Stigma of depression

[evedawn]

I went to a psychiatrist yesterday (I have private medical so I didn't have a long nhs wait) and she has signed me off for depression. (My gp offered to sign me off for stress 6 weeks ago already but I declined)! I am dreading telling my manager as feel so ashamed for not coping. It is humiliating. I feel I must take the advice of the dr this time tho. Advice on what to say appreciated?

[albaqwerty]

I am so sorry you're not well. Please follow the advice of your doc and psychiatrist.
If one has a broken leg there is sympathy as it's a visible wound, I wish there wasn't a stigma surrounding other health conditions. I'm sorry I can't offer advice on what to say to your manager, has your doctor written a sick-note for you? (If there are still things like that) I just wish you well. xx

[mazzywoo]

Hi Evedawn
I really sympathise with your dilemma re telling your manager about your depression. Unfortunately there still seems to be a stigma surrounding mental health issues despite so many people suffering from it so I can understand your worries. I had this problem too and after much deliberation, I told my practice manager. She was really great about it and when I was feeling really low she helped me by just listening.
I usually find that being at work helps me-it's a distraction and for me, better than sitting at home and worrying.
I know it may be difficult for you to initiate your conversation with your manager but I hope it goes well for you-depression is an illness so please don't feel ashamed (difficult, I know!).
I hope you feel better soon-thinking of you.
Best wishes
Maz x

[evedawn]

Thanks alberqwerty. Yes she has written a sick cert. thing is there was another guy in our dept who was off with stress and although it should be confidential it certainly was not and everyone knew and basically slated him big time for being off :( it's a awful
Dept I work in :(

[evedawn]

Thanks maz. I don't think there willbe as much sympathy where I work :(

[albaqwerty]

If a colleague of yours has been off with a similar or same condition, I hope the management will have a good long hard look at themselves.
I don't know what line your business is in but really hope the bosses don't see it as an occupational hazard.

[Sir Alec]

I have suffered from depression for most of my life.
Whatever you do, do not tell your employer that you suffer from depression. It will go on your record and basically, you will never get another job! I can promise you that. Discuss this with a trusted doctor and put some other long term illness down, but if you put depression down, I can guarantee that you will never have another job.

[lady-janine]

cannot think of anything to say but can send my very best wishes that you are soon feeling much better.

sounds as though there is something wrong with the firm if more than one person has depression and stress. attitude of slating someone specially a work colleague, who is off suffering from stress is really unacceptable.

good luck.

[WELSHYORKIE]

Evedawn, I would agree with Alba opening sentence. Tell your manager, difficult though it may be. Is the stress due to just work or is it a combination of work and homelife? When my late wife suffered with depression, we found that tackling the cause head on helped her greatly. The fact that she admitted that she couldn't cope and was struggling with everday things was the first day for her getting better because it was out in the open. What you will need, most importantly in my opinion, is strong support from loved ones to help you through it. As for SirAlecs assertion that 'I can guarantee you will never have another job' is a load of tosh - and I speak from personal experience.

[wolf63]

Depression is a horrible illness and really can't be understood unless you have been a sufferer or watched a close friend/relative suffer from it.

Sometimes it is caused by something in your life and sometimes it just descends upon you for no apparent reason.

I have always been open about my Depression (diagnosed as Bipolar in 1997) and have had few problems. You will find that if you talk about it other people open up and tell you about their experiences with the illness.

It isn't anything to be ashamed about.

[ummmm]

There isn't the same stigma anymore, now that we understand more about it.

[WELSHYORKIE]

Totally agree, Wolf

[evedawn]

Thank you ALL. Incidentally I work I nhs - the one place you'd hope would've sympathetic but it certainly is NOT! I tried to ring my manager this morning but got no reply which was a good thing as it meant I could send an email instead! Though ... I still did not have the courage for honesty and simply said I was unwell today and would keep him posted. I will have to tell him the full truth tomorrow though :( I do worry what sir Alec says about future employability though :(

[ummmm]

Try not to worry. Depression is treatable. It's not like it was years ago when people suffered in silence and it only came to light when they were nearing a breakdown.

[murraymints]

the GP can just put debilitation on cert...without being specific..just tell your boss you are under the weather...

[boxtops]

evedawn - I'm so sorry to hear that the situation has ground you down so far. Do tell your manager what the problem is, he will see it on your sick note or a self-cert form anyway. You are clinically diagnosed with depression so he can't say that you are making it up.

Years ago I'd have agreed with sir.alec but not now - mental health still frightens some people but employers have to be able to manage it, and it's certainly not a sign of weakness, so STOP thinking of yourself in that way. "Not coping" is not the same as "not being able to work when you are 100% overloaded and doing excess hours". We are outside your situation, remember, and we can see it for what it is.

Can I suggest that you contact your Trust's Occupational Health team, and ask for an appointment? If you refer yourself (which you can), then the outcome of the meeting is not shared with your manager (or shouldn't be!) - it's only if they refer you for an opinion that OH has to send them a report. That really might help, they will see trends developing in employee absence patterns.

I've been where you are, many years ago, and there is a solution, you just mght not be able to see it yet. You need to go with the flow for a few days, take any medication you've been prescribed, not stress about what people will be thinking of you. Your health comes first. In one instance I was able to leave the job which was distressing me, and your manager will have to report the diagnosis for your absence to the HR department as I have to for my team.

Keep talking - I know what you are feeling ♥

[evedawn]

Box thank you. You always seem to know the right things to say. Today I simply told work I was under the weather as didnt have courage to tell them the depression thing but WILL do so tomorrow. I have to really.box you mention occy health and yes I self referred and even saw them a week ago and they were not at all surprised when they heard which dept I am in so there is a pattern there!!!! Also when I asked for a 1-2-1 with manager which is now a month back ... I told him that my gp had put me on meds for anxiety and he had offered to book me off then already but as I didn't wanna let the side down I was coming in etc
.... So he is aware there were issues. I was struggling with and he did eff all! Of course he doesn't yet know of the now formal clinical diagnosis of depression.

[evedawn]

Box ... It's so weird to hear you were in similar position many years ago as you ALWAYS sound like you have such good control of everything and you just appear to be so highly confident and competent. Glad you were able to get away from that scenario.

[Euphemia]

When, a few years ago, I was suffering from work-related stress caused by one superior in particular, my GP marked the certificate "abdominal investigation".

[evedawn]

That would have been very helpful to have the cert marked as something else.

[crazygirly]

Hi Evedawn

Suffering depression or stress is not something to be ashamed of. I had been signed off a while ago due to depression. I had medication for this which did help me see things in a better light. I was on citalopram.

It may be hard to see at the minute but even your manager could have suffered from depression or is and he/she could be on tretamnet themsleves. This is no longer an illness that once in its day was taboo to talk about. In this current climate and the general pressures of life, you will find that more and more people are actually on anti depressants of some kind. Dont feel ashamed and dont fear telling your manager, i think you will be pleasantly suprised at the response you get.

Let me know how you get on.