am i being unreasonable?

[peason77]

my bf came around to my house tonight. For the first 30mins all he did was play on his phone. I've since found out he was playing on facebook, accepting his ex's friend request. I'm slightly insecure of her, i've told him so in the past. She is also a mate of mine, and he said he couldn't give a crap about her and wants a future with me. He obviously accepted her friend request whilst he was sat next to me on the sofa but didn't say anything to me. I wouldn't have minded had he have said 'oh i'm friends with Sarah now' i know i can't chose his friends, but the fact he said nothing, knowing how i feel, seems a bit odd to me. I'm not the really jealous type, i don't know whether i have a right to be miffed or not. I wouldn't have minded if he'd mentioned it,but to be sat next to me whilst he accepted her as a friend makes me feel weird. Do i just forget it?

[flump1]

Hi peason, follow your heart , after reading the above posts , obviously !! My only contribution is , don't take the time he accepted the friends request on facebook as gospel. Face book times are not accurate, I know this from experience.According to facebook, the children are "logged on " supposedly doing stuff and I know for a fact they are asleep in bed. I even went to look as I didn't believe Facebook !

[peason77]

well, another turn now is the fact either she (i think it was her) or he has defriended him/her as they are no longer friends (on their friends list) I do think it might be her defriending him out of respect for me (highly unlikely the other way around, as i don't think he would know how to defriend as he's no good with technology!) I'm not clingy, it was just the fact that he knows his ex is a touchy subject so why become friends, more so why become friends with her whilst he was in my company and not say a thing. I wouldn't become friends with my ex whilst i was with him as i know how it would make him feel, and if i did i'd say oh ......... has requested to be my friend, and judge whether to accept my ex's request on his reaction.

[NOX]

Good grief...:(

[ummmm]

Why are exes a problem? They're an ex for a reason, and that doesn't have to be a bad reason.

[EvianBaby]

Haven't read the responses so someone else probably already said this but I bet you would have still minded even if he'd told you.

He was sat right next to you doing it, it was hardly a secret.

[Mosaic]

I'm a touch old fashioned about these things, and so my own outlook sympathises with your take on this, Peason. In the long cold decades before Facebook, I felt uncomfortable at my new husband hoarding photos of his several-relations-back 'serious girlfriend'. We spoke about this and it was clear he saw no reason why these were any of my concern, or why I should be upset by his numerous references to her in conversations.
In other words, he wasn't over her, and it was casting a shadow over our present time together.
Respect to all other posters who managed, but for me love is a totalitarian state that will allow no potentially rival parties to exist.
We have been together for 36 years. The photos 'got lost' during a house move, 33 yrs ago. Ahem.
But this is hard to control with social networking, and I don't know how I could have coped.
I agree with you on an important point, which is why on earth should a man you are living with spend ages on what is effectively a separate social life? Doesn't matter which way you dress it up, it comes down to the same, which is he's chummy with a woman he has slept with.
But I'm old-fashioned and probably wrong.

[ummmm]

I think that just displays some insecurity.

[Mosaic]

Insecurity or different values?
The landscape looks different according to the riverbank you choose.

[NOX]

Much as I love Mosaic I've got to agree with Ummm here and if girlfriend/ partner of mine had destroyed / lost on purpose my photographs I'd have dumped her flat, because that's just not nice, disrespectful and generally controlling and bodes badly to me. THAT's what I'd have had the massive fit about not about her being friendly with her ex's.

[Mosaic]

That's what I mean - it's a personality thing - and if Peason is like me, I can appreciate how hurt she feels.
It's easy enough to advise from afar but what's missing is what the bf is doing to aggravate these feelings.
And like me, Peason has readily accepted her own emotional response.
You can only be what you are.

[Smowball]

Everybody is different, some have more confidence and some are a little more insecure. i am a little insecure, not sure why,and I think peason77 is the same therfore we react in a slightly different way. We analyse things a tad more.

[chrissy847]

Mosaic,I agree entirely with what you have said............maybe I am old fashioned too!

[joko]

some people accept a request - just to ashow politeness and not a blatant snub - which is surely uneccesaarily rude - and then have them on a limited profile or even after a wee hwile delete them

whether they have a past or not there is no reason for him to want to snub her

he also either knew it would upset you - or didnt htink it mattered - its only FB...

unless she is a veyr real threat, then id let it pass - the fact that she is simply an ex is not enough to expect him to treat her badly...

[cathfromsaron]

not looking good! once trust has gone ...

[coccinelle]

I've just seen this thread and after the first two sentences he would have been an ex! Plays on the phone for 30 mins??? so why did he come round? Maybe I'm getting on....

[tonyav]

He's ' playing ' with you.

[rowanwitch]

He may be innocent but his manners need some work... I think its one of those times when a long sit down and talk with mobiles switched off is needed...