Friends With Benefits?

[Scarlett]

My friend has a friend with benefits. They have been having a sex-only relationship for 3 years. He tells me it is sex only. She however is very needy and seems to be in love with him. She is only 19 and has only ever been with him. He is older (27). I worry that he is using her for sex and that she now thinks that this is what all relationships are like. My feeling is that he should set her free and allow her to find someone who actually loves her, but he won't- because he has exactly what he wants from her. This bothers me, morally. Am I old fashioned- is it each to their own?

[kvalidir]

Yes, just someone with whom you have recreational sex. Rather like having a gym partner, you wouldn't have any other obligation to them that to train with them.

[Sqad]

\\\They have been having a sex-only relationship for 3 years. He tells me it is sex only\\\

Not much for discussion really........a situation recognised for generations.........she is called a mistress and he, a lover.
Taken as normal behaviour in some countries e.g France and Greece but popular in the UK, but not recognised and thought to be anti-social.

Yes, you are old fashioned.

[jim360]

If he's get what he wants but she isn't then it's an unhealthy relationship -- but, like most unhealthy relationships (or even healthy ones for that matter) interference from outside is unlikely to be well-received anyway. At the moment it seems like you "only" have a feeling. Best, I think, to keep that to yourself.

[Prudie]

" I worry that he is using her for sex" - but that is exactly what friends with benefits is. Who describes the relationship with that phrase - you or her?

[Slapshot]

What Sqad said.... it still frowned upon in the UK but a "Cinq au Sept" is normal in France, almost abnormal if you don't !!

[sandyRoe]

Does it cut both ways in France? If a chap can have a mistress can a wife cuckold her husband without incurring the wrath of polite society?

[Slapshot]

yes, I believe that's the way it works... all is fair...

[Sqad]

Don't be silly sandy........men have mistresses and woman affairs...................the same for all countries in the world.....;-)

[Prudie]

I thought friends with benefits applied to single people who wanted sex without the emotional baggage not extramarital affairs.

[Sqad]

Prudie......I thought it meant that they were on unemployment benefits or disability benefits or whatever......complicated modern life ...isn't it?

[RATTER15]

I dont see the problem here as long as both are adults! Hopefully she is not suffering any type of learning disability, then she should be able to work it out!

[Scarlett]

She should be able to work it out but if she was a child when this arrangement started then perhaps she thinks this is how all relationships work. I think her self esteem is very low too.