sex drive

[Minnaloushe]

OK this is embarrasing - but here goes...

My partner's sex drive has gone...7 years ago!!! There is not sex...at all!!!

He refuses to get help saying it is a problem he has to sort out on his own. But he hasn't. He keeps making empty promises to see the doctor but never actually goes.

It is driving me to distraction!!!!!!! I must be the most patient woman in history.

He's only 39 so old age is not the problem. We don't have kids so they are not the problem either. He does not have a stressful job and are very much in love with one another.

Talking about it has not helped.

Is anyone else suffering this?

Is there anything I can slip in his food?




Please someone help :(

[kazzianne]

Hiya Minna - it could be that there was an initial trauma when his mum died,but now the problem has gone for so long that he almost feels awkward in being intimate again - you know,like when you have an argument with somebody and then in the end nobody wants to make the first move to make it right again.

Im sure you have done all this before,but I would open a bottle of wine one eve,sit him down and tell him that you need to have a serious talk.Dont get mad.Say that whatever caused all this its not realistic at your ages to have no sex life,and does he want to go back to how it was.If he says yes(which he will do) then say that you BOTH need to go and see somebody about it all.Unless he shocks you and blurts out exactly what the problem is.Tell him you love him and you miss the physical side of things and ask if he does too - he may open up to you.

Fingers crossed.xx

[Hgrove]

I am in a similar situation and I came to the conclusion that nothing can be done. I am only living with him still for financial reasons - I have not worked since my daughter was born and the only jobs I can go for are low paid part time jobs. Talking, suggesting the doctor etc. have all been useless. All I get is "but I am tired" and "I don't want to talk about it". Sorry to be so negative but unless you are happy to be with him just for the companionship, I suggest you move on. I would if I had a job instead of a child.

[Minnaloushe]

Just want to say thank you to everyone who has given advice. It's been great to get it off my chest. A lot of what you've all said is more or less what I have said to my partner over the years. But it's been a case of in one ear...

He's such a sweet, loving, yet stubborn man, but as much as it pains me I will soon use a little more (gentle) persuasion to get the ball rolling on getting him to see the doctor. Basically, because of how his mother died he does not have much faith in doctors (BUPA in particular!). It is an irrational fear/hatred which he has promised one day he will overcome. I think that day ought to be sooner rather than later!

Thank you all for your time.

[Ethmer]

Possibly he experienced an ED (erectile dysfunction) seven years ago and the thought of it happening again (showing him to be a failure as a man) psychologically prevents him from "chancing" it happening again.

If i were in your position i would ask him if he thinks that might be the problem. If it is, then maybe getting some Viagra might temporarily solve the problem. As he becomes more secure with his manliness he may be able to do away with the Viagra.

In any event it is important for you to stress to him that his sexual prowess or temporary lack of it does not lessen your perception of him and respect for him as a man.

There can be many causes for ED, and once it happens the thought of it happening again can effect a man's libido.