help with a 14 year old

[hammerman]

Just need your help again regarding my 14 year old daughter.

She's a good kid, bit stroppy some times, works hard and earns her own money part time, loves fashion and clothes, make-up etc and has some good friends. No boyfriend as far as i know yet.

Anyway, she keeps putting something on facebook. She'll write "like" for a rate. So people press her "like" button and she'll write a comment rating them.

Well last night, i saw some of her comments to some of the boys who had "liked" her. At least 3 of her replies were along the lines of "hey, haven't seen you for ages, you're well hot, we must get together sometime"

I went a bit mad at her and told her she sounds like some desperate slapper. A bit harsh ? maybe, maybe not but she was in floods of tears. I tried explaining to her that if you speak like that to boys, you could open yourself up to all sorts of inappropriate stuff and i only have her best interest at heart etc.

Was i right ? what would you have done ?

[ummmm]

My step dad said to me when I was young (12/13) that I wouldn't amount to more than a prostitute. I'm nearly 40 and those words still echo in my ears.

(he was a nasty bastard, it wasn't me at fault)

[Paulsy]

Hammerman I read this and your last post about your daughter, while it wasn't maybe the most tactful thing to say its obvious you just worry and want the best for your daughter. As parents we all get it a bit wrong at times, only human. I'm not on Facebook but can see what a problems it causes people but young people get sucked into. I dread the teenage years with my daughter, we know how easy it is for them to get lead astray. Don't be too hard on yourself, you are a caring parent who is trying their best, as people have advised its best to have a chat explaining it all and that you meant well.

[grasscarp]

At her age she needs a bit of privacy. I would not have let my mother read my letters at that age. She did intercept a letter and stopped me seeing my best friend. Did no good. I hope I wasnt too hard on my daughters as they do have to make their own way. Both now great adults and the one who worried me most now a mum herself.

[karenmac60]

Had a conversation with my daughter about this tonight which went as follows.
Me - you know that like and rate thing on facebook, would it be bad if somebody said someone was hot?
Daughter - no, it's fairly common
Me - would it mean that person fancied the person they were commenting on?
Daughter - no, it would mean they're not ugly, they're ok, acceptable
Me- would that be the case regardless of gender?
Daughter - yes, it's just a compliment to your pals
Me- would the person saying it be likely to get bullied or get a reputation?
Daughter (with a bemused look and a laugh) - no
Me - would the person saying it be seen as a slapper
Daughter (horrified look) - NO!

I think you need to realise that words change meaning and become diluted over the generations. Your daughter was not being provocative. If you are worried about her being bullied,you might want to start by looking at your own language towards her. I know you are concerned and trying to do your best by her - but that sort of thing is only going to make her resent you and become secretive. That will make it harder for you to protect her. Try talking to her and her friends, learn the lingo and then you can figure out whether it's something that needs watching or not.

[NOX]

I think what you did was totally inappropriate Hammerman, it's a terrible thing to say too your daughter. As Karen has absolutely said above very succinctly, it's just a teenage thing and doesn't mean anything, it's not a big deal and I think you need to apologise tbh. I would never speak to my children like that, they'd be horrified and lose all respect for me I would imagine, and I think it shows a lack of respect for them tbh.

[Smowball]

My son is 13 and he does the 'like' thing on his FB as well. I do see your concern but dont think you should have used the words that you did. Maybe an apology and just tell her you worry about her?

[EvianBaby]

That's nothing a 15 year old girl I know (not related) puts on Facebook. It's so graphic it makes me blush sometimes. And I know her Mum can see it all.

[Cancan]

Just relax first dont shout talk it through shell get upset and go tellin all her friends how she dosent like her parents just make dure you both understand whats right and whats not going to make the other unjappy :)

[Le Chat]

You didn't really use that word did you, to your daughter?