getting someone out of your head

[med]

i have a boyfriend but im obsessed with someone else. i know that they're attracted to me too, but we've agreed not to act on it. the problem is now i cant stop thinking about them, and its jeopardising my relationship with my boyfriend. does anyone know how i can get them out of my head?

[kazzee69]

I must admit I went through this a few years back and although I didn't act on it, it becamse very difficult because it was obvious to my boyfriend that something was wrong so what I did was sit down with him (my boyfriend) and tell him everything. I told him how I felt and we had a long chat and it made it feel so much easier knowing that I had shared it with him.

[dmsjps]

I would think twice about whether your current boyfriend is the one for you. kazzee has a point though, and it obviously worked for her. We all see other people we're attracted to (and it's even worse for you because you know each other as well), but at the end of the day, most people make a decision one way or the other. Some don't, and that's where all the heartache starts. I hope you make the right choice, whichever one you go for.

[dmsjps]

And is this 'acting on it' just physical or is there something more? If not, do you want to risk losing your boyfriend for a quick ... erm, 'roll in the hay', shall we say?

[kazzee69]

At the time when it happened to me, my boyfriend had just got a new job and I wasn't seeing him as much. I think that because this other guy paid me a bit of attention I started taking a likening to him. But me and my boyfriend worked through it and this was about 2 and 1/2 years ago now. In total I've been with my boyfriend 4 and 1/2 years and we recently moved in together. Maybe there is reasons within your relationship that are making you look else where?

[jean88]

Is the love and lust thing again! Think..!!!!

[Cockney_si]

This is definately a case of the thrill of the chase and the grass is greener on the other side.

As a bloke I've had girls do this to me oh too many times, they seem to abandon the loving,caring strong relationship for one that's just a huge gamble with someone that treats them real bad in the end and they end up regretting it.

Best way to get someone out of your head is to avoid them.

[JoCannon]

You always think the grass is greener until you jump over the fence and smack your face on the concrete.... Think about what you would be losing and cherish what you have got, or if you keep thinking about it simply open the gate to check there is grass on the other side before jumping...

[butter1]

Can I just say, this happened to me about 5 years ago.  I was in a happy loving relationship and then someone showed me a bit of attention and I fell for it.  I left my boyfriend to be with this man.  Turns out the grass wasn't greener, he was a nasty piece of work and I was miserable.  I'm from Kent and I moved to the North to be with him.  2years later, I was back down Kent again.  I will never do that sort of thing again....thankfully now, I'm very happy and I'm with someone I completely cherish.  Just think carefully before you do anything.

[landie]

It's no good wondering for years about 'should I' or 'I wish I had' etc. You've got to bite the bullet and test the water.

[Andy008]

Just do it and don't worry about the consequences.

At this point I could say something using the words bus, hit, by, and tomorrow, but given recent news events that would be rather tasteless.

[med]

thanks for all your replies. i actually had feelings for this other person long before i started going out with my boyfrend, but i just never thought they would feel the same. its onli recently i've found out they do, and now i feel like im stuck. i just cant help being reminded that my feelings for my boyfriend are not as strong as my feelings for them, but i cant be with them, so im sticking with my boyfriend. do you think thats wrong?

[med]

and i wish i could avoid them but unfortunately i have to see them every day.

[landie]

I do think that you are wrong. You will never forgive yourself if you do not make your feelings known. This is not a practice session, you live once only.