Right Decision Sqad?

[gness]

Morning Sqad. My ninety year old mother is in a home. Very severe dementia and now immobile. She is hoisted into a chair where she spends a confused and uncooperative day and hoisted back to bed.
She is doubly incontinent and for the past two months or so has had very loose motions. I admire the staff!
Today her GP has asked me to decide how much intervention I would like to investigate the cause as tablets are not working.
There is no-one at the moment to discuss this with so I have said blood tests but no more in her condition...cameras etc.
I suppose I risk not finding something that could be causing the problem but I think I have made the right decision....second opinion please?
Gx

[biggleswade]

I cannot give any sort of opinion gness but my sympathies are with you.

[gness]

Thank you Big Les.....x

[ummmm]

We were advised against having any invasive tests for my nan as they would do more harm than good.

[sara3]

gness, I think you already know what's right. it's a sad situation.

[Sqad]

Investigation of a change in bowel habits of a 90 year old with dementia and totally immobile.

Well gness, you will have posts on this thread for and against..........investigation.

You asked me for my advice and i will give it to you as if she was my mother.
You either investigate properly or you don't do it at all....properly would indeed involve colonoscopy, not a big deal, but if anything was found, then what would you do with an immobile 90 yr old?..........not a lot.

I would not even think about going down the road of investigations.....

[divegirl]

For what is worth I feel you have made the right decision. I think there has to be a point when we say 'no more'.
My thoughts and love are with you and your Mum.

Lisa x

[Smowball]

Am very sorry to hear that gness, I think you have made the right decision definitely xx

[gness]

I do know I suppose but when my brother is here we can mull it over together and that makes a difference. Deciding alone and thinking...have I prevented a solution being found is uncomfortable. x

[gness]

Do you know Sqad...I hadn't even got to thinking about what if something was found. How slow am I today. Of course you are right.
Thank you and thank you all for the replies.
The sister who speaks to no-one but knows it all will be in the UK soon, after a five year absence, to sort everything out I am told.
I will go on holiday I think!

[Khandro]

You have my sympathy gness. My mother had a heart attack at 91, she was revived and put into a home because she needed 24hr care, the dementia took hold and she continued for another 3 years by virtue of drugs and intervention, dying aged 94. Those last years were without any quality, dignity or happiness, and I wish she had been allowed to pass away peacefully, as I believe nature intended, when she had the attack.
That's all I can say really.

[jno]

hell of a decision. I suppose all you can do is put yourself in her shoes (only compos mentis): What would they find? And what could be done if they did? Her doctor might be able to give you a seer on this; without it, Sqad's suggestion is probably what I'd go with myself.

[jno]

a seer might indeed be useful, but I meant *a steer*. Curse these fat fingers.

[gness]

Khandro....All my mother really says to me now is...When are you bringing the boys in?....I don't have boys...and I want to go to God. I wish she would for her sake......x

[gness]

Oh for a seer Jno....but would we want to know? ;-) I will stick with my decision and hope for ....her passing if I am honest. x

[pusskin]

Very sad situation gness. I personally would let them drift off and rest in peace x

[woofgang]

gness I have been where you are twice now and made the same decision. Have mulled it over a million times and still think I made the right decision in both cases. I will pray for your heart to ease and for your Mum to pass peacefully.

[excelsior-1]

good afternoon gness

i concur with those who have said your decision is the right one, and i would, like to extend you my deepest sympathies aswell

(things are proceeding with the settling of my grandmother's affairs - and i await a decision on when the funeral will be)

[gness]

Thanks all....and hope things settle soon for you Excel. x
Pusskin and Woof...I wish she would drift off peacefully but she has the constitution of an ox. It's not a decision about keeping her alive...that has been made. It's a decision about investigative treatment. She could perhaps go on like this for a very long time if she is getting just enough nourishment from her diet...poor though it is. x

[giveup]

So sorry to hear this Gness, but I think you have made the right descision hard though it is.

[giveup]

decision