I never know what to say to people who are feeling this low, apart from, whatever has happened in your life, it can be overcome and you can be happy again. Please do not lose hope or faith. I know you'll probably read that and laugh, but honest, in a few months time when you're in a better place, you'll realise it's true.
It may seem like you have a million things to deal with, your mothers death, your gender issues, depression, but if you try to look at each seperate problem as opposed to a whole massive mountain, you can slowly climb your way though.
You sound really lonely, and I know it's scary, but I KNOW there is a piece inside you, no matter how small, which is a fighter. This will get you through. This little spec of hope will help you get the help you need, be is with a GP appointment, joining a support group, or simply writing how you feel on AB. Every little step is a step in the right direction. You're so brave for posting on here how low you're feeling and you should feel proud of yourself.
What do you like to do? Do you like painting? Poetry? Walking? PLaying a sport? Or is there something you've always wanted to learn? Like a dance? Playing an instument? A new language? I think if you plucked up the courage and joined a group, it would make an incredible difference. Trust me I've done it! It'll make you feel self worth, motivated, have more purpose and best of all you'll meet new people. I know it's scary, but that leap into it, could improve your life tenfold. Take that leap of faith, surely it's better than giving in and ending things? Or even worse, keeping things the way they are? You CAN do it, you CAN turn things around and everyone on here SUPPORTS you and CARES about you. You can change your life, but you're the only one who can do it. We can be here for you, no matter what, but only you can make the decision to DO it.
Massive hugs, really big hugs. You ARE