lion on the loose in Essex

[flipnflap]

Can anyone come up with Essex Girl jokes involving lions?

[cupid04]

Is there really an escaped lion?

[Mamyalynne]

http://www.thestar.co...ssex-police-1-4870213

[Mamyalynne]

http://www.dailymail....tml?ito=feeds-newsxml

[plowter]

Call Leo-Nine-Nine-Nine

[HowardKennitby]

Once, a mother lion observed one of her cubs chasing an Essex girl in circles around a tree. The mother lion exclaimed, 'How many times do I have to tell you not to play with your dinner?'

[cupid04]

Not funny if you live in the vicinity.

[DaisyNonna]

Isn't a lion a mattress?

[DTCwordfan]

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking Colchester guy in his mid-thirties and the other is a gorgeous Southend blonde in her late twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The Southend girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the Colchester man and asks, "Can you top that?"

"No problem," replies the suave Essex man, "just get that lion out of the way."

[HowardKennitby]

A man and his pretty Essex wife were strolling through the zoo when the male lion started following the woman's every move with his eyes. The husband said, "I think you have made a conquest. Wink at him." And she did, and at this the lion started stirring about restlessly. "Now blow him a kiss." She did, and the lion roared longingly at her and began lashing his tail. "That's enough," the husband said, hoisting her into the air and tossing her over the railing into the lion's enclosure. "Now tell HIM you have a headache!"

[cupid04]

Lions eat sheep you know, BEWARE!

[DTCwordfan]

I'm here in Cornwall, not Essex. Here our problem is either Pumas on the prowl, or loose Scillonians.

[ChuckFickens]

"Not funny if you live in the vicinity."

Oh I don't know... I do live in the vicinity and I think it's quite funny, as do most of my friends from the area.