Advice Needed Emotional Abuse

sheri1980 | 22:34 Tue 13th May 2014 | Family & Relationships

41 Answers

Hi everyone.
Ok, I need some advice please. Might be a long post.
Ive separated from my husband (together 16 years) due to what I believe was emotional abuse.
I am struggling to 1.come to terms and deal with all the stuff that's in my head, and to understand why he hurt me so bad, and 2. the guilt of supposedly me causing his behaviour.
So I cheated on my husband about 7 years ago, no excuses, I did a terrible thing and I am ashamed. I was very unhappy and thought the answer laid with another mans attention, it didn't.
So my husband found out, took me back, but became unwell, depressed, anxious and couldn't work, he hasn't worked since.
The controlling behaviour started soon after, so did the little digs and the manipulation, too much to go into any detail, but basically he told me what to do and I did it, I was scared of his reactions to things and felt like I walked on egg shells.
So, since our separation he has told me all his anxiety, depression etc stems from me cheating, I turned him into this person, the man he truly isn't, through what I did.
He was so afraid to let me out or allow me to do stuff in case I cheated again.
I feel incredibly guilty and am seriously struggling with this. But, can all this really all be laid on me? I told him a few times I would leave if he continued to hurt me, and he still carried on, he says it was because he was ill.
I wanted our marriage to survive this, I love him, but I cannot get over what he has done, I still have flash backs of things he has said or done to me, the sick feeling of control he had over me, some thing will happen and its like im right back there with him manipulating me, controlling me.
He says I need to have councilling, as this will help me move on, that I have to get over it all, and he hopes we can try again.
What I need advice on I guess is... is he right, is this all me fault (plz be honest)? Did I cause him to emotionally abuse me, did I deserve it? How do I best move on from this? And is it me with the problem? as he has sought help and is on the road to recovery where as im just stuck here, feeling very unworthy and depressed myself, I feel lost without him.
We have 3 children, and they too suffered with hs jekyl and hyde personality too.
Sorry, long post x Thanks guys x