Self Harming

[Emoire]

I know this is a difficult subject for most people, and believe me it's take me months to write this question...but I started self-harming when i was around 15 years old. I am now 33 and still do this, does anyone have any helpful advice on how to stop or what has worked for them? I have seen counsellors, had CBT and am currently on 40mg fluoxetine (since Aug) but still have the urge...any help greatly appreciated, thanks.

[suzie1]

i self harmed since i was 15, first time i cut so deep, you could see my flesh......i stopped self harming 3 years ago, but had a relapse a year and a half ago when i had an argument with my partner and i got so angry and upset i went down to the kitchen and cut myself again...i havent done it since then and dont intend to, i always think of my children and how it would impact on them if they saw me doing that.....i had no councelling or medication..if you get the urge just scream so loud and get a punch bag and punch away so hard until your hands hurt..thats what i did everytime i had an urge...i still do it punch the punchbag with sand in it, it hurts and makes me feel better..its better than cutting...this is my way of dealing with it...hope it helps

[lil123]

I think you have to get to the root of why you are doing it.
I have had a eating disorder for years and I know that being realistic all I can do is manage it. It is particulary bad at this time of year with all the food around but I know the triggers now and feelings that can make me want to do it.
The key is to accept that you do what you do and maybe look at ways you can minimise the harm.
Is it cutting that you do? As I would class what i do with food as self harm too.
Mine started as a way to cope when I was in a violent and very unhappy marriage but I have carried on to do it but not as bad as years ago and once when my weight dropped really low.
I think it is very hard just to stop doing something that is a coping mechanism without putting other things in place.

[tamborine]

suzie's advice is excellent when things get beyond your control.

SH wont solve your problem so another way has to be sought. First recognise the problem (share with us - if it helps) and get help to sort it.

[Emoire]

Thank you so much for posting, it is not something i feel comfortable talking about in my every day life. I have actually thought about getting a punchbag in the past, so may see if i can get one now after your helpful advice Suzie. Lil123 it is so true that i need to get to the root of it all. Cutting isn't all i do - i burn, bruise myself deliberately by hitting with blunt objects and probably drink too much. It just helps me cope with life. I do have children (2 boys under 5 years old) and would love to sort it out for their sakes. I never let them witness it, and make out the injuries are accidents but i wish i could stop before they become too aware. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me, I really appreciate it.

[tamborine]

Emoire...for the sake of your boys you must toughen up. Their very life depends on your protection just now.

You need to be like a lioness with her cubs.

Demand the help you need from Social S, police and everyone else out there ready to help you and particularly your boys.....they can only help if you ask them to.

[Hometownglory]

I also started self harming when I was 15 and thankfully seem to have stopped, I had CBT but I don't think it actually made much difference.
For me it is distractions that work. I still get the urge to self harm very often but I have developed healthy coping stragies to stop me.
Similar to what Suzie said about getting a punch bad (which was brill advice!) think about what makes you feel good. Sit down and make a list of all the things that make you feel good. Take out self harming ones, cutting, burning, bruising in your case or anything similar like over eating or drinking too much alcohol.
What you're left with are your distractions. My main ones are exercise, music and writing.
So whenever I get the urge to SH I go for a jog, listne to some music or do some writing. Writing can be good especially because it could even be just writing down thoughts and feeling which sometimes makes you realise thoughts you didn't know you had until you write them down.
To put it briefly, think about what makes you feel good and is safe, and when you want to self harm do those things instead.
I'm not surprised it's taken you months to write this question because you're right, it is a very tough thing to talk about but the fact that you managed to write the question and have acknowledged that it's a problem is half the battle. Tamborine is right, it's usually something you can't fully tackle on your own. Even if you've tried counselling and CBT before it might be a good idea to give it another go or ask your GP about what other things are available to you.

[Charisse2]

Emoire, this may sound harsh, however all the advice in the world will not help you unless YOU want to stop self harming. You are desperately seeking a release for your pain and anger. The relief that you feel by cutting yourself will not be sustained. Please go back to your doctor and ask to be referred for a psychiatric evaluation. Do not be afraid. It may save your life.

[Mr Veritas]

This:~
http://behindthescars.tripod.com/id3.html
os a page from a Self Harm Help Website,set up by a friend of ours to expalin how she copes with Self Harm.
I hope it helps you?

[Emoire]

Thank you again for being so kind and giving such helpful answers. I will take it all on board, I will have a read of the website Mr Veritas and I'm due to see my doctor in January so will discuss with her further options. Hope you all have a lovely Christmas and I do really appreciate you all taking the time out to post your answers for me.

[suzie1]

Emoire, have a lovely xmas and please dont let this take over your life, sort it out before its to late, im much happier now that i can ocpe better with it, ur not any different from anyone else out there, u just have issues that you need to talk about and these issues are ones that you may not be that aware of. Im always here to talk to you on answerbank if you would like to dicuss this further, as i have been through the worst of self harm i understand how it feels, coz i had no one to talk to, because no one would understand it. god bless and enjoy the xmas food!!!! xxx suzanne