help and advice for my friend

[Bobbisox]

I have just has a very disturbing phone call fro a really good friend, she was crying so hard I could barely make out what she was saying.
Basically, she is saying she can't 'hide' her face much longer? confused? so was I, she says the bags under her eyes are making her feel ugly and she can't look in a mirror, I see K every Tuesday night and I have tried saying to her she looks no different to me but she says this is because I see her 'all the time' she's now thinking up reasons for not going to work and she says the customers are looking at her, I know this sounds bizarre to all of you but I am at loss how I can support her, she's not ugly and even if she was, she radiates warmth to all around her, I really don't know what to do

Joy

[Bobbisox]

she has spoken with her eldest daughter so I won't break a confidence by going to the other two girls rh

[TOWIE]

Typical GP answer - you have to live with it - wasn't Sqad was it. hahaha

[Bobbisox]

he would probably say that DEN wouldn't he?
I feel so helpless for her, I love her to bits as a friend

[ummmm]

Could she be lonely?

[Bobbisox]

Ummmm I don't know, she always has family around her, she did have a relationship with a really nice guy who we know, it came to a sudden end and when I asked her what happened she just shrugged and said she didn't want commitment again, turns out after asking her again today....this was the reason

[ummmm]

You can be surrounded with family and friends and still be lonely. Sounds like she's looking for a reason for being single and has started obsessing over her looks.

[Bobbisox]

she's been divorced for 15 yrs

[cazzz1975]

sounds like depression to me, she needs to see the real picture of people in that away from the glossy magazines people come in all shapes, sizes and physical appearances. Im not trying to pour cold water on her plight but we all have issues with various physical attributes, when you look at people who have survived fires and physical deformities things like eye bags pale into insignificance.
In my opinion she needs to focus on other parts of her life that give her joy and pleasure and not on her appearance, physical beauty is fleeting.

[ummmm]

So, she could be lonely then. Friends and family can never replace the intimacy you get from a relationship.

[Bobbisox]

ummmm I know what you mean, if it is this then she does need to see a councillor, only she wont do that, I have offered to go with her but she will not go

cazz I agree with you but how can I get this through to her, she needs help

[ummmm]

The waiting lists for councillors are quite long.

Maybe she needs a change of scenery....Although I don't know what the dating scene is like for people in that age bracket. My Mum is single....but she has God.

[albaqwerty]

It really sounds like depression has been late kicking in.
Maybe she is now grieving over the loss of the marriage and is focussing (sp)
on her eyes at some sub-conscious level.

[cazzz1975]

I think she is just having a bad day, we can all give advice until the cows come home but ultimately its up to her to decide what to do or whether to accept the advice. just be there for her.

[Bobbisox]

ummmm she shudders at the thought of going out with a male...honestly
we will call him G, I have noticed that when he is the pub occasionally, she either goes to the toilet or puts her head down, I though they must have had an acrimonious fall out, not so,,,as I know now

[Bobbisox]

I am there for her, believe me, today's phone call was quite alarming though

[Mamyalynne]

Sounds like she is actually afraid of the prospect of love after all this time and is making up excuses why it should not happen.

I have never been happy with myself from the neck up but have learned to listen to others when they tell me I am lovely.

[Bobbisox]

I have told her just today , what a lovely person she is, everyone likes K, I told her she's funny, witty, loving and yes pretty,, she is just not listening

[Prudie]

Has she always been really pretty - I don't mean like we all tell each other how pretty we are just to be nice I mean accepted as a stunner? It can be vey devastating for a beautiful woman to start losing her looks through age. Maybe surgery might be right for her, it's perfectly normal for celebrities to have it.