Having my pooch put to sleep

[lil75]

My dog started limping so I took him to the vets after discovering a lump on his groin, they told me after x raying him they found disovered he had an infection and thought the lump could have been an abcess, they put a drain in his leg and I had to bring him home....he cried for 24 hours non stop, no amount of attention or fuss would stop him, a few days later he had the tubes removed from his leg and they did a biopsy on the lump, he was fine after that and didnt cry at all, however as the next week progressed I noticed the lump was getting bigger and bigger, I took him back to the vets and they said it was just swelling....1 day later his leg had tripled in size and he wouldnt get up, so I picked him up and had a look at him...it was shocking just how much this lump had grown overnight, so I went straight bak to the vets, by this point his skin was starting to split open and bleed. They phoned the lab to see if his reults of the biopsy were back and they found it was an agressive tumour and said that his quality of life at the moment wasnt good, i agreed. There was no other option but to put him to sleep, I was actually quite distraught about this as it happened so quickly, I felt awful signing the papers for them to do it, he was looking at me and wagging his tail :o( and when they put him on the table to do it, he was sitting there all innocent just looking around, at that point I decided that I couldnt watch the dog I love be put to sleep, I kissed him on the head and told him I loved him and stepped out of the room whilst they did it, I saw him after, kissed him again and told him how much I loved him....I walked out and howled with tears when I got home.....I feel so guilty, and I miss him so much, I feel bad that I signed his life away....I posted on here as my partner doesnt understand and I suppose I just want to talk to anyone who has been through the same.

[lil75]

Once again, your kindness is very comforting and all of the replies have helped me come to terms with the guilt, I have read them quite a lot.....Me and the children wanted to make a flower bed in memory of him which we did today, we planted a tree and rose bushes, so we can remember him...not that we'll ever forget, but my jasper loved his garden and I thought this would be a nice thing to do xxx

[ruthann58]

thats lovely lil our old dog is buried in the middle of the lawn as when she was alive she always layed in the way so i was always stepping over her ,so now we still step over her lots of times every day

[andy-hughes]

As soon as we start to care for anyone, or anything, there is pain waiting at the end.

That never stops us from investing our time and our love in our pets, and nor should it.

Of course you hurt, you would not be human if you didn't.

Intellectually,you know you did the right thing for your beloved pet. His suffering was only going to get worse, and keeping him suffering because you couldn't love him enough make it stop was never an option.

So you let him go, and it was, is, and will always be the right thing to do. You know that, it's why you did it. You cannot love a pet any more than to part with them when it is best for them, ho wver much it hurst you.

Emotionally, none of that matters at all. You are in terrible pain, and no amount of reasoning and knowing is going to stop that. You have to grieve for him, and let the pain come, so that it will go.

Eventually, when this agony lessens, you will still be left with the fact that you did the right thing for him. That will be the rock, revleaed when the tide of pain has gone out, and only laps at your thoughts occasionally in the future.

To replace that pain will be the good times you shared with him, and the courage you used to let him go gently and peacefully - they will remian, and that is what you just look forward to now.

Keep your memories of him as bright as they are now, and the sadness that infects them will heal and drop away, leaving them pure and clear for ever.

You will never get over him, or forget him, that is what loving a pet is all about, and you should invest your thoughts in the good times when the time is right, but allow yourself to grieve for him, that is right too.

The pain will pass - as pain does - the memories will not.

[tara20]

It's nearly three years since we had to let Tara go. At the time many of the AB family posted in support, that meant a lot. I knew at the time it was the right thing to do, but I still felt a lot better to have others agree ( there is always that nagging doubt, I know). So many people out there who don't know me, but still had words of comfort. I waited a year and now have Sandy, but I'll never forget, when I needed to talk, I was heard.
tara

[lil75]

Very true Tara, to be honest, the lovely ab'ers have helped me big time, im so glad that I posted as I was feeling pretty alone with my thoughts at the time...such lovely people......Andy, you explain things so well, your a true gent, hope you are well? Once again, thankyou to everybody for making a difficult time, so much easier to bare xxxx

[andy-hughes]

Very well, thank you lil, and thinking of you at this difficult time.

A x

[merciasounds]

PLEASE don't feel guilty, I'm sure your dog knew it was 'the end' and was happy to go and be free from pain. I had to have one of my dogs put down a couple of years ago and it felt like a proper family bereavement to me, and like you I felt so guilty as I was the one who took her to the vets. But now I know I did the right thing, she isn't suffering now - I couldn't bear to see her in so much pain. I hope you gain some comfort from what everybody here has written, we understand and you can always come back and chat about things when you need a 'lift' - Hugs XX

[maggie01]

I had to have my shih-tzu put to sleep in Feb this year.
She was poorly over christmas. She had an enlarged heart and her body filled with fluid.
She was put on tablets to try to get rid of the fluid and eventually was hospitalised overnight to see if they could get rid of it.
The vet phoned me the next day and said that it hadn't been successful and we agreed that she would be put to sleep.
I asked the vet to wait till I got there. I took a friend with me. When the vet bought her in and put her on the table, she licked my face and I cradled her in my arms with her favourite toy while he did the deed.
I brought her home with me and buried her in the garden.
Don't feel guilty Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.
I don't know how I buried my girl as I don't even think I could see the ground I was digging.
Even now as I write this reply the tears are not far away.
Just think of the good life you gave him and be gratefull he had you to look after him.
They just don't live long enough. My dog was 10yr 10months. Bless her x

[24jasmine]

You have all my sympathy as I too have been through the awful experience you describe. My dog was nearly 15 years old and he just collapsed one day and wouldn't eat or drink. I took him to the vet and they kept him there for 2 days trying to persuade him to eat. When I called there to pick him up they said that he had reached the end of the road and it would be kinder to put himto sleep. I was devastated but realised that they were right. Unlike you, I couldn't leave him to pass away on his own although I don't think he even knew that I was there. Nevertheless, I held him close as he passed away and although that was 15 years ago now I still remember the awful gut-wrenching sadness that I felt that day. I said at the time that I would never get another dog but, eventually I did and that lovely dog Cassie is still with me today nearly 15 years on. The sadness never goes ,but it just becomes a bit more bearable. I know exactly how you feel and I hope your sadness soon lessens. 24 Jasmine.

[garner]

He will always leave paw prints on your heart.