And Bednobs, just because either of you might not be ready for sex, doesn't mean you can't be close. Sometimes just touching (and I don't mean in the obvious places) is in itself far more intimate. Just lying together in the dark stroking one another's backs, arms, faces etc, can feel much closer than sex. It's good that you want this though, and that you aren't letting what has happened come between you - far better to grieve together than to retreat from each other, it can only help your relationship x