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Grieving....
11 Answers
One of my best friends passed away 2 weeks ago after her fight against cancer.. which lasted for 6 years, 11 operations, 3 lots of chemotherapy and an amazing amount of strength.
My question is really to see if I'm dealing with things in the right way and to ask for some advice from those that don't know me....
I talk to her all the time.. like she is right next to me.
I attended her funeral on Monday but I felt like I wasn't really there.... like it wasnt happening.
When I laugh at something, I feel bad for laughing... as I feel that I should be sad.
Believe me, I am so sad, I'm gutted and when I'm not busy or alone, I cry ..... alot.
I'm very lucky in that I've got lots of friends and they are being very supportive to me.... but I'm normally the strong/hard one.... but with this situation, I just feel kind of lost and not myself.
On Monday, I was given lots of cards to look after by her husband and I've got to take them round to his house, but I'm really scared because she isn't going to be there and I just don't know how I'm going to be.
How do I keep myself from crying as soon as he answers the door? I want to be strong for him (he is being amazingly strong) but I just don't know if I can do it, yet.
Any advice would be welcomed as I'm in a really confuzzeled n empty world at the moment!
Thank you. xx
My question is really to see if I'm dealing with things in the right way and to ask for some advice from those that don't know me....
I talk to her all the time.. like she is right next to me.
I attended her funeral on Monday but I felt like I wasn't really there.... like it wasnt happening.
When I laugh at something, I feel bad for laughing... as I feel that I should be sad.
Believe me, I am so sad, I'm gutted and when I'm not busy or alone, I cry ..... alot.
I'm very lucky in that I've got lots of friends and they are being very supportive to me.... but I'm normally the strong/hard one.... but with this situation, I just feel kind of lost and not myself.
On Monday, I was given lots of cards to look after by her husband and I've got to take them round to his house, but I'm really scared because she isn't going to be there and I just don't know how I'm going to be.
How do I keep myself from crying as soon as he answers the door? I want to be strong for him (he is being amazingly strong) but I just don't know if I can do it, yet.
Any advice would be welcomed as I'm in a really confuzzeled n empty world at the moment!
Thank you. xx
Answers
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everything you are feeling is natural to someone who has lost somebody close.
Take each day as it comes and never be afraid to show your emotions. If you hold them in check you could make yourself ill.
Everyone grieves in a different way, and there are no set rules. Do not be afraid to 'talk' to your friend if you find yourself alone and want to do this.
I can sympathise,for I have been in a similar situation with my brother who died from cancer aged 39.
God does not mind being swore at either, the vicar told me, so if this helps alleviate some of your anger, then do it.
Take each day as it comes and never be afraid to show your emotions. If you hold them in check you could make yourself ill.
Everyone grieves in a different way, and there are no set rules. Do not be afraid to 'talk' to your friend if you find yourself alone and want to do this.
I can sympathise,for I have been in a similar situation with my brother who died from cancer aged 39.
God does not mind being swore at either, the vicar told me, so if this helps alleviate some of your anger, then do it.
When it comes to grief, everyone deals with it in different ways. There is no "right" way or "wrong way".
Why should you feel bad for laughing at something funny? I bet your friend would want you to laugh!
It's true when they say that time is a great healer, but there is no time limit to grief. You may have good days and then a bad day will hit you out of the blue. Someone once told me that grief is like standing on a beach with your back to the sea, and you never know when a wave will wash over you.
Why should you feel bad for laughing at something funny? I bet your friend would want you to laugh!
It's true when they say that time is a great healer, but there is no time limit to grief. You may have good days and then a bad day will hit you out of the blue. Someone once told me that grief is like standing on a beach with your back to the sea, and you never know when a wave will wash over you.
Dig out some photos of you and your friend. Take them with you when you go to see her husband, and talk about the times they were taken.
You might be helping him too, in doing this. I'm sure he will not think any less of you if you break down in front of him. He knows how much your friendship meant to his wife, and I'm sure he will be glad to be able to talk about happier times with you about her.
You might be helping him too, in doing this. I'm sure he will not think any less of you if you break down in front of him. He knows how much your friendship meant to his wife, and I'm sure he will be glad to be able to talk about happier times with you about her.
I'm really sorry to hear about your friend, it's so hard to accept knowing that you won't see that person again.
