Look, get a bag of peas on it. It probably won't do anything, but if you post a picture of your black eye on here, I am sure you will get lots of (laughs) sympathy :))
tambo, get the witch hazel from the chemist 2moz. soak a flannel in it and apply at every opportunity (watching telly, resting, whatever) I assure you it works. been there, done that (too many times from a mispent childhood). It will go in less than 5 days. 10 days if you choose not too.