Stigma of depression

[evedawn]

I went to a psychiatrist yesterday (I have private medical so I didn't have a long nhs wait) and she has signed me off for depression. (My gp offered to sign me off for stress 6 weeks ago already but I declined)! I am dreading telling my manager as feel so ashamed for not coping. It is humiliating. I feel I must take the advice of the dr this time tho. Advice on what to say appreciated?

[boxtops]

Well done missus, another hurdle cleared x

[evedawn]

Got a voicemail from my "managers, manager" i.e. head of the dept. My heart was in the pits! But the voicemails aid she wants to speak to me as a friend (????) as she is going through similar (????) I should ring her - as her call is a nice gesture but I am thinking two things: One is that is there an alterior motive, (i.e. don't forget the previous person in my post had some sorta breakdown, was fired and is now suing for unfair dismissal) or the second is that I don't have the energy to explain how I feel. BUT - then if she is genuine then she is reaching out to me as she says she has similar problems. Dilemma! I am so indesive at the moment!!!

[boxtops]

Oo-er..... there is a duty of care on your employer to make sure you are OK if you are off sick so it could be a sort of pastoral call - but of course there is always the possibility that she is being just as affected by your manager's attitude as you are. I think you need to be careful not to be drawn into any sort of mutual support arrangement, particularly while you're not feeling very robust yourself.

Why don't you email her and thank her for the voicemail and you appreciate the call, but you are feeling rather fragile at the moment and you'd rather leave it a couple of days before you speak to anyone from work? After all, you do want to concentrate on getting yourself better, rather than hearing about her woes - people don't always realise how unhelpful it is to say "I know how you feel, I'm there too" and launching off into their own problems - which don't help YOU.

I think you should respond (you are a dutiful employee after all, and need to cooperate!) If she's genuine and you have always got on well with her, there may be no ulterior motive, she may just be asking after your welfare - so if you do phone her, you can keep it short and say you're not up to a long conversation at the moment.

I hope this helps...

[wolf63]

The fact that this situation seems to a huge problem to you is a sign of unwell you are.

I worked as a civil servant and employers such as yours and mine have guidelines for managers and they must follow the rules. Once you tell people about your depression you will find people talking to you about their experiences.

I wish you well - especially at this time of year. Remember that at this time of year loads of people are miserable whether depressed or not. Keeping in-laws, out-laws etc happy is a nightmare for many.

[evedawn]

Yeah I do have a suspicious mind and wondered if it was "genuine" or if it was a "have to" as she is management. What I did is TEXT her a L-O-N-G text to say thanks for the call, that I am still not great but that I hope I am on the mend - slowly! I also DID offer my sympathy just in case she is suffering too, (she might well be) In fact her voicemail said she is now also off work and is in a "similar situation to me" (???). My problem is this depression is making me so indecisive and it takes me forever to make any sort of even tiny) decision about everything. Therefore thanks for assistance.

[boxtops]

Evedawn, well done - but please be aware that as wolf says, that's the nature of the beast - you're not well at the moment and you do need to allow for that. It's not a failing that you're indecisive at the moment - just think of it as part of your symptoms, but that you're already doing something about it. Small steps are the best way - one thing at a time x