How Would You Feel

[jennyjoan]

A friend of mine died in America - they had 3 grownup children. Husband married again within one year of her death. A girl who had two children of her own.

Do you think it was too soon.

[237SJ]

Well that is very cheerful PP - Happy New Year

[Mamyalynne]

I imagine you are thrilled you asked now JJ.x

[atalanta]

I have known a number of widowers who married again very soon after their wives died. They couldn't stand being alone, couldn't cope with life in general. But the faster they remarried, the sooner they regretted it. It was case of "any port in a storm", "she must be alright", and never stopping to think that the new woman could not possibly replace the lost one. In some of these cases, the subsequent divorces were very expensive. Warning to widowers - watch out for gold-diggers. And think before you leap.

[Kathyan]

I think it's harder for a man living on his own than it is for a woman (is that sexist? Hope not!). But it is true in my opinion. Most men I know have found someone new quite quickly but women seem to be alone longer.

[Islay]

Who is to say it's too soon, my father started dating within 4 months of my mothers death and was married within a year.
11 years later they are still happy he has helped raise her children.

[EcclesCake]

It has chuff all to do with me how others choose to continue living their lives. I would hate anyone to judge me or Mr Cake in this respect. It is an entirely personal matter and has nothing to do with anyone else.

[Islay]

For those that say its harder for men - I don't agree!
Dad is ex forces and knows how to look after himself. He felt happy when he met my stepmother and the clicked.
Do you think it is too soon JennyJoan?

[anthro-nerd]

My Dad remarried 4 years after my Mum passed, he dated a little before then. It felt soon for us, but we were just children. In reality, he's a grown man, Mum wanted him to find love again, and he did when he was ready. There isn't a time limit on these things.

[albaqwerty]

My uncle married quite quickly after the death of my aunt.
I looked on it as he was happy in his first marriage and liked it so he thought he'd do it again.

[anthro-nerd]

Good way of thinking about it Alba, I like that.

[Islay]

The reason a lot of this 2nd marriages don't work is because of friends and families sniping behind their backs going on about how its too soon etc.
At the end of the day its no on else's business except theirs' and at the end of the day they are adults!

[Voltage]

should i go 1st i would hope mrs volty would find happiness with someone else having said that if mrs volty was to go 1st i would stay on my own and be happy alone but thats just me

[murraymints]

life goes on and if that means a new partnership quite early on so be it..that does not detract from the love and time spent in the original marriage... the days of widows weeds are a thing of the past... some choose not to which is a pity... my own mum refused any kind of counselling etc even though it was verly clearly needed after dad passed away, after nearly 60 years together..and has chosen to live a life of eternal grief..much to my dismay...

[horselady]

I'd be happy to think my OH would find someone and be happy, however-and this probably sounds dreadful-I hate, absolutely hate, the thought of some other woman becoming my grandchildrens' new "nanny". I have no idea why I feel like this.

[anthro-nerd]

Islay, you are ABSOLUTELY correct. It's taken years for me to build a relationship with my step-mother, I was certainly someone making it difficult for my dad and her at the start of their relationship - unintentionally, but I was far from friendly.

If only I'd have grown up a little sooner and realised that it was none of my business and they are happy! Now I have a fantastic relationship with them both. :-)

[woofgang]

I don’t think I’d feel anything about someone else’s choice. I would hit anybody who told me to stop mourning and get on with my life though.

[murraymints]

woofy..of course mourn..but take advantage of help to get you through it... and realise that people around you have lives to live too...

[douglas9401]

For clarity and future reference, Islay, is that the end of the same day or is it spread over two?

Ta.

[donny48]

If Ann died and I thought of re-marriage I would probably find it hard not to compare with thoughts of " Ann would not do this or that". It would be hard for any woman to put up with.

[murraymints]

Donny, that would be a given...and any subsequent ladies would be aware of such comparison ...as second wives after divorce are bound to get the same..