Jokes

[M.T.Vessel]

Has anyone got any good jokes?

[Emmess]

Yes - hundreds, thank you

[flirty41]

What's hard and straight going in and soft and sticky coming out? Chewing gum!

[flirty41]

Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.

[flirty41]

A woman went into a bar with a newt perched on her shoulder. She ordered a drink for herself and one for the newt. 'What's it's name?' asked the bartender. 'Tiny' replied the woman. 'Why Tiny?' 'Because he's my newt.'

[flirty41]

What has thick glasses and a wet nose? A short-sighted gynaecologist!

[flirty41]

A chicken and egg were lying in bed. The chicken was smiling and smoking a cigarette while the egg looked decidedly miserable. The egg muttered 'Well, I guess we answered that question.'

[_josie_]

Am I being stupid here, but I don't get the S........C...............O.............N..............E....... joke. Would someone be as kind to explain it to me? thank you very much!

[Geordie101]

What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? Dam!

[Claud]

S....C....O....N....E.... as in G..O..N..E.

[Jens T]

(One for the women)........What's that useless piece of skin at the end of a penis?...........A man.

[flirty41]

How do you stop a man reading your e-mails? Name the folder 'Instructions'!!!!

[flirty41]

Why do men prefer to marry virgins? Because they can't stand criticism!!

[bernardo]

What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same. Why does an elephant have four feet? Six inches is not enough. Why does an elephant paint the soles of its feet yellow? So it can hide upside-down in a bowl of custard. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding upside-down in a bowl of custard? No. Shows what a good disguise it is then! I was lying awake all night worrying about where the sun had disappeared to... and then it dawned on me.