iv been conned!

[phae]

Im in a very tricky situation. Shortly after the birth of my second child (3 weeks actually) i met a guy, and we gradually started a relationship. 4 months later his wife called me..... but hended up leaving her and we moved to london together where his family lived. I had some major financial problems, and during the sale of my flat was made (unfairly) bankrupt. believing all my funds were to be frozen and my bank accounts shut down, i withdrew the profit of my flat sale (lmost �50,000) in cash. 6 months later, My new boyfriend has run off with this cash leaving me on benefits with 2 children and a loadf debt. In the months since he left i have found out all cars were all stolen. He was dealing drugs. I also found four other women he was seeing AND he has had monry off them too. He's a proper conman. His family wont tell me where he is. He never left his wife, she didn't know we were living together. I'm stuck in a town I dont know and i just cant believe whats happened to me. I know he banked �20,000 of the money in his account. with little proof of the situation and all his friends and family covering for him, is this a case for the police? Can they do anything? WHat chance do i have of ever seeing my money? I just cant believe this has happened. I really believe I could KILL over this, I am that angry. Anyone got any ideas?

[dothawkes]

You've been conned, how do u think we feel!

[lady_p_gold]

This is all so complicated.  I think you should draw a line under your past and start again.  His family sound bad news, he is bad news, the whole situation is bad news.  Move away and start a new life, even if you have to live on the state you can build up a decent life and when the children are older go to work or something, or perhaps have a chance to meet someone decent.  That is what I would do, but only you can decide.  The stress and repercussions of pursuing him and what goes with it, I think outweight the possibly unlikelihood of you getting your money back.   If you live in a state of anger it will only have a negative effect on you and your children ... although I realise what I have suggested is not easy, I believe it can be done.

[january_bug]

Righty-ho here we go!  another ABer alerted me to this threads.  I must admit that I haven't read it in full as I've been for an interview today and am a bit nackered.

First of all, I think attacking phae is just totally spineless.  If you have nothing useful to say then don't bother.  Assume the story to be true, and either offer help, sympathy or stay quiet.  I credit phae with the ability and hindsight to see that she's made mistakes, perhaps others should credit her with being, like the rest of us, a mere mortal who makes mistakes. 

First of all part b - we had an ABer recently claiming to be 14 and about to run away from home with her internet boyfriend.  It may have been a total hoax and someone may have had a laugh at those of us who tried to help, but I'd rather be a fool for 5 minutes than a heartless person who turned their back when someone with a genuine problem was in need. 

Second - you should ring your local police, not on 999, for several reasons. 

1. You know about crimes that have been committed - drug dealing and car stealing for two. 
2. You appear to have been the victim of theft.  Ok, so it was stupid to have so much cash around the place, but that does NOT mean you deserved to have it stolen. 
3. You have received death threats which amount to harassment. 

ctd...

[january_bug]

If you are going to contact the police, might I suggest that you write everything down that happened, preferably typed out on the computer.  Try to gather it into order, with dates where possible.  Don't include irrelevant incidents like rows etc, just keep to the facts that you really feel the police need to know. 

Contacting the CAB may also be a sensible idea, but I think you have enough to go to the police anyway. 

Finally, keep a record of all threats you receive, and talk to the police about the legality of recording phone calls received to your home phone.  I belive it is possible to do so in a way that makes the evidence submittable to a court, but you have to be careful how you do it. 

Oh, and of course, GOOD LUCK!  We all make mistakes, and ok yours was pretty huge, but hopefully you can sort this out and move on!

Oh and as for that rubbish I read about taking responsibility for your own actions - I think it's high time that conman was mande to do just that.  phae may be the girl to make him do so!

PS - Post 22 had not appeared when I started typing this all out!

[phae]

well thank you jan bug. I find it really weird that so many people think i am lying. It makes me think maybe the police wont take me seriously either..... but im gonna give it a go.  I shall keep you updated, or mybe it will appear on crimewatch.. who knows!!!!

[jno]

Good advice from bug there. But also from lady: of course you want to get your money back and see some punishment. But anger and longing for revenge can be destructive emotions if they take over your life. Do what you can, but don't be eaten up by your emotions - I've seen this happen to people, and they just lose the ability to be happy. Try to look to the future when you can. Good luck. 

[january_bug]

phae - jno makes a good point (echoing lady's thoughts of course!).  Have you considered some sort of counselling?  Or at least talking to a friend about it, warning her that this might be a long process!?

If you don't want to get caught up in these emotions for so long, you might consider dealing with the immediate threat.  One tip though, with harassment, is that as well as making a log for yourself, TELL A FRIEND.  Make sure someone knows what's being said and how scared you feel. 

Oh, and best not mention to the police that you want ti kill someone about this!! :-p

[january_bug]

Sorry, I meant dealing ONLY with the immediate threat.  And by "dealing" I meant going to the police.  However, of course the police will want to know the background and then you can't lie to them.  You have no real duty to go to the police (if everyone reported every crime we'd never get anyone caught!) but go if you think you, and your children need protection.  Once more, good luck :-)

[gemmabe]

Phae just wanted to add my support for you.

Think you have been judged unfairly by some on here. You fell for someone, and you trusted him. You were wrong, but that is not your fault!

What I would do is to start again although the right thing to do would be to take legal action. However if you truly believe you and your family could be put at risk is it worth it?

Take care of yourself and I hope it all works out so you can forget this loser and build a new life for yourself and your family. You sound an intelligent woman - you can do it! x