iv been conned!

[phae]

Im in a very tricky situation. Shortly after the birth of my second child (3 weeks actually) i met a guy, and we gradually started a relationship. 4 months later his wife called me..... but hended up leaving her and we moved to london together where his family lived. I had some major financial problems, and during the sale of my flat was made (unfairly) bankrupt. believing all my funds were to be frozen and my bank accounts shut down, i withdrew the profit of my flat sale (lmost �50,000) in cash. 6 months later, My new boyfriend has run off with this cash leaving me on benefits with 2 children and a loadf debt. In the months since he left i have found out all cars were all stolen. He was dealing drugs. I also found four other women he was seeing AND he has had monry off them too. He's a proper conman. His family wont tell me where he is. He never left his wife, she didn't know we were living together. I'm stuck in a town I dont know and i just cant believe whats happened to me. I know he banked �20,000 of the money in his account. with little proof of the situation and all his friends and family covering for him, is this a case for the police? Can they do anything? WHat chance do i have of ever seeing my money? I just cant believe this has happened. I really believe I could KILL over this, I am that angry. Anyone got any ideas?

[jno]

he's stolen �50,000 from you? Sure sounds like a case for the police to me.

[JudgeJ]

And if they do manage to get it back for you (which is most unlikely) you will need to declare it to the bankruptcy court so that it can be used to pay your creditors.

[John Brennan]

I think you conned yourself. The first two lines of your message says it all. Dont think anger is going to solve it - never does.

[jimmer]

absolutly judge. it seems, phae, that you got into debt and had to sell your flat to pay your debts but then tried to get away without paying your debts back. You tried to run off with the money you owed? I doubt you will ever see the money again but i suggest you come clean about what you have done and accept the consequences of your actions. Only then will you be able to move forward.

 

jim

[phae]

actually, i went bankrupt for �1900. hardly my 'just desserts' losing �50k for that!  it was a very complicated bankruptcy case as i was disputing the amount owed.  ALL my debts are totally and fully paid.  the �50k was the surplus

[jno]

awful lot of blaming the victim going on here! How very understanding of everyone. Try the police, phae

[phae]

thank you jno!  my friends reckon the police wont listen because its a civil matter.  DO you think I should give the police information about his 'ringing' stolen cars?  I have some proof that he was doing this.  Or just keep it about the money.......

[jno]

I'd tell them everything. It would depend on the exact circumstances in which it happened, but stealing is stealing, and no reason why that shouldn't include taking your money.

If you're in doubt, though, why not start with a Citizens Advice Bureau?  www.citizensadvice.org.uk

[John Brennan]

****

UK is full of people who look to blame others or 'society'  for their circumstances. They act carelessly and then dont want to accept any responsibility for their own actions. WAKE UP and get a grip - you reap what you sow!

[GavC]

phae - I think that some of the comments you have recieved are very harsh and unfair.  You are a victim here, and this man sounds like a pice of sh*t (excuse my french).  Your best bet would be to contact the cab and gain some professional advice. You are not the first person to be drawn in by a con man, and unfortunatly wont be the last.  To be used as you have is a very sad thing and I only hope that things will work out for you in the end. x

[jimmer]

in which case phae your story doesn't make any sense. I can't see how it is possible to go bankrupt when your assets greatly outweigh your debts. it quite literally doesn't add up. Plus if this is a true story what on  earth are you doing asking for advise on answerbank?

 

jim

[jno]

phae has come to AB to ask for some answers. Doubtless if she wanted a lecture she'd have gone to LectureBank. Remember, not everyone is so cool and smart that they've never made a mistake in their lives.

[JudgeJ]

Well phae, my approach to your problem has obviously started a heated debate. Perhaps I was a little harsh, so help me understand this.

1. You begin a relationship with this person very soon after the birth of your child. Presumably the father(s) of your children is/are no longer around.

2. Soon after you begin this relationship you learn that he is another woman’s husband.

3. You move to London to set up home with this other woman’s husband.

4. You allow yourself to be declared bankrupt for �1,900 whilst sitting in a flat with excess equity of at least �50,000.

5. However complex this must have been, you managed to obtain the �50,000 in cash. Presumably you persuaded the buyer to give you used fivers because, as an undischarged bankrupt, any money paid into any account controlled by you would have come to the attention of the authorities. (You must tell me how I can sell property for a hard cash, especially when, from what you say, there was a mortgage to be settled on the flat).

6. Your new man (somebody else’s old man) manages to extract this cash from under your mattress and makes off with it.

7. You subsequently learn that, as well as being somebody else’s husband (something you did know about) he is also a bit devious in a number of other ways.

8. You cannot believe what has happened to you.

9. You expect the police to track this man down and get your money back for you.

Does that just about sum it up, or am I missing something here?

There are lots of questions I should like to ask, but you would think I am being intrusive. If you go to the police they will be intrusive. The first question they will ask is how you came to have �50,000 in cash. If you satisfy them on that score, they will then only be interested in whether the way it was taken from you constitutes theft.

 

[jake-the-peg]

Surely you didn't jump to a moralistic conclusion without knowing all the facts JudgeJ - how unlike you!

