Updated Site Rules

[FredPuli43]

Ed. Good luck with the one that says posts should be on the topic ! We do tend to wander (or is that wonder; never know which is which) on here!

[Bambiagain]

Aaaaaah! Does he sleep on your bed?

[rowanwitch]

He sleeps wherever he likes... BTW my neighbours Jack Russell is missing

[Sipowicz]

Presumed lost in action?

[Maydup]

Did your chewing gum lose its flavour overnight?

[Charity]

My husband has tripped on the hearth rug and fallen face first into the coal fire - how many internet chat-sites can I post on before he needs to be basted?

[rowanwitch]

I have severe central chest pain I am clammy and grey and sweaty should I post my status on facebook before or after phoning an ambulance.

[Bambiagain]

You'll probably have plenty of time after calling for the ambulance, but if you're afraid it will arrive too quickly then tell your Facebook friends sooner rather than later.

[Charity]

Phone NHS direct and ask them if you are pregnant.

[maggiebee]

I would go for the morning after pill - but do they do a year after pill too?

[rowanwitch]

Visible tonight USS Enterprise at 2217 WSW then boldly going where no ship has gone before (sorry Wendilla)

[Sipowicz]

Beam me up spotty.

[Charity]

It's Fife Jim - but not as we know it.

[rowanwitch]

Wayne of the Week

Considered Wayne Smith the butcher from glamorgan but have settled on this weeks selection Wayne Rooney this mega expensive light red bordering rose is a bit of an underachiever but in the right setting performs fairly well. Unlike many of the European competition The Wayne Rooney lacks sophistication and smoothness but has a degree of energy and goes with pretty much anything. However you may wish to hold on for a couple of years in the hope that the Argentines provide us some vintage Messi

[tonyav]

Has anyone seen my cat, he is Black and White aged 12 and his name is Tommy. He went AWOL about 16 weeks ago :-(

[mrs_overall]

I nominate myself for this weeks "I only open my mouth to change feet" award

[tonyav]

Youv'e won that hands down. ^^^^^

[maggiebee]

Put brain in gear before putting mouth into action. If only I did all the time!

[rowanwitch]

Mrs O let her gob of the lead
She's put her foot in it indeed
To be honest I bet
They'll forgive and forget
And say its just Mrs O pay no heed

[mrs_overall]

The words that should have stayed in my head
Came out to someone soon to be dead.
It's ruined my day
And I do have to say
Today I should have stayed home in bed

[vivandorron]

All those in favour of postings into this thread reaching 2000 say...AYE.

Ron.