Absent father doesnt want contact

[jackyc]

Hi, The basics: i have a daughter who is 5 and a half years old, myself and her fathers relationship ended once he found out i was pregnant, although he did say he would want to be part of our childs life once the baby had been born, so far apart from one ten minute visit, when she was about 5 months old he hasnt shown any interest in her, He hasnt contributed to her upbringing or to her life in any other way.

The question i need help with is that now she is getting older,she is asking more and more about her dad, and wants to know when she can meet him. I found out he is engaged and asked his new fiance to mention this to him, but she eventually came back saying she tried to talk to him, and can i give her some more time to try and sort it out.

It is really obvious that he isnt interested, but i am at a loss as to the best way to deal with my daughters questions, i believe honesty is the best policy,but cant bear to see my daughter so upset. I realise it wouldnt be because she really loves him as she doesnt know him, but could be curiosity or just the thought of missing out.

Just to mention that my daughter comes from a very loving extended family, lots of aunts, uncles, cousins and my parents idolise her, so she doesnt miss out on anything financial, love from the family who see her with almost daily or support and has lots of attetion.

Any help would be greatly appreciated

Jacky

[AlBags]

I take it you have no partner just yet.
A substitute father figure might help a lot. Someone who is there to chat and reciprocate with her.

[sara3]

Jacky, that's very sad. I'd suggest contacting some kind of support group (gingerbread?) or social services and get some real advice on this. I'd agree that honesty is the best policy, but you need to handle it very carefully (as I know you will).

best of luck x

[JackDanielsU]

Whatever you say I guess youre going to have a sad little girl on your hands...shes probably seeing all her friends with their dads and is wondering why she doesnt have that -

Sorry to sound harsh but your ex sounds like an immature little man. He needs to man up big time and start acting responisibly. If he doesnt want to see his little girl (for whatever pathetic reason he comes up with) then he needs to tell you, so you can somehow tell her.

Best of luck

[donna1901]

personally i wouldnt pursue the ur daughters father. There is one word for men like that and he doesnt deserve the pleasure of your daughters company.
Decide what you will be telling your daughter and stick to it. When she is alot olderyou can explain the truth and she where she wants to go from there.
And the first comment or second on this post is so wrong! A father figure as in a bf of yours would work... Yes if he is planning on sticking around, my opinion is that is so wrong. You have done all the hard work fior 5 years dont chase the father hunni ur worth a million of him! Be proud to be a single mom xx

[jackyc]

Thank you for all the replies, i think i will have to tell her some basic truths without elaborating and hope there are no repercussions later on in life for her (or me).... and yes i know it really is his loss, she is such a beautiful girl inside and out, something she doesnt get from him! xx