Why Do I Feel "lost "...

[pastafreak]

...when I know my daughter is traveling away?
She's off on holiday with her BF for 2 weeks, and the knowledge that she's so far away puts me in panic mode. Especially in the evenings when it's dark...its almost a sense of claustrophobia. A loneliness...if that makes sense. And now it feels worse because I don't have my brother to talk to.
I don't know if I should tell her...or ask her to keep in touch more than usual because of what is basically my anxiety and I suppose insecurity.
I dont really talk to anyone about my feelings...its hard to even write it down here.

[237SJ]

I think it is normal to feel lost when loved ones are away. The days are OK but the evenings are hard.

[Mamyalynne]

It's your natural love and care for her and the further away she goes the less you feel you'd be able to help in a crisis.

I wouldn't tell her all of this as she goes but perhaps talk it through a bit next time you are together.

[-SharonA-]

Pasta, I have felt the same when my boys have gone on holidays. I feel like this even when I myself have gone away. I can easily sit there on the plane, crying.

[kvalidir]

I don't have children and it must be so much worse if it's your child, but I have those feelings when people I love are travelling. I think it's very normal, hard but normal xxx

[Cloverjo]

Does she normally live with you? I'm guessing not. Even though she's geographically further away than usual she's still as close as if she were in her home.
I think I know how you feel. Try to enjoy the fact that she's having a great time and that you'll see her soon.

[pastafreak]

That's what I'm doing now, Sharon. I thinks it's also that as I get older, I'm feeling much more vulnerable. I like my independence, but my mind gets full of too many "what ifs". Both for myself and those I love. *sigh*

[pastafreak]

No, she doesn't clover. She's in London...200+ miles away.

[Patsy33]

It's normal to have these feelings for you loved ones Pasta. Being on your own must make it even more worrying, especially at nights. Try and keep your mind active so the anxiety is taking over. X

[Patsy33]

^^^^^^^^
Isn't!

[pastafreak]

I guess I'm a bit reassured as far as she is concerned, as she travels with her BF. In fact, this trip is his birthday present to her.
I suppose when loved ones are away, we can't picture them where they are.

[gness]

Pasta....this will be different perhaps to other advice on here but it's what I'd do in your situation right now.....

I would have a chat...email or phone....with my daughter saying I'm a bit down....(your brother and this miserable long winter)....and I'm mithering unnecessarily about her being so far away and I know that's silly because I'm happy for her.....but
I know it's perhaps a pain but how would she feel about a few extra texts.....an occasional call and especially some photos of where they are.......silly food photos.....a hello mum selfie.......
Just to help tide me over this blip....

Pasta...I know how you feel about not talking about your feelings....and I never, ever let anyone know how I'm really feeling about anything.....but in your situation now I know my daughter and her chap would want to know and would be happy to spend a little time giving mum a boost rather than finding out later they could have helped but didn't know....x

[Cloverjo]

Good answer, gness.

[jno]

Everyone’s saying it’s normal, and maybe it is, but personally when a loved one is away I just assume they’ll be safe (they don’t go to Isis territory) and don’t worry about them at all. This doesn’t mean nothing can go wrong, just that worrying about things I can’t actually do anything about seems pointless.

Maybe I’m just a heartless spouse/parent, but the vast majority of world travel goes without any trouble at all.

[gness]

Thanks, Clove...and it comes from recent experience when I kept something from my daughter.....
I've had some health issues but made excuses for not doing things...going places and so on....
When she found out she made me promise to always tell her the truth from the start.....it hurt her more finding out I'd kept things to myself.....x

[Old_Geezer]

It's your issue rather than hers so I'd resist contacting her when she is on holiday too much, were I you. Maybe limit it to a couple of calls a week if necessary. But do work on feeling less anxious, more relaxed. Set aside time in the day to unwind, whether its relaxing to music, or practice a meditation, or whatever does it for you. Preferably not booze or other drug of choice.

[pastafreak]

I need to thank Gness, as her post really hit home. I sent a short email to DD, and she quickly responded...great as it was very late. Referring to me as "mothership"-her nickname for me-she agreed, and will send lots of photos. Especially of food. :-))
As long as I have contact of some kind, I'll be ok.
Unfortunately, I'm a long-term, anxiety ridden worrier. At my age, that's not going to change too much. I think DD understands. Though she told me not to worry about my brother...
So, again...thank you Gness xx

[ummmm]

Awww Pasta...Our parents contact us more often than usual when we're on holiday. It's perfectly normal.

My daughter has lived away from home for a long time. She was in Oz for two years, years in Ireland and then to London. I'd stopped worrying about her as she called me most days. She moved back in with us about a year ago and now has her own flat. That made me incredibly sad and I find it worrying. She's only a 10 mins drive away :-)

[Samuraisan]

Don't spoil her holiday by putting her on a guilt trip. Chat on Whassup regularily to check she's okay. She'll be back before you know it.

[pastafreak]

I've already been in touch with her...
I've told her what I'd like her to do...
I DON'T think I've done a "guilt trip" on her...
For what it's worth...worrying about guilt trips is what got me into being afraid of saying what possibly should/could be said.
Much as I may like to talk to her...when she mostly comes with her lovely BF for flying visits...the opportunity just isn't there.

[gness]

Happy if it's helped, Pasta.......and you won't spoil her holiday at all....

I think it can sometimes be a little harder being the lone parent ....nobody to help calm or share any worries......

From what I know of your daughter she won't feel guilty.....a few silly and amusing photos will take no time....be fun for her and her partner and ease you a little.....

My daughter travels a great deal and keeps me posted about her work and adventures without ever feeling guilty....... I know she just appreciates my care and interest.....
I've never had a mum to share with......it's nice that our daughters do.......... :-)