Phae - go and talk to the police - it's a long shot that you'll ever see any of the money again but with a bit of luck and your help they might be able to stop him depriving somebody else of their life savings. I'm sure that they'll be much more interested in a fraudster, drug dealer, stolen car dealer than a bit of creative accounting that you did over a �1900 case. Especially if you're willing to give evidence.

They may even know about him and be desperatly trying to find someone who's willing to press charges and give evidence.

[mimififi]

when did you start getting benefits?

[JudgeJ]

You're beginning to get to know me, Jake!. It's a bit worrying!

[phae]

Gosh Judge and Jimmer!!!  While it seems impossible to go bankrupt for �1,900, when you have almost �100,000 equity in a property, let me tell you it is absolutely possible. my accounts were frozen AFTER all my debts were totally paid - INCLUDING �39,000 in fees for going bankrupt.  For the bankrupcy - I am using solicitors.  Unfortuneatly, I am getting a lot of mixed advice about the fact that I have been conned by a trickster who has done this to other women. I have even been told that my subsequent knowledge of his 'dealings', I am aiding and abbetting and could be arrested myself!!

I see no point in involving myself in a lengthy police investigation if there is little chance of receiving any monies from him..... other than to exact revenge and perhaps making him think twice before he does this to some other unsuspecting lady.

Legally, i am not sure where I stand and I'm hesitant to just pick up the phone and dial 999 considering his family are threatening to kill me if I do!!  I am weighing up my options, hence, the answerbank is a positively perfect place to gain such advice.... dont ya think!!

I can absolutely assure you, that there is no aspect to my question which is even slightly untrue, although it is most complicated and would have taken pages and pages to explain in full.

but I dont mind answering a straight-forward question on the matter if you have one.

I agree iv been stupid, niave etc., etc., but at what point do I say to my kids 'oh well, we've lost everything... never mind?'

[phae]

....... and NO the buyer did not pay me in cash.  My property was subject to contract on the date I went bankrupt.  I continued the sale and the assessors received all my funds, keeping enough to pay my 'debts' and their fees, the surplus was placed in my bank account. Even though they received all the funds in January this year, they still have not discharged me as a bankrupt.  I have a solicitor looking into this and WHY they froze my accounts after I had paid them the money.  The money I had stolen from me was totally legitimate money. As a bankrupt, with no operating account, I was totally unable to use this money on a day to day basis, hence I withdrew it from my account to pay rent etc.

If the police were to look into this, I would have no problems proving it!

The constant 'onus' on the man in question 'belonging to someone else', confuses me.  He told me they were getting a divorce and moved into a house with me in his home town. I had no reason to believe their relationship was not totally over.  He had numerous calls with her about their divorce in front of me.  I have since discovered these phone calls were totally fake and she was never on the other end of the phone!!

Your comments seem to reflect that I should 'go to hell' because I am a 'mistress', or a 'debtor'.  The advice I am looking for is whether the police have any power in this situation, or are there any other methods I can try to obtain my money back.  It is also an extremly immoral thing to do in my opinion....

[joko]

Can you elaborate on how he managed to get the 50k?

A male trying to extract that amount from a females bank account would surely raise suspicion - or was it a joint account?

The police would likely think that a man emptying an account that is his name is perfectly legal, wouldn't they? 

Or did you give to him to bank - 'to hide it' -and he didn't?

If you know his account details you can likely find his whereabouts.

Call the police. Doubt there's much they can do about the money but they can find him and deal with him.

And although I agree it sounds like you have been very stupid and naive - Bring the ****** down!

[phae]

Gosh! He banked �20,000 in his bank account and I filled in the forms for my name to be put on his account.  Of course, this never happened.  He then used �15,000 in his car 'deals'. I wasn't too worried, he had an audii tt, merc, rangerover, bmw, mg z20 amongst other prestigeous cars.  I was sure he didn't need my money. He always had plenty of cash on him The rest of the money was left in cash and admittedly we used some of that together towards the house etc. so it's unfair to say he had the entire lot... I'm just trying to keep things simple.  I have 'sneakily' checked his account.... he has nothing in it.  All the cars were stolen so can't be sold and he cleared off with the lot.

When I checked his phone bills, I discovered four women whom he had told elaborate lies to and obtained between one thousand and 6 thousand pounds from.  One was a 19 year old girl. I feel I was different, becoz he actually lived with me.  These other girls didn't even know his address and they still lent him the cash.

This man was so smooth, took on my kids as his own, and when he hadn't taken any of my money after 6 months I had no reason to suspect him. As the relationship broke down, I panicked over the money, but was powerless in the end.  Don't think he would be that hard to find considering I have all his family and friends addresses, but he is certainly not going to do the honerable thing.  He got a friend to drop me �60 cash in August and hasn't contacted me since.  I saw him in a car, and we had a bit of a car chase as he tried to escape me!

So its not straight forward 'theft' as such. If it was I would have gone straight to the police.  It's taken until now for me to come to terms with whats happened.  I truly believed he would walk back through the door and give me all the money back! Ha!