The Tesco Carrier Bag Incident (happened to a friend of mine).

[Bbbananas]

This is a most distasteful story, far worse than the suspected-Herpes incident, but I am being FORCED, I repeat forced, to spill.... (With apologies to Lil.)

She had a very nasty gastroenteritis-type bug. A very sudden one. She was visiting her mother, lifted her backside to alleviate some wind (as she does - very classy bird is Lil), when whoops - follow-through does not even begin to cover what happened all over her mother's velour sofa. Poor mum had to hose her down in the bath & lend her some clean clothes. Lil was sent home before any more upholstery damage could occur. She was duly sent home with soiled clothes in one tesco carrier bag, and another one to sit on in case of further solidified wind.
She arrived home, to find her builder waiting for her at her front door.... wanting to discuss some wall problems (remember the story about "come up to my bedroom & have a look at my crack...?)

She eventually got rid of the builder, by waving to him from the car and saying "Can't stop Pete... I'm just...errr... having to nip right back because I left something at my mother's". She had to hide round the corner in the car until he had drove off.

What made me laugh more than anything though was her mum's comment as she was cleaning up after her daughter: "I've been cleaning up your sh1t since you were a baby - I didn't still expect to be doing it at this age......"

Priceless.

[Bbbananas]

I'm still reeling from mcfluff's 'Manpaste' comment.................pmsl

[Sqad]

Barmaid....white leather!...You have a man of good taste...........it would be cold to your bottom if you didn't wear knickers, so I think that he and you should give extra consideration to your underwear.

If I could be of the slightest help..............!!

[rinkins]

share it fluffy LOL

[mccfluff]

don;t know what the sofa was made out of but he had to tell his mum he spilt tippex

[ChuckFickens]

And I bet his mum knew exactly what it actually was!

[Barmaid]

lmao at Fluffs! Tippex. lol

Sqad, he may have exquisite taste, but he is the least practical man I know. He is considering putting marble on the living room floor. I want a comfy cosy boudoir type effect. Not hard floors and clinical white sofas!!!

[Bbbananas]

Oh but marble floors barmaid.... very nice.
The contrast between a warm squidgy bottom and the coolness of the marble... I'm getting right turned on... :-)

[mccfluff]

kinda hurts if you bang your head though salla, you need furry rug (shut it) and pillows or am i getting old

[Bbbananas]

Just a cushion for one's head would suffice.... I like something cold on my bottom. I've always had a 'thing' about ice cubes too - ever since Mickey Rourke in 9 & a half Weeks......

[Barmaid]

pmsl "furry rug". I want a deep pile carpet not cold marble on my bottom. And its a bit hard on the knees (when I have to clean it of course).

[Bbbananas]

In all this getting carried away with marble floors and rugs business - we missed a cracker of a story there from Zac. Poor lickly boy - that sort of incident scars one for life. I bet Zac you can never look at a wendy house again without the full horror of that day coming back to you?

Solid wind eh? The bain of many a man's life....

[mccfluff]

unfortunatly therapist is meeeeeee