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Embarrassing Moments.
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What have been your most embarrassing moments?
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Nearly, but not quite embarrassing.
25 years ago I was in Paris when I was caught seriously short after eating some dodgy prawns. I dashed into one of these new-fangled automatic superloos and made it with two seconds to spare. I relieved myself, but every time I stood up it started again. I resigned myself to a long wait and began reading all the info about the loo. The last sentence told me that after 15 minutes the door would automatically open. I looked at my watch and realised I had been sitting there for 14½ minutes. I have never moved so fast. If I had not had the good fortune to read French then in 30 seconds the throngs on the Boulevard Saint Michel would have been treated to the sight of me sitting with my trousers round my ankles.
25 years ago I was in Paris when I was caught seriously short after eating some dodgy prawns. I dashed into one of these new-fangled automatic superloos and made it with two seconds to spare. I relieved myself, but every time I stood up it started again. I resigned myself to a long wait and began reading all the info about the loo. The last sentence told me that after 15 minutes the door would automatically open. I looked at my watch and realised I had been sitting there for 14½ minutes. I have never moved so fast. If I had not had the good fortune to read French then in 30 seconds the throngs on the Boulevard Saint Michel would have been treated to the sight of me sitting with my trousers round my ankles.
At a memorial service I was circulating around the room (roaming aimlessly if I am honest...I hardly knew anyone there as it was very grand) when I found myself stood next to a former Archbishop of Canterbury. He was rubbing his thighs fairly hard and must have caught my bemused expression. He said
"My legs always suffer when it is as cold as this."
In a split second I thought of two things to say, either "what you need is some combinations" OR "what you need is some long johns."
What actually came out of my mouth was
"What you need is some condoms"
He gave me a very strange look and walked away
"My legs always suffer when it is as cold as this."
In a split second I thought of two things to say, either "what you need is some combinations" OR "what you need is some long johns."
What actually came out of my mouth was
"What you need is some condoms"
He gave me a very strange look and walked away
Had been to the river in the Philippines where they filmed the helicopter opening scene to Apocalypse Now....a trip and down the river in a canoe.
Anyway, we were a little hungry and the driver took us onto the next town, full of shops that carved Mother Marys and all sorts of Catholic icons. My wife found a bakery. As she was in the shop, a procession came down the street, all very colourful and lots of oompahs and other tubas/euphoniums in the band.
Yours truly - this will be great for some photographs and off I went, diving into the crowd. The wife came out and saw the wider picture - I was in the middle of a Filipino funeral............Ooops.
Someone's probably writing about this mad gweilo taking pics during a internment procession on the Philippine equivalent of AB......
Anyway, we were a little hungry and the driver took us onto the next town, full of shops that carved Mother Marys and all sorts of Catholic icons. My wife found a bakery. As she was in the shop, a procession came down the street, all very colourful and lots of oompahs and other tubas/euphoniums in the band.
Yours truly - this will be great for some photographs and off I went, diving into the crowd. The wife came out and saw the wider picture - I was in the middle of a Filipino funeral............Ooops.
Someone's probably writing about this mad gweilo taking pics during a internment procession on the Philippine equivalent of AB......
Getting up in the middle of the night for a loo visit when staying at a friends house. I toddled off to the loo and took a wrong turn on my return and was found by Mr Cake trying to get into bed with his snoring mate. He led me back to the correct bed.
In the morning I couldn't find my underwear, Mr Cake left our room and returned a minute later with my underwear which I had shed in his mates room.
A not inconsiderable amount of alcohol had been involved that evening!
In the morning I couldn't find my underwear, Mr Cake left our room and returned a minute later with my underwear which I had shed in his mates room.
A not inconsiderable amount of alcohol had been involved that evening!