There is no right or wrong way of dealing with the loss of someone close to you. You just need to let grief take its cause.
when my aunty died I felt that I didn't deserve to be upset because I should have been there for my mum and my aunty's husband. But it didn't help me and I ended up having a break-down.
My mum still talks to her mum every sunday morning when she is dusting around her photo, and she died over 8 years ago.
Things will get better in time, and you should deal with it in a way you feel comfortable.
You will gain strength of her husband and visa versa. You will know what to say when you see him, although I'm sure you just being there will help him and you.
Take Care. x
There is no right or wrong way of dealing with the loss of someone close to you. You just need to let grief take its cause.
when my aunty died I felt that I didn't deserve to be upset because I should have been there for my mum and my aunty's husband. But it didn't help me and I ended up having a break-down.
My mum still talks to her mum every sunday morning when she is dusting around her photo, and she died over 8 years ago.
Things will get better in time, and you should deal with it in a way you feel comfortable.
You will gain strength of her husband and visa versa. You will know what to say when you see him, although I'm sure you just being there will help him and you.
Take Care. x
grief is a much misunderstood concept for us Westerners, mainly because we don;t deal with death properly - we treat it something slightly shameful and to be ignored as soon as pssible.
OK - first off, all your reactions are completely normal, and in keeping with the deep loss, shock, and grief you are experiencing.
As time progresses, you will find that some days you hardly think of your friend at all, and other days, you will feel so lost in a pit of grief that you will abandon trying to climb out, and start looking around and thinking of it as home.
Grief is not an illness.You don't 'get better'. Neither is is aprocess governed by time - you will not necessarily feel bettter in six months than you do in six days - grief ebbs and flows like a tide, and you must learn to go with your feelings.
When everyone around you thinks you have 'got over it' - about six weeks is average - they will stop asking you about your feelings - and you will keep on feeling them, hard and soft, easy and impossible, and eventually, but no-one knows how long, you will assimilate your loss into the fabric of your life.
You will never 'get over' your loss, but you will learn to deal with it.
As far as your friend's husband is concerned, he will understand if you cry - it may help him to release his feelings. the 'stiff upper lip' is vastly over-rated, and he should go with his feelings as well.
This will pass ... eventually. Promise.
OK - first off, all your reactions are completely normal, and in keeping with the deep loss, shock, and grief you are experiencing.
As time progresses, you will find that some days you hardly think of your friend at all, and other days, you will feel so lost in a pit of grief that you will abandon trying to climb out, and start looking around and thinking of it as home.
Grief is not an illness.You don't 'get better'. Neither is is aprocess governed by time - you will not necessarily feel bettter in six months than you do in six days - grief ebbs and flows like a tide, and you must learn to go with your feelings.
When everyone around you thinks you have 'got over it' - about six weeks is average - they will stop asking you about your feelings - and you will keep on feeling them, hard and soft, easy and impossible, and eventually, but no-one knows how long, you will assimilate your loss into the fabric of your life.
You will never 'get over' your loss, but you will learn to deal with it.
As far as your friend's husband is concerned, he will understand if you cry - it may help him to release his feelings. the 'stiff upper lip' is vastly over-rated, and he should go with his feelings as well.
This will pass ... eventually. Promise.
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Thank you very much for all your replies. They have made perfect sense to me.
I will go and see him and if I cry, I cry.... obviously, he knows how close we were so he may be expecting it.
The 'tide' reference is so true... and it hits me at the oddest of moments.
But, I think that I need to give myself a break and let nature take its course and not fight it.
thank you all very much. xx
I will go and see him and if I cry, I cry.... obviously, he knows how close we were so he may be expecting it.
The 'tide' reference is so true... and it hits me at the oddest of moments.
But, I think that I need to give myself a break and let nature take its course and not fight it.
thank you all very much. xx
just be yourself if you cry when you go round so be it, maybe he will want to cry with you, i have just lost someone very close to me, and yes i think im doing ok then it hits me that im never going to see them again, never say all the things i wanted to say to them,
its hard and sometimes the smallest of things will start you crying, i found that going to the grave and sitting there just talking to them helps,
There are 5 stages of grief , denial , anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. it wont be easy to get through them all, but with the help of other pals you will, it might take longer then you think but you will and i know you will get through.
its hard and sometimes the smallest of things will start you crying, i found that going to the grave and sitting there just talking to them helps,
There are 5 stages of grief , denial , anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. it wont be easy to get through them all, but with the help of other pals you will, it might take longer then you think but you will and i know you will get through.
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