Sending toddler to playschool

[Adi's mom]

I am a mother of a very energetic 22month old toddler. Since Adi is always on the go and needs to be involved in something all the time, to channelise his energies, we decided to put him in a playschool. Ofcourse we did not realise that he may experince lot of separation anxiety.The school athourity was kind enough to let me be in the class for 3months. Now they want me to be a little away..i do not want adi to cry. there are certain activities in the school that interest him, during which he may not try to look out for me, otherwise he gets disturbed. What do i do? Shd. I continue to stay a little away, and when he cries, go to him(meanwhile i wait in the reception area and can watch him on close circuit TV) or insist on being around?

[justineo]

Hi Adi's mom

My daughter felt the same as Adi and she cried everytime I left the room.  She wasn't normally a clingy child but she really wanted me to be there.  The playgroup leader wasn't particularly sympathetic and often advised me that I would have real problems when she got to nursery and school.  The only time I left her for any period of time, and hid in the reception area, she cried so much she was sick.  I spoke to the playgroup leader and said we would either leave or I would need to be around.  Fortunately she agreed and I loved helping out there.  My daughter didn't play with me but could look up and see where I was.  When she started nursery she was fine and has been at infants and juniors. If you can stay around near him then do so until he feels secure enough to stay without you.  Some children just need a bit more reassurance than others.  Don't worry and hope he's OK

[spudqueen]

Most children cry when left for the first few times at play school, but believe you me, they soon stop crying and get on with playing. Hanging around listening to the crying will only make YOU feel worse, and won't help your child.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, they have to get used to the separation when they go to school, and trust me, it's a lot easier to get it over with now!

Don't mean to sound cruel and hard, (I'm not really, I'm a Mum of two who has worked at pre-school and reception class).

PS it really is better if you say goodbye to the child and say you will be back in a short while, that way they know that you are going to leave them THIS time. You can get yourself into all kinds of trouble by just 'disappearing' as then anytime you walk out of ANY room they thing you might not come back. The first time you do it just go for a short while, 1/2 an hour or so, then gradually increase the length of time you are away until you can be away the whole session time.

[sunflower68]

Adi's mom I can totally empathise with you here.  My little boy was very clingy at preschool for a while.  Looking back I'm glad I did what I did; at the time it was torture for me to walk away; I used to want to cry on the walk home. However it did him the world of good in terms of confidence-building, as he'd never really been apart from me before.

I remember I used to tell him in a very 'breezy' and purposefully flippant way that I'm just off to get some milk, won't be long..paint me a picture for when I get back...what do you want for lunch when we get home?...

I did have to be a little pushy with the preschool as I felt they had seen this so often in so many kids that they were a little immune to the individual.  Sometimes they do need a little reminder...."please can you take Adi off to play with the trucks after I leave as it is much easier for him if he's busy".

Remember to not let him see your concern; you MUST let him discover he has  confidence.  Honestly it is the kindest thing you can do in this situation.  Good luck, he'll be fine.

[catra1]

i agree with many of the previous posts. I think staying away is a good option and will help boost confidence and independence. I wouldn't be tempted to go to him every time he cries otherwise you are reinforcing the attention seeking behaviour and you will find it a more difficult cycle to break as he gets older. I work in this field and you can imagine that a 6 year old with these problems can be seen as "different" or over-sensitive by his/her peers which will in turn affect the child's self image. Whilst it may be difficult in the longer term it is better he gets used to separation now as opposed to when he is older when his behaviour may be even more upsetting for both of you.

Catra

[Adi's mom]

i do agree with all of you. I do have another question, that if i leave him in the school and disappear, shd i expect the teacher to to be a second mom if he cries, or is it ok if he cries standint in one corner the whole day? ANother issue is, that we plan to move out of the city in another 6 months, in such a senario is it right to put so much pressure on such a small child.

[spudqueen]

Hi again,

Do have a word with the plagroup leader. When my youngest when to playgroup he used to sit by the door with his coat at the ready (though he would have his milk and biscuit!) and didn't want to be comforted by the playgroup staff. Though it only went only for about 4 sessions then he was fine and joined in and thoroughly enjoyed himself and looked forward to going.

When I worked in a playgroup (after my children went to school) we ALWAYS gave the children special attention if they were upset and got them involved in something ( a game, a book, painting a picture, or even 'helping' us to set the paints out or something. Honestly, children soon learn that they can enjoy themselves AND that their parents WILL come back..

Six months is an awful long time in a small childs life (remember it's a quarter of Adis life, so it's the equivalent of you being 40 and thinking of moving in 10 years time!), so don't even think about the move yet! Concentrate on getting Adi to playschool and you'll find that he'll be quite a bit more grown up by the time you do move.

[Adi's mom]

Hi everyone, i need more advise. I have been waiting for him in the reception area for the last 4 days, and when Adi cries, i am called inside. However, today i walked into the school, since i had a little uncomfortable feeling, to discover that Adi was howling away, standing next to the teacher and she was not doing anything about it.

Is this right. I know that if he is kept occupied in interesting activities, he is happy..but is it not cruel to do this to a child..he is only 22 month and i sent him there to play and not deal with acute separation anxiety