News1 min ago
Stigma of depression
47 Answers
I went to a psychiatrist yesterday (I have private medical so I didn't have a long nhs wait) and she has signed me off for depression. (My gp offered to sign me off for stress 6 weeks ago already but I declined)! I am dreading telling my manager as feel so ashamed for not coping. It is humiliating. I feel I must take the advice of the dr this time tho. Advice on what to say appreciated?
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Hi eve, I was on different medication but it was a long time ago (and it took me too long to get off them - things are different these days). Thank you for your positive words about me - I am a different person than I was all those years ago, but it took its time, there was a lot more going on for me than just the work situation (and it doesn't take much for me to remember how it used to be!).
It will get better but you have to stick to your guns - don't worry about letting down the others, you have to think of yourself and your mental and physical health at times like this. If people don't complain or go sick, nothing will ever get done about that department and more may go the way you've gone..... Your HR department ought to be monitoring sickness patterns and doing something about it, but in the current climate I suspect they are not - but they have a duty of care to you as an employee. Nothing to stop you going back to Occy Health, just to give them an update....
It will get better but you have to stick to your guns - don't worry about letting down the others, you have to think of yourself and your mental and physical health at times like this. If people don't complain or go sick, nothing will ever get done about that department and more may go the way you've gone..... Your HR department ought to be monitoring sickness patterns and doing something about it, but in the current climate I suspect they are not - but they have a duty of care to you as an employee. Nothing to stop you going back to Occy Health, just to give them an update....
Hello - a sleepless night which I don't know if it is due to the Sertraline or the stress of telling my boss, or simply the depression.
I emailed my boss in the wee hours to tell him that I am off (with depression) for two weeks. An email is the cowards way but to be honest all my emotional energy the last 24 hours has been expended on trying to ...exist. It sounds ridiculous but the pain inside, (in my soul) is the most intense thing ever. If this is depression it sucks! I have been stressed for weeks and weeks but the last little while it has taken a big turn and turned into something beyond description. Anyway the way I see it my "career" in that dept is over as once the news that I am booked off get's out I lose all credibility...I DID specifically mention in the email that it is confidential. Yeah right! As if! I found out the other lad at work was off for stress (4 weeks) when the MANAGER told one of the other sec's, (who in turn told everyone).
I emailed my boss in the wee hours to tell him that I am off (with depression) for two weeks. An email is the cowards way but to be honest all my emotional energy the last 24 hours has been expended on trying to ...exist. It sounds ridiculous but the pain inside, (in my soul) is the most intense thing ever. If this is depression it sucks! I have been stressed for weeks and weeks but the last little while it has taken a big turn and turned into something beyond description. Anyway the way I see it my "career" in that dept is over as once the news that I am booked off get's out I lose all credibility...I DID specifically mention in the email that it is confidential. Yeah right! As if! I found out the other lad at work was off for stress (4 weeks) when the MANAGER told one of the other sec's, (who in turn told everyone).
evedawn - you have sympathy. i ad a boss at one time who was a complete bully whilst pretending to be a friend. i ended up not wanting to get up and that meant i had to go to work. rang in sick when i gould not face it and then worried about reaction next day. turned out i was not the only one, suffered feelings of inadequacy for years. still do occassionally.
really just trying to say you are not on your own and whenever you want to talk we are here. some with good advice like boxtops and alba and welshy etc and some like me with understanding and sympathy.xx
really just trying to say you are not on your own and whenever you want to talk we are here. some with good advice like boxtops and alba and welshy etc and some like me with understanding and sympathy.xx
I have been signed off with depression in the last 12 years twice, once for a month and once was for nearly two months. I was in different jobs for each time, and I have never had a problem finding another job. Please don't listen to that, it's simply not true. I have had to attend occupational health checks prior to starting jobs where they've asked about previous depression and I've been honest and explained the circumstances. Just take it easy, do what the docs say, try not to worry too much, and definitely don't sit there thinking it's going to effect you career years in to the future, it generally doesn't work like that. :c)
Evedawn,
I suppose I am in the unique position of being on both sides of the managers's desk regarding this issue.
I had a tough year in 2011 and didnt deal with it at all well. Long story short, a long term relationship broke down, I was really hating work, my finances were all over the place and I simply could not focuss nor did I have the energy to pull myself out of the rut I was in. I started getting mental and physical symptoms of stress, constant fatigue and aches and pains almost every day. I was checked out by my GP and deemed physically fine. I was sent for Cognitive Behavioural therapy which lasted 12 weeks and it really helped to control my anxiety and stress issues. I was too ashamed to tell any of my work friends or my boss at first. I took a week off work with "the flu" then the next month with a "chest infection" (all lies, was just so ashamed). I felt that I would be judged and like you say, a stigma attatched to me. I am a middle manager in our compnay and thought my stress would be seen as weakness and there would become a lack of trust and respect for my position by those I work with.
After 4 months of feeling awful, I told my boss how I was feeling and to her credit she offered me all the assistance that the company could possibly offer. I had 2 weeks off and then returned to work on half days for a further 2 weeks. I didnt want to ask the doctor to sign me off as I felt that it was like admitting I was weak. However, it was the only way I would get better and I came to realise that!
Now, recently I had a staff member come to me with stress issues and I was appalled at how other staff were talking about him (he came clean to us all that he was stressed out.) I felt the greatest of empathy. Stress is such a big issue and to those who havent felt the effects, it is often seen as a cop out or a weakness. Having suffered myself (and I am a very strong person usually) I will now always listen and assist those who are suffering.
Company's have a duty of care to its employees. Your situation will be delt with privately and properly. But you do have to ADMIT firstly to yourself and then to others that you are not coping. It is the first stage to getting back on your feet!
GOOD LUCK
I suppose I am in the unique position of being on both sides of the managers's desk regarding this issue.
I had a tough year in 2011 and didnt deal with it at all well. Long story short, a long term relationship broke down, I was really hating work, my finances were all over the place and I simply could not focuss nor did I have the energy to pull myself out of the rut I was in. I started getting mental and physical symptoms of stress, constant fatigue and aches and pains almost every day. I was checked out by my GP and deemed physically fine. I was sent for Cognitive Behavioural therapy which lasted 12 weeks and it really helped to control my anxiety and stress issues. I was too ashamed to tell any of my work friends or my boss at first. I took a week off work with "the flu" then the next month with a "chest infection" (all lies, was just so ashamed). I felt that I would be judged and like you say, a stigma attatched to me. I am a middle manager in our compnay and thought my stress would be seen as weakness and there would become a lack of trust and respect for my position by those I work with.
After 4 months of feeling awful, I told my boss how I was feeling and to her credit she offered me all the assistance that the company could possibly offer. I had 2 weeks off and then returned to work on half days for a further 2 weeks. I didnt want to ask the doctor to sign me off as I felt that it was like admitting I was weak. However, it was the only way I would get better and I came to realise that!
Now, recently I had a staff member come to me with stress issues and I was appalled at how other staff were talking about him (he came clean to us all that he was stressed out.) I felt the greatest of empathy. Stress is such a big issue and to those who havent felt the effects, it is often seen as a cop out or a weakness. Having suffered myself (and I am a very strong person usually) I will now always listen and assist those who are suffering.
Company's have a duty of care to its employees. Your situation will be delt with privately and properly. But you do have to ADMIT firstly to yourself and then to others that you are not coping. It is the first stage to getting back on your feet!
GOOD LUCK
Thank you all. An update - yesterday I had to see psych again and she bookede off till 30.12.12 so it will be 4 weeks in total. Yesterday when I saw her I felt do down and just cried and cried but today I woke up feeling "lighter" and happier (???) first day in ages so now I'm wondering if I should go back to work earlier as feel like a fraud if in booked off but feel ok today? Anyone else have experience of depression were sooooo low but then one day work feeling ok? I have been on sertraline one week.
Thanks Tilly! I just feel so stupid being off work for this :( no matter how many people tell me it's an illness like any other I feel useless. Not even 5 min ago I got a text from work re a query (nothing major) and my heart was pounding .... Where 5 min before I felt fine. So maybe I'm not ready after all ay!!
Don't even think about going back - it's much too soon. You've been signed off for a month for a reason - and tbh your employers' sickness policy will say that unless you've been given a date to return by your GP, you shouldn't be on work premises. An open-ended certificate needs closing off with a return to work date, you shouldn't just ignore it. That month will give you time to get everything a bit more into perspective.
Don't feel that you're being wimpy, it's the nature of the illness to make you feel less self-assured - you need to have time to regroup and in due course, to be able to look logically at what's happening. Don't let work badger you too much - you're off sick, I can't understand the occasional text but the whole point of being off sick is to give you that break.
Don't feel that you're being wimpy, it's the nature of the illness to make you feel less self-assured - you need to have time to regroup and in due course, to be able to look logically at what's happening. Don't let work badger you too much - you're off sick, I can't understand the occasional text but the whole point of being off sick is to give you that break.
Hi evedawn you should never be ashamed about your situation, depression can hit anyone at anytime for a number of reasons.
I can't believe your workplace for its lack of confidentiality it's a disgrace !
I hope you do get the help and support you need to get through this and like many Abbers I wish you all the best. x
I can't believe your workplace for its lack of confidentiality it's a disgrace !
I hope you do get the help and support you need to get through this and like many Abbers I wish you all the best. x
Evedawn, why don't you kill two birds with one stone?- you'll need to send in the sick note from your GP, so scan it into your computer then attach it to an email to your boss.
That has a double value because if there is ever any query about your absence, you've got evidence in the Sent email box.
You do need to do it today - if your personnel practices are the same as ours, you need to send the sick note in as soon as you know you are going to be off for a period of time. Once you've done it, it's another job ticked off that you don't have to worry about.
You don't have to go into detail - just say in the email "Dear Jim, I've been to see my GP again, and he's signed me off for a further 4 weeks - GP certificate attached". You can't give your boss a date when you'll be back, because you'll need to see the GP again before your certificate expires in January.
Post on here when you've done it, we're waiting.... :-)
That has a double value because if there is ever any query about your absence, you've got evidence in the Sent email box.
You do need to do it today - if your personnel practices are the same as ours, you need to send the sick note in as soon as you know you are going to be off for a period of time. Once you've done it, it's another job ticked off that you don't have to worry about.
You don't have to go into detail - just say in the email "Dear Jim, I've been to see my GP again, and he's signed me off for a further 4 weeks - GP certificate attached". You can't give your boss a date when you'll be back, because you'll need to see the GP again before your certificate expires in January.
Post on here when you've done it, we're waiting.... :-)
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