
For those who may say that you "can't help who you fall in love with", I think that they could not have truly loved their partner if they can "fall" for someone else whilst already in a relationship.
However, human beings are complicated, especially when it comes to emotions and sex, and so it is not always straightforward is it? Sad really.
Mydogsandme has put it very well.
In my own situation, I KNEW my marriage was over,and had been for a while. I never went out looking for a relationship outside my marriage...and I am certain that the man in my case didn't either. It WAS a catalyst for change,and it also showed me-briefly-that I could be loved,that a relationship could be more than what I had been living for so long. We both left our partners, as part of the commitment we felt.I do not excuse myself...or anyone else in the same situation. But NOT everyone goes out LOOKING for an affair,not everyone is blind to the hurt that is caused. Every situation is different. In my case-it did not last...as affairs often do not. But I don't regret the lessons learned.....it helped me to move on,and find new life.
In my own situation, I KNEW my marriage was over,and had been for a while. I never went out looking for a relationship outside my marriage...and I am certain that the man in my case didn't either. It WAS a catalyst for change,and it also showed me-briefly-that I could be loved,that a relationship could be more than what I had been living for so long. We both left our partners, as part of the commitment we felt.I do not excuse myself...or anyone else in the same situation. But NOT everyone goes out LOOKING for an affair,not everyone is blind to the hurt that is caused. Every situation is different. In my case-it did not last...as affairs often do not. But I don't regret the lessons learned.....it helped me to move on,and find new life.
Wow! Thanks everybody!
Well all I can say is the views that I came into this with have been changed (and I'm a hard-head, it's very difficult to change my opinion on anything!) but after reading this... especially those who are speaking from experience it has really made me think twice about what drives people to cheat and also as someone said 'you aren't always looking to cheat, sometimes you just find that you are before you even know what is happening'.
Of course I will say one thing - and I think Ice Maiden said it best, "when all of this is happening, are you thinking about your spouses at home?".
Because that is my main point and was the most valid point of the question.
So if I could ask this question again or if this thread can keep on going then I'd love to know because (as somebody else said), womens intuition, you may think you're being discreet... but you could be wrong.
I know people who have contracted H.I.V and various other STDs from slip ups, my father was a serial cheated and my Mum said she could smell it on him, even though they were no longer being intimate.
But whatever your reasons for cheating and however you want to justify it... it's your partners that are the ones who are going to suffer.
Well all I can say is the views that I came into this with have been changed (and I'm a hard-head, it's very difficult to change my opinion on anything!) but after reading this... especially those who are speaking from experience it has really made me think twice about what drives people to cheat and also as someone said 'you aren't always looking to cheat, sometimes you just find that you are before you even know what is happening'.
Of course I will say one thing - and I think Ice Maiden said it best, "when all of this is happening, are you thinking about your spouses at home?".
Because that is my main point and was the most valid point of the question.
So if I could ask this question again or if this thread can keep on going then I'd love to know because (as somebody else said), womens intuition, you may think you're being discreet... but you could be wrong.
I know people who have contracted H.I.V and various other STDs from slip ups, my father was a serial cheated and my Mum said she could smell it on him, even though they were no longer being intimate.
But whatever your reasons for cheating and however you want to justify it... it's your partners that are the ones who are going to suffer.
Time to add another bit ...
Were we thinking about our spouses at home ? Yes and no.
At the point where things went past friendship, the point where we both knew that one day we were likely to get round to sex, one rule was agreed. What happened between us was between us, and if there was any chance that it would affect our marriages we would end it.
At that time we both needed a close, intimate (not in the sexual sense) relationship which we were not getting at home, but through it all our spouses were, and still are, at the core of our lives. Of course there were times when we were not thinking of our spouses, but that doesn't mean we forgot them entirely !
Did you ever see an old film called "Same Time Next Year" ? It covers a period of 20+ years, where two people, both married, meet for a week once a year. They are often out of step, have their ups and downs, but in the end give each other a level of love and support that they don't get elsewhere. That's how it was in my case - except that we met a bit more often than once a year.
Were we thinking about our spouses at home ? Yes and no.
At the point where things went past friendship, the point where we both knew that one day we were likely to get round to sex, one rule was agreed. What happened between us was between us, and if there was any chance that it would affect our marriages we would end it.
At that time we both needed a close, intimate (not in the sexual sense) relationship which we were not getting at home, but through it all our spouses were, and still are, at the core of our lives. Of course there were times when we were not thinking of our spouses, but that doesn't mean we forgot them entirely !
Did you ever see an old film called "Same Time Next Year" ? It covers a period of 20+ years, where two people, both married, meet for a week once a year. They are often out of step, have their ups and downs, but in the end give each other a level of love and support that they don't get elsewhere. That's how it was in my case - except that we met a bit more often than once a year.
You're right notafish it can't
But occasionally the marriage isn't the most important thing.
Suppose you were in a relationship you weren't happy with and you were about to do the 'good' thing and end it.
You then found you partner was terminally ill.
People love their moral absolutes and their sweeping generalisations of what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' - I guess it makes them feel secure and happy about themselves.
But the truth is that there are many shades of grey out there.
I guess this whole thread boils down to a much more simple question.
Is there ever a good lie?
But occasionally the marriage isn't the most important thing.
Suppose you were in a relationship you weren't happy with and you were about to do the 'good' thing and end it.
You then found you partner was terminally ill.
People love their moral absolutes and their sweeping generalisations of what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' - I guess it makes them feel secure and happy about themselves.
But the truth is that there are many shades of grey out there.
I guess this whole thread boils down to a much more simple question.
Is there ever a good lie?
Just because you're a good person and you did something "bad", doesn't make the "bad" thing "good".
You're then a good person who has done something bad.
Someone can do something against their principles and then make up reasons why it was ok to do it.
But it doesn't just become ok suddenly, just because THEY themselves did it. They should just think I've done a "bad" thing but that doesn't make me a "bad" person.
You're then a good person who has done something bad.
Someone can do something against their principles and then make up reasons why it was ok to do it.
But it doesn't just become ok suddenly, just because THEY themselves did it. They should just think I've done a "bad" thing but that doesn't make me a "bad" person.
What I think is strange is people keep talking about morality and "what if their are children involved?", "what if he/she has a terminal illness" and "what if I am sticking around for this reason and that reason and that reason because it would make things more difficult".
Okay here's another what if... "what if there is absolutely no good reason for you to stay?"
....people still do don't they.
Does guilt ever come into the fold as well.
A few people have said they were thinking about their partners, I suppose 'desire' trumps ' guilt'.
Is that what you're all saying? Because personally, guilt trumps everything - which is why I could never and have never cheated.
Anybody else feel this way?
Okay here's another what if... "what if there is absolutely no good reason for you to stay?"
....people still do don't they.
Does guilt ever come into the fold as well.
A few people have said they were thinking about their partners, I suppose 'desire' trumps ' guilt'.
Is that what you're all saying? Because personally, guilt trumps everything - which is why I could never and have never cheated.
Anybody else feel this way?
Hi rosesformoi & everyone!
Just saw this post & actually recently my best mates fiance has just confessed that he has cheated on her 6 months before the marriage!!!!!
He's claiming that he did it because he doesn't get sex when he requests it & states that he has needs so he went else where!!!!
What is shocking is that he doesn't see it as cheating!!!!!!!
This is so tricky to deal with at the mo!!!!
Just saw this post & actually recently my best mates fiance has just confessed that he has cheated on her 6 months before the marriage!!!!!
He's claiming that he did it because he doesn't get sex when he requests it & states that he has needs so he went else where!!!!
What is shocking is that he doesn't see it as cheating!!!!!!!
This is so tricky to deal with at the mo!!!!
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