what do i say?

[kazminx]

ive had a best friend for 30yrs but over the last 2 years have grown apart..i annoy her...everything about me annoys her. my hair, the way i dress, the way i act, the fact that im always happy, have a good job, a great marriage and kids etc..anyway, she called me tonight (big surprise) to tell me her much loved mum is dying...any advise what i can do or say...i feel like ****...she needs me and i dont know where to go..she is coming to visit me this friday night..any suggestions/advise pleeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!

[JackDanielsU]

Well noone is to blame thats a first, for the 2 of you growing apart...you should both be proud of that 30 years of friendship

A bottle or two of plonk, a takeaway, and I bet you will be talking about old times before you know it.

The situation with her mum is obviously very emotional, just "be" there for her i guess. A shoulder to cry on

hope it goes well for the pair of you

[sense4all]

We all turn to those who we trust and love the most when we are in emotional freefall. You can bet your bottom dollar that she will appreciate whatever happens. Who else can understand how big her impending loss will be and all the associated issues (it's never straight forward is it? ) Wine, food, tissues and opticrom eye drops are the order of the day. Let her get it all off her chest so to speak, circumstances may change for friends but the basic people remain constant. I have friends that I may not see for a couple of years at a time but when we get together , it's just like it always was!

[curiosity]

Me and my "best friend" from 3 yearsold to 30 years old haven't seen each other very often for about 10 years, we send cards, turn up at "do's" etc. We only phone each other in crisis, i.e my mam died, my friend has an illness. The first 2 minutes feel like oh my god this is strange, but after that the bond that you two had without having to personally confirm it, comes straight back, and there is such a natural Ok feeling. Believe me, you will love it. I went to her 40th 2 year ago, and then bumped into her in Morrissons on Saturday, spoke for 5 mins, but the love was there, without any over the top stuff. Keep it, it's special. Oh and good luck.

[Jennykins]

Listen, you say the girl cant stand you.. well if she wants to come and talk then fine whatever.. but do not let her drain your energy making this your problem.. It would not be fair to you.. Think of it in a logical way.. she wants somebody to cry and whine to.. she chose you.. so .. she will do just that .. and then she will leave.. and who knows when you will chat again.. its abit like she is using you .. Dont make this a head ake for you.. just be there with a smile.. and then move on with your day... week .. month... and so on..

Good luck kazminx... You sound like a nice person ..

JEN

[kazminx]

Thanks you guys, i knew i could count on you to make me feel better. i take all the views..promise ill be careful but im dead emotional ... im also a tough cookie...maybe she wants some of my positivity to rub off on her eh??

[WendyS]

Sounds like your friend my be a little envious of what you are, who you are and the positive way you're managing your life. Whatever she feels about you, she needs some of this positive energy now her life is in crisis, so just give her as much sympathetic moral support as you can. She may not have too many other friends she can turn to and even through you've grown apart, the value of the friendship bond is still there. Just don't let yourself get sucked in more deeply emotionally than you can cope with, with all your other commitments.

[kazminx]

thanks again folks, i will report back after friday night..just pray i dont get p*ssed and let loose!! no, i wont, im too upset about her mum, i grew up with her...poor soul

[ARSENAL]

I just saw this question kazminx. All I could say - apart from 'Good Luck' is that somewhere deep down there must be something between you and your friend that goes beyond annoying each other. You will 'find a way' to help each other - and she seems to need a good friend right now. Maybe this is the 'wake up' call you both need? Funnily enough my best mate (whom I see less and less of now) called me this week to say his Mum had 4 to 8 weeks to live. I was round there like a shot - we had a beer - we cried together and we had a laugh. That's why he is my best mate. Good Luck.

[kazminx]

Thanks Arsenal...again! Tonights the night, i bought her a nice friendship card and a Guardian Angel thingy..hope its not cheesy. It actually only changed last year when i got a good job and she was raging. i also changed my whole appearance (went blonde, lost weight etc) and she disapproved...said i should act my age!! aye right!!! so i guess i should dress in granny clothes tonight eh????

[ARSENAL]

Wear that nurses outfit - it will be an icebreaker!

[kazminx]

LOL...i think that will just about end it...i will be playing hostess though..perhaps the maid's one!!??

[kazminx]

Well guys..the night was a success. it was as if we had never been apart..we cried, had a good chat about her mums illness, talked about how to prepare for her eventual departure from this earth, got really p*ssed, played some old tunes..worthwhile i think!! phew..i can relax now..with a mega hangover