confused.com

[JanineG]

I don't know what to do about my relationship - i feel as though it's falling apart and i really don't think i care, except that i don't want to hurt him by ending it. we've been together 4 to 5 years and have lived together for almost that long - it feels as though there's nothing there anymore, but i'm worried that if i end it he'll be hurt and i don't want to hurt him (i split with my ex 6 years ago and he was really upset - i can't face the guilt again) - what do I do? can i make it his decision some how?

[lozzylou]

is there nothing you can do to try and get the spark back or do yu not want to try anymore.
its not fair to be with him if you dont want to be, its not fair on you or him.
this mite sound silly but me and my partner always go through stages when we are bored in our relationship so now once a month we write 3 things on a piece of paper that we want to change or improve. we then have that whole month to each work on each others issues. it has helped our relationship loads x

[McNoodle]

You mean make him want to dump you, so you feel better and he ends up with the guilt maybe? If it's over it's over, and you don't know, he may just, maybe, be able to get over you...

[CAJ1]

Do you want to be with him? If so, you need to sit down and tell him where the problems are and agree to work on them.

If not, you need to be honest and tell him. It would be worse to stay with him and pretend nothing is wrong so you don't hurt him. If you do this he'll end up hurt in the end anyway

[barney1966]

Have you spoken to him about this?

Is he aware there is a problem? Maybe he is feeling the same way too.

You need to talk to him, find out how he feels and sort out whether this is just a temporary blip or whether there is any future in this relationship. No point just letting it drag on if it really is dead. Far better for it to end now than after another ten wasted years.

GL

[TomDavies123]

I think you need to decide exactly what is wrong with the relationship. If you are not attracted to him, and think you have a personality clash, perhaps there is no point wasting time.

But, if you think there is hope and it all it needs is effort, don't just blame him! Take some responsibility and look at yourself too. Have you done everything you can to keep the relationship fresh?

I am worried you've allowed communication to be so poor that you're posting it on the internet!

Good luck.

[[email protected]]

Tell you what, I think you will find this site a good help. www.onelifeboard.com

[TenFour92]

Do you think your spouse feels the same way? ask. Honesty is key to solution. If you are not honest you know nothing will change. And you will be miserable as long as you do this.

[Colmc54]

There's an argument that says you shouldn't build your future happiness on the foundations of someone else's misery, and from your question you are one of the good people who are challenged by that question. Men often internalise deep feelings of guilt, insecurity, and low self-esteem. If you have made every effort to unlock the things he is unable to share with you after all this time there comes a point where you really must, with a clear conscience move on.