How Do You Get Over An Affair?

[kat2206]

My OH and I have been together for nearly 6 years, he proposed on 8th November last year and it was the best day of my life.

Yesterday he came home from work and told me that he's been having an affair since 30th November last years, not 3 weeks after he proposed to me.. my world has fallen apart, I am absolutely devastated, he has finished the affair (now).

What do I do? How can I pick up the pieces... do I pick up the pieces?

Cant stop crying... havent slept....

[NOX]

I think you need to know more about the 'affair' before you make any decisions whatsoever. for me it's not the physical act of sex that would matter, indeed I have a pretty tolerant view of extra marital sex alone as did my ex, but should either of us ever had a deep seated emotional attachment to anyone else, that would have broken my heart. You need to live by your own morals, how do YOU feel about it, once you learn the whole story. Be aware that in these circumstances people rarely tell the whole truth on any side, so take your time, weigh things up and then decide how you will move on either together or seperately, but whatever you do, don't be tempted by a knee jerk desire to hurt and do something self destructive, just think and give yourself time and talk, a LOT.

[anneasquith]

im sorry kat.............imo like any trauma in ones life, time is what you require at the moment. i hope you have friends/family to support you. best wishes. anne

[mumsie_wumsie]

If you can put up with all the questions and 'what iffs' that will surely haunt you if you stay in this relationship, then fight for it. But if you would find that hard to live with, then get out now, find yourself some-one who will respect you and treat you honestly. There are plenty of good men around. Let him go to his 'affair', they probably deserve each other. Good luck, in whatever you decide.

[pa___ul3]

erm sqad.. not all the male ones eh! I've been a bit of a player in the past but never let any one of them think they were my girlfriend and that they were my only one. Yeah I peed a few people off and I'm not proud of that but once I'm in a relationship then that's me, I haven't and never will have an affair. I've seen what it can do and that's enough to put me off.

[joeluke]

It all depends how much you want to be with him.......or could you live with him being with the 'other woman' permanently?

Next comes the spanish inquisition that always follows an affair......when? where? how many times? Was she good? Was she better than me? etc etc