An extreme example of humanity

[hc4361]

This couple is the reason I am so firmly against the death penalty. If the youths had been sentenced to death, what would have become of the victim's parents?

http://www.dailymail....d-son-death--job.html

If a rapist is sentenced to death, does that help the victim or just burden him or her with more guilt, grief, anger?

Does anybody really believe that the death penalty is a comfort to victims of violent crime?

[hc4361]

Duncer, how on earth do you know that?

Victims of rape often feel guilt and shame, that somehow they were to blame. That is what rapists can do - shift the burden of guilt to the victim.

As unpalatable as it might be, rarely a rape victim has conflicting feelings for the rapist, especially if he (or she) has known the attacker for a long time - a relative or family friend, perhaps. Hates the act, hates the attacker for the attack but still has fond and loving memories.

In these circumstances a victim could suffer even more if the attacker was sentenced to death. It is impossible to explain in depth on a forum. An example is a child who loves his mother even though she regularly gets drunk and beats him, sometimes severely. I've seen this often, and the distress a child suffers by being removed from the parent.

At the other extreme, a victim might feel a burning rage that the attacker has escaped by being sentenced to death, and a lifetime living with the knowledge of what he (or she) has done is a far better punishment.

It is a fact that bitterness and hatred is all consuming and destroys. Ending up in prison for exacting revenge causes more suffering for the loved ones, surely?

[hc4361]

Apologies to Nox. You had posted whilst I was typing.

[Duncer]

NOX, I don't know if I ever did sort it out or not. He left work in a terrbile hurry and, to my knowledge, was never seen again in God's own country again, although he sent pathetic letters to my niece on rare occasions. He was a coward of the highest order and, despite being a black belt in two martial arts, ran from me outside the Strathmore the day the news broke. I am so grateful because I truly do think I could have killed him that day, and I had a few unsavoury friends with me.

As for involving both sides, I worked with a very good friend from West Belfast from many years. Pro quid pro and all that.......

I fully take on board your poiints about the needs of the child.

[Duncer]

Duncer, how on earth do you know that?

Know what exactly hc?

[emmie]

there is no way on earth i would do this.

[ojread2]

Forgiveness is an extremely strong emotion
By forgiving their sons attacker, they are moving on in the best way possible.
They will live their lives in a better world because of it
I hope that if anything of this nature were to happen in my family I could have the same strength of character

[emmie]

fine, but i would not do this. Moreover what if he doesn't turn his life around and is involved in another's injury or death. I can't get my head around this at all.

[ojread2]

It's a hard one, isn't it?

I do know from watching my mother and father, that if she forgave him she would feel better about, not just him, but herself as well and compared to the above, his wrong was a minor imperfection

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

[ludwig]

Their lives were devastated and this is the way they've found of coping so good luck to them.

It doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, it's just the right thing for them.

I don't feel a great admiration for their attitude but I can't be critical of it either. I just feel terribly sorry that they were put in this situation in the first place.

[ummmm]

Would I forgive. Absolutely not.

My dad was beaten to within an inch of his life back in 1992. I still take pleasure in making his attackers lifes a misery.

[sp1814]

For me, it would depend very much on how my love done had been killed. I think I could forgive a drink driver...however if there was intent involved, or any degree of premeditation - I don't think I would have the capacity to forgive.

I think this couple are amazing. I really don't think I could match their generosity of spirit. If this is how they get closure - good luck to them.

[youngmafbog]

I dont think they are amazing, but then I also understand why they have done it. Each to their own.

Personally (and I also agree with SP on circumstances) if it was a deliberate act like this to one of my children then I would wait until they got out and they would die. An eye for an eye, I don't care what the pathetic liberal law of the land says.

No doubt I wont be entitled to my view on this site though as it is not a fluffy do gooder view.

[chaptazbru]

They seem like a lovely couple, but in my opinion are seriously deluded. And after looking at that picture of their lovely innocent son, I find it even harder to believe that they have forgiven this person. I don't have children, but I know how I'd feel if this had happened to say my OH or brother. I could NOT forgive.

[joeluke]

If a rapist is sentenced to death, does that help the victim or just burden him or her with more guilt, grief, anger?

Does anybody really believe that the death penalty is a comfort to victims of violent crime?


My answer to both of these questions is that, if sentenced to death, the scum who committed these crimes wouldn't be able to ever do it again

Which surely is a good thing?

[emmie]

joeluke, have a tendency to agree with you on that last part.

[mccfluff]

i don't agree with the death penalty but not sure i could be that forgiving

[joko]

i could never forgive or forget - especially since these killers appeared to be so cocky and sneery in court - clearly showing they thought the whole thing was funny and were not remotely sorry.

to say they are sorry years later when theyve grown up - well yes maybe they meant it - we all do stupid things as kids that we regret - but this is in a different league.

i would wish over time i could learn to let go of the intense feeling of hate and anger and revenge - but i would never be able to help or touch one of them...

i undertand them wanting to go through the process as to some it offers some sort of therapy or closure, but i am gobsmacked that he was saying this just hours after it happened, and i am stunned that they have gone so far as to find one a job and want to be invited to their family occasions - i know the thought of my parents doing that if id been killed would horrify me.

the pain he suffered i very much doubt hed be looking down on them and giving his blessing to it.