I have had a bowl of no sugar alpen with strawberries, then i had a packet of crisps with a cold meat and coleslaw sarnie,and a couple of bisquits with coffee,had 2 cups of tea with brekky,then had a...
Defense Attorney: What is your age? Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: On the first day of April last year, will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you? Little Old...
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase "Spending a penny"...
and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars." The bear replies, "If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there." The bartender says,...
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So...
There was a tribe in Africa, which was very fierce, they would battle all the tribes in the area, and they always won. As a victory trophy, they would take the throne of the chief of the defeated...
1) An 'S' saved it from being buried. 2) Could be confused with dollars. 4) Only the nose is missing. 5) Were the arrowheads made here? 7) Silence for a time. 8) Three year olds only here. 9) Was this...
My daughters been in bed since Sunday with flu an had inflamed tonsils :( she says she feels loads better tday an wants to go back to school as she as a cricket match this afternoon ... But her gums...
Roy Rogers rode into town and his usual dapper appearance was ruined by the fact that his boots had been ripped to shreds. All the townsfolk commented on it and he said 'I was camping in the mountains...
My partner and I are getting married in 3 months and lastnight he said if after a year of marriage I don't fall pregnant he will find someone else or get a donor!! Now this is a sensitive topic as...
The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and...
A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a...
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner--Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to...
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I...
My neighbour found out her Chihuahua dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then...
When Leif Ericson returned from his New World voyage, he found that his name had been dropped from the registry of his hometown. He reported the omission to the chief town official who, deeming it a...
My local supermarket did a demo making Swedish dill bread. After mixing all the ingredients the baker said "and for our next step we will knead the dill dough...."
Does anybody remember the name of a film that George Formby starredin. It was set on the Isle Of Man and was about the TT races. Also were would i get a copy on DVD. All help appreciated