new guy niggles

[Jenarry]

I had a hard break up last year(which i wonder if i've fully come to terms with)
I was single for around a year then i met someone new who i've been seeing for 5 months now.
I really like him- we have good times together and we are talking about long term plans. the problem is there are some things that niggle me already.i don't know if i've become harder and quicker to see faults as i feel i've had huge rose tinted glasses in previous relationships (i'm talking deirdre barlow sized ones!) and i'm keen to not make the same mistakes again.
maybe its due to me having more baggage these days now i'm in my late 30's.
or whether these niggles will become big niggles.
i find myself thinking i would be quite happy to be single again. but i can't decide if i'm thinking this because my new bf isn't really right for me or whether i'm feeling wary of being open to being hurt again.
if anyone has any advice to make this clearer for me i'd really appreciate it.

[woofgang]

I bet this isn't new advice for you but CHILL. 5 months is no time at all. Let the long term plans go and just enjoy the moment. If he is the right one, the problems will drop into perspective and if he isn't you will have had some good times. Do you know what your deal breakers are? Are the niggles any of those? If they are then walk, if they aren't then relax.....

[rowanwitch]

completely agree...so long as your niggles aren't areas you'd consider non negotiable slow down and see what happens....it's too easy to get caught up in long term plans when you so want it to be right this time... might be worth taking a bit of single time too...w/ends with friends etc

[Jenarry]

thankyou..i am usually more chilled in relationships than this time . i generally do go with the flow but if i feel it's right it does get long term very quick which i can feel happening again but part of me is not so sure/keen this time to follow this pattern again. ie moving in together,etc. our long term talk IS about moving in together but mainly because we are an hours drive away from each other.
my niggles are difficult ones. new bf is very particular about how things are kept and verging on ocd about cleanliness whereas i'm a bit of a clutterbug who thinks there are better things to do than keep house spotless. so i wonder how we'll get on living together.
also he does get onto my 4 yr old quite a bit for doing what i think are 4 yr things and he basically tells me i'm too soft with him and let him get away with too much.
this is the worst thing and makes me question my parenting skills and sometimes when he keeps on at my little un i feel like just walking out on the whole thing. :O(

[Eve]

Difficult if there are issues where a child is concerned, differing views on parenting and boundaries could be pretty fundamental to the happiness of all three of you and any potential future plans. Your child is vitally important in this.

As for things like tidiness, could you compromise? You can of course look at compromising on niggles like this generally ie you give more on one issue, he gives more on another...

I have to say I'm almost dreading this in a future relationship as my ex had so many issues, he was a bit ocd on aspects of cleaning and such as well and other things which I still have a complex about now. I've vowed not to let another man make me feel less of a person because of his issues but easier said than done.

At the end of the day, relationships take working at and compromise but not to the extreme at it's too one sided. Is he worth trying to work through the issues?

Have you discussed any of this with him?

As others have said, it's only been 5 months and there is no rush to get serious with each other. To be nearer doesn't have to mean moving in together, you could just move closer.

[888sally888]

5 months is no time at all. I would really let some more time pass before you make any decsions esp as you have a little one. Just relax and take your time.

[B00]

I actually only clicked on this as i thought it was titled "new guy nipples"