An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river. "What did you do that for?" Asked a passing...
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I...
Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Knicker Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies" knickers and...
Why does pain become more severe during night time? I injured my arm and shoulder after a fall in April and was sent for an x-ray. The result stated wear and tear and i am now on pain killers only. I...
Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door. A Japanese deliveryman is clutching a clipboard, pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and yelling: "you...
Once upon a time in England, a very mean witch was terrorizing the local population. They finally went to a wizard to see what could be done about her. The wizard gave them a potion that would turn...
Rev John Flapps sees a lady church member getting drunk in a pub. He tries to take her home but they fall and he ends up on top of her. Landlord shouts "Oi mate you can't do that in here! "Rev...
A computer programmer, bored with his job, decided to start his own business. Wanting to do something very different from his current occupation, he bought a mating pair of rheas and a large tract of...
Clark and Lois had been going out, unofficially, for a number of years by now. Walking home from the theater one night, they were passing the graveyard. Lois, still looking for a bit more in their...
Reuben Samuel arrived May 20th, 6.46 am, weighing in at 7lb 3oz :o) He was a little earlier than expected (I'm convinced it was because I'd been out for a curry the day before I went into labour), but...
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks it was just a figment...
Husband and wife shopping in Tesco, husband picks up a box of Stella and sticks it in the trolley. "What do you think your doing?", asks his wife. "They're on offer, ?10 for 24 cans", he says. "Put...
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the systems, so without me nothing would...
Dracula decided to go on a vacation so he flew down to Tuscany to hang around an abandoned castle. After a few days he became thirsty and decided to lure a luscious Italian peasant girl to the castle...
At the beginning of the 20th century, famed British botanist, Lord Ramsbottom, successfully hybridized a cumin plant with a strain of coriander. The results was a cultivar that had a very unusual and...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a...
