Self Harming

[Baby_Sham]

Really didn't want to post this, but here goes...

I've started self harming, and can't stop :-/

I don't even know what my question is, just that I need some help.

Life has been a bit difficult the past year or so, but I thought things were ok.
It's only been the past week that I've started doing it, and I don't even know why. I only know it makes me feel good, almost like a 'release'.
I'm a happy person, I've started to deal with life's difficulties, but I've found this new 'thing' and I'm a little bit addicted to the way it wakes me feel.

I'm having to wear long sleeved tops because I've wonderfully fluffed up my arms, and my whole chest and stomach are cut to pieces. Why? I don't even know.

I need some help, but don't know where to turn?

Really embarrassed by this thread, so please don't start preaching to me. I know it's wrong, but I don't even know why I'm doing it :-(

[Baby_Sham]

*makes

[Canary42]

See your GP urgently ------ Please.

[Baby_Sham]

But I'm really scared about doing that, because I have two children. I worry they'll think I'm some kind of loon and can't look after them.
I can, my children don't even come into my 'issues', I just seem to beat myself up all the time.
My arms are bleeding real bad right now, which brings on my anxiety all on it's own, but I just can't work out why I'm even doing it? I know I'll feel ok tomorrow, I just seem to have these 'episodes'.

[tonyav]

Do as Canary says, Baby_Sham. ASAP.

[ferlew]

Awww, bless you, get someone in your confidence.

[pixie373]

Yes. See your GP. He/she will have seen it before, so don't be embarrassed. It's a compulsion more than a choice. Can i ask where you got to with your meds? Did you start the citalopram and lower diazepam? I'm wondering whether it's down to a change or withdrawal in medication.

[tonyav]

My arms are bleeding real bad right now

What have you been using ?, do you need to go to A & E ?.

[Canary42]

They won't think anything of the sort, specially as you're being mature and responsible in seeking early medical help.

[pixie373]

And they won't take your children away for asking for help

[wolf63]

I have spent the last 20 years being treated for psychiatric problems and I have never been made to feel nutty or bad about the illness.

[Canary42]

.... And keep us posted - we're here to give what support we can under the circumstances.

[Baby_Sham]

I have stuck with the diazepam, I tried to switch but found it too difficult.
I've been having acupuncture, which has really helped, so I really don't know where this has come from.
I know this will sound absolutely ridiculous, but I was literally cutting some vegetables and got this sudden urge to stick the knife into myself. I did, and I can't even begin to describe the relief I felt as I saw the blood appear.

God, that sounds really awful, I know. I'm not some kind of loon, but I just got this overwhelming feeling of relief from it.

I have cut my arms this evening, not too much, but there is quite a nasty gash on my upper arm. It's nothing I'd need to go to A&E for, I'm just more upset about doing it.

[pixie373]

It doesn't sound ridiculous. That's why many people do it. Has anything changed at all recently? Did you start citalopram, decide it was too difficult and stopped? Or didn't try at all? Are you safe for tonight, or do you think you'll do it again?
sorry for lots of questions x

[tonyav]

Baby_ Sham, you must phone your GP in the morning, I'm sure he / she will be able to help you with this. And has been said earlier I'm sure you won't be the first and definitely won't be the last that they have come across with this problem.

[tamborine]

Try this website

http://behindthescars.tripod.com/id3.html

[Baby_Sham]

Please, I don't want any of you to think I'm 'on the edge', I'm not.
I did it, and then felt really bad about it.
I didn't try the other medication. I've stuck with the diazepam, and I've been having the cognitive therapy and acupuncture.
I just can't work out where this has come from.

I've soaked up the blood with cotton wool, and it seems to be ok. I honestly don't know what I'm doing.

I'm really sorry to have troubled you all, I feel really embarrassed now. So sorry.

[tonyav]

Hey, it's no trouble to us Baby_Sham, now stop thinking that way.

[pusskin]

Is it very painful Baby Sham? Please go and try to get help from your GP.

[pixie373]

Really don't be embarrassed. Was just trying to work out what has set it off. Make an appointment as soon as you can.

[tamborine]

dont feel embarrassed, its more important you stop or get help if you cant do it yourself. Please read the website I posted.