I'll give an example of two cases - My husbands brother died leaving 2 kids age 6 and 3, sister in law naturally devastated, wasn't a strong character to begin with, both kids conceived through IVF after years of trying. She gets what medication she can to get herself through and decides to take what help she can get but that she wants she kids to be a credit to their father and they are now 14 and 11 and not perfect, but lovely kids. My neighbour also widowed when kids were 5 and 2, then totally indulged them and pandered to them as compensation for dad not being there. Warning signs in terms of kids behaviour present from then on, the worse they behave, the more she indulges them, the police are now regular visitors, kids are bullies, other kids don't like them. No matter how many people point out that the behaviour is out of control, there is a refusal to believe it and blame always passed to other kids....and they are still only 12 and 9. So yes, people can have huge curve balls thrown at the in life, but when everyone is telling you that there is a problem, I believe that to continue to not accept that the behaviour needs dealt with is irresponsible and is obviously storing up huge issues. btw, the kids now repeat that "it's not my fault I behave badly, it's cause my dad died" fair enough for a while after the event, but to continue to latch on to that 7 years later, particularly for a child that was 2 at the time is wrong imo. they need to draw a line and move on. It is sad, but it also makes me angry.