The Answerbank Summer Fete, Part 1

[mrs_overall]

In the village of Answerbank under the Wold (twinned with Damascus, Syria), it was 6.30am and under the supervision of the Fete Chairman, Whiskery Ron, the stall holders were setting up their stalls.
"Oi" said Ron to Tonyav "you didn't books a stall, what's your game?"
"Well I've go this lot to shift"said Tony, waving his arm expansively over a table."
"Hmmm, now where would you get designer handbags and the latest England shirts from?" queried Ron.
Tony adopted his best "what, me guv? I am as honest as the day is long" look which made him look shiftier than ever.
"Well I have this mate who works down the docks....." said Tony.
"OK, £35 and the stall is yours."
Tony handed over a fistful of £5 notes which smelled strongly of goat.
Ron moved on to where Talbot was setting up his 'hit the rat' game.
"What on earth have you got here?" said Ron pointing to a large pile of crates covered with a blanket.
"It'th my rath" lisped Talbot.
Ron nearly screamed as he peeked under the blanket to see crate after crate filled with mean, evil looking sewer rats.
"For God's sake Talbot" said Ron, breaking out into a sweat "You are supposed to use a broom handle coming down the drainpipe, not real bloody rats! Get rid of them now!"
Ron carried on around the field (courteously provided for free my the well known international supermodel, philanthropist and all round good egg, Mrs Overall). He suddenly made a 90 degree turn as he spotted Goodlife setting up a pulpit and opening box after box of religious pamphlets.
A hand grabbed his arm and Ron looked and saw it was the Reverend Venuste Enema whose face was so red it looked like a rotten strawberry.
"What's HE doing here? he hissed as he pointed to Goodlife
"He paid his money and it is a free country" said Ron, working his arm free and moving on.
In a far corner of the field a wrestling ring was being set up under the supervision of Murraymints (World Female Wrestling Champion 1983-4 as Murray the Mauler). She was wearing her best sparkly outfit, which seemed to have shrunk in the wash since her heyday in the 80's.
"When you do your demonstrations, who will you be wrestling?" queried Ron.
"Ah, I have a bit of a problem there" said Murraymints. "Big Thelma has put her back out and Savage Sandra is having trouble with her rheumatics so I have decided to challenge the villagers to a bout."
Shaking his head sadly, Ron moved with some urgency towards the First Aid tent.
Inside, he found Dr Sqad and Mamyalynne looking worse for wear after discovering a bottle of medicinal brandy in the First Aid box.
"This gets worse" muttered Ron under his breath as he left the tent to escape the brandy fumes.
Ron glanced towards the gate where a large van wa squeezing its way through the gatepost
"oh nooooooooooo" groaned Ron as he spotted the lettering on the van.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Psybbo]

Mamma, who is Randy or is that a pet name for a sleepy Lion?

[gness]

It's a family fete, Sammy!

Lovely to see you back on form, MrsO............☺...xx

[-Talbot-]

Yes, nice to see her back with a bang!
And welcome back to you too, gness.

[gness]

Thank you, Talbot...that's very nice of you....x.

[Togo]

I am thinking of attending this year, But only on condition that we can be assured that last years fiasco with the Portaloos is not repeated. I hear that the screams could be heard for miles, and that the' odours' took some weeks to reach levels considered fit for human proximity.

[jourdain2]

Hi again gness!

I'm really proud to have been accepted as i/c one of the bran-tubs! So excited that I'm scouring the place for pleasant little extra surprises! There are all the bottles of wine (they are actually bunches of grapes with an instruction leaflet, but it's the thought that counts). Fortunately it is a very large tub. The bottle of medicinal brandy seems to have mysteriously emptied so I have refilled it (dollop of brown paint in water looks good).

Finally (inflated with pride at my self-sacrifice) I have polished all the pet scorpions and popped them in as well. If you pick one of them - it's more likely that they will pick you T.B.H. - please give it a good home, they're easy to keep once you have the security in place and they don't pine when you go away. Sharing your bed with them is not advised however.

I'm off to dig out (or up?) lots of other special gifts for you all. :) x

[gness]

J.....did that box of self setting mouse traps arrive yet? Use them if you can.... the old folk's home refused them this year....can't think why.....x

[jourdain2]

Thanks for the reminder, gness, I'd quite forgotten about them what with the move and all. I'll dig them out a.s.a.p., there is also the box of baby snapping turtles that I slung into the pond so I'll find the fishing-net, too.

Are the cyanide tablets going a bit far, do you think? I could wrap them up prettily in sweetie-papers?

[gness]

Mmmm....perhaps make them into pretty necklaces?.....☺

[jourdain2]

What a spiffingly, jolly-good idea of yours, gness. I'm off to dig out the thread.

[DaisyNonna]

Lovely to hear from you Mrs O
Is there still time to set up a paper back book stall?

[gness]

Use elastic, J.....more fun when you ping it!.....☻