Right Decision Sqad?

[gness]

Morning Sqad. My ninety year old mother is in a home. Very severe dementia and now immobile. She is hoisted into a chair where she spends a confused and uncooperative day and hoisted back to bed.
She is doubly incontinent and for the past two months or so has had very loose motions. I admire the staff!
Today her GP has asked me to decide how much intervention I would like to investigate the cause as tablets are not working.
There is no-one at the moment to discuss this with so I have said blood tests but no more in her condition...cameras etc.
I suppose I risk not finding something that could be causing the problem but I think I have made the right decision....second opinion please?
Gx

[sebhfhion]

gness your dear mother has expressed her own wishes to you in her own words, she wants to go to her God. Let her go with as much dignity as is possible with her condition, knowing that you are doing the right thing. I really don't think anyone you discuss this with will have any different opinion to be honest. My thoughts go out to you and hope your mother will find her Peace.

[WELSHYORKIE]

//and I want to go to God// - hasn't she told you what she wants, Gness. I agree with what sqad said, I wouldn't do any investigations either

[ChillDoubt]

Sorry to hear this gness.

I have infinitely less medical knowledge than Sqad (who on here doesn't?!) but would concur 100% with his thoughtfully measured post.

Difficult though it's been, take some small comfort in the fact that you've made totally the correct decision. Thoughts with you.

[WELSHYORKIE]

I should have added, my thoughts are with you. xx

[gness]

Oh dear....don't think I have put this very well. It's not a decision about whether to let her die or keep her alive Sebh....We would never allow intervention in that case...she must go in her time. It's whether we should allow the medics to carry out test to see why she has diarrhea constantly. Would the tests be too invasive for her and as Sqad says, if there was a bad problem what would we decide about possible treatment. This has been a problem for some months now...not nice for the carers but not making my mother any worse, physically.....strangely. x

[gness]

Thanks Chill and Yorkie too...as I say I have no problem at all with letting her die....I would be happier for her if that had happened two years ago. It really is about letting her live in this awful condition....xx

[WELSHYORKIE]

It's obviously not nice for all concerned, Gness, and the staff do have a lot to put up with. Have you discussed it with them to see what they suggest?

[whiskeryron]

I really really feel for you gness & send my sincere condolences. I am 88 so not far behind her but with better health. I can only say that when I reach the time I have told my relatives that I do not wish to be resuscitated. Is it possible that you could ask the medical staff to give your dear mum regular morphine for her ''Pain'' ???. She would then be stress free & hopefully join God peacefully.

WR.

[gness]

The staff at the home...which is excellent by the way and I can never praise them enough... have said...after I gave my decision that that is what they would do for a relative.
I don't know what they can give her Ron...though I would do it myself if I could.
Physically she has always been fit and healthy. Never a days illness...no arthritis or aches and pains ever. Riding her bicycle til the dementia set in about eight years ago. I have a theory that dementia patients like her can go on for a long time. Fed, watered and cared for and no stress other than the odd strop....but then she has always had the odd strop. :-)
I could be wrong there though.....x

[Ann]

Hi Gness - poor you, what an awful dilemma, I would hate to be in your position having to take decisions on your own, but guess I could well be in the near future as my Mum is also in her 90th year. She too has the constitution of an ox, and we are very fortunate that she still lives independently with no dementia.
May I suggest the problem may not be as bad as you think, my FIL started this problem of loose bowels when he was in his final years in a care home. Apparently it was like an incontinence and to put it crudely he was blocked up and leaked down the sides of the blockage. The doctor told us this often happens to elderly people because of their inactivity and poor diet (he just picked at his food in the care home but had eaten hearty dinners previously while living at home) and it wasn't causing him any physical distress just mentally as he thought he was very ill as he wasn't going to the toilet properly.
I do hope you and your family make the right decision but I tend to agree with you, your poor Mum doesn't seem to have much quality of life now and if she is saying she wants to go home to God, she perhaps understands that she can't get any better and maybe wants to join your father? Sending you my love, God bless x

[gness]

Ahh thank you Ann......I hope she goes soon because it's horrible seeing her like this. Not sure about her seeing my father though...he has probably been enjoying the peace and quiet...that is only half a joke...;-) xx

[society]

My thoughts and good wishes are with you and your Mum. xx

[excelsior-1]

good evening gness

my thoughts are still very much with you at this time

[tonyav]

Just seen this tread of yours gness, bloody hell, you are between a rock and a hard place aren't you with this. But I think that you know that intervention would not be good.

[flump1]

Awww Gness, it seems like the one last thing you can do for your mum. So very sad, she is lucky to have you xx

[gness]

Thank you...went to see her today. So sad...she is so nasty to the staff. How they do it I don't know. I've had sixty odd years to get used to it. ;-)
But looking at her today I just wish she would go....and looking at all the other residents...well there must be a better way to end your days.
God....a cure for this bloody awful disease would be so, so good. x

[giveup]

I don't really know what to say,I lost my parents when they were comparatively young so did not have to go through the anguish of watching the people we love slowly change knowing full well what they would want to do if they were given a choice. All I can offer is hugs and prayers. Hang in there.

[gness]

Thanks Giveup...in truth somedays when she is curled on the bed totally confused I wish I had the courage to put the pillow over her. And that's not for me....I just have to visit now....but for what she would think if the real her was looking. x