Birthday present, or not?

[JonOfLondon]

There's a girl I really like at work.  We've both been with the company for about 18 months, and for the last year or so, we've been moving to that point of being more friendly; I don't mean major bosom buddies, or anything like that, just more than colleagues, if you see what I mean.  I often stop by her desk to chat, etc, and I've taken her to lunch a few times over the last six months or so, but I haven't seen her outside work, or anything like that.

Now, I'm secretly crazy about her, but she's got a boyfriend (of several years), and she seems fairly happy and settled, but I'm not too bothered about at the moment (I can certainly wait, and that's the main reason that things are moving along at such a glacial pace), however the issue I'm wondering about now is, what should I do for her birthday?  It's about a month away and I can't decide if I should do anything at all.  I have the luxury of her not actually being aware that I know when her birthday is, so I could just bury my head in the sand and pretend I didn't know, etc. but that seems like a wimps way out to me.

I've talked it over with a few friends, most of whom have been firmly in the "don't do anything over-the-top" camp, which I can certainly see the logic of, but I was thinking that before; the lady in question certainly strikes me as not being the type who would respond to that � she's a very simple sort of girl, i.e. not 'showy', demanding, or overly egocentric, etc, which is just how I like them ;)

Anyone got any comments?

[Chessman]

If you work with her, and she's attached, be careful, if you let her know your feelings, and she says no, work is going to be embarrasing for both of you, but then again, 'nothing venture, nothing gain'. Sorry there's nothing positive, but good luck whatever you decide.

[tigga]

Personally, i think you are flogging a dead horse mate - if she has been attached for several years you could be wasting valuable time (the old 'plenty more fish in the sea' springs to mind for one !) also she might feel a bit uncomfortable and just being polite to you.

Her boyfriend probably wouldnt be too pleased either - you could end up causing problems for your friend.

even if you get your wish one day and she leaves him for you, then she will only do exactly the same to you later on.

[joko]

I would suggest getting her a birthday cake. It is a nice gesture, not over intimate, and is something other colleagues can share, but will make you be the thoughtful one. You could even include some wine or something - depends on how your office works. Don't spend loads though.

Definitely nothing too personal like jewellery, and no heart shaped balloons etc

[curiosity]

One of my colleagues found out during a training session that it was my birthday, he quickly drew a daft face on his paper and wrote a birthday greetings message on it. It really touched me, and if you done something like that it would seem like you didn't know when her birthday was, but once knowing, cared enough to do something. Nice angle I think. Playing it at this innocent and slow rate, lets her decide if the other bloke is worth it.

[Ouisch]

I would play it safe and get her no more than a friendly birthday card - nothing romantic, preferably something a bit humorous.  Or send her a humorous email birthday greeting.

[KittyGlitter]

I'm just responding to the part where you mention waiting for her. I know someone who is in your position exactly and he too says he is prepared to wait. But please don't shut out other women or fantasize too much about what may or may not happen between you two. Women are very good at being friends with men and this can sometimes be misinterpreted! I think what I'm trying to say, is don't put your love life on hold because she may never leave her boyfriend